to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

there are different degrees of driving. There are advanced drivers and normal drivers. It's all about confidence. If you're not confident, it's best to stick to what you feel safe with. Nothing wrong with that. There's driving and driving. Most people wouldn't know what to do on the Arc de Triomphe, so they would be best to avoid it, or wear an extra pair of pants.

lol!

You have it there in a nut shell

Um, I dunno.

We've all encountered sunday drivers, pootling along the roads, braking dramatically 100 yards short of a green traffic light, weaving around in their lanes, coming to a roundabout and deciding to go but at the last minute losing their nerve and stopping ...

They might feel that they are sticking with what they feel safe with, but they are a real hazard on the roads.

I think it is the Arc de Triomphe circular which has a null and void insurance exclusion in it? Once you get onto that particular road, all insurances are invalid and it's every person for themselves.

Nonsense

Drive around it every year. Fully insured. Honest!

Rockbird I'm right there with you!!

There are some really petty, nasty, ridiculous statements on this thread.

It doesn't matter if someone else isn't comfortable driving on motorways or long distances, so long as they are competent driving where they are happy driving that's all that matters.

People who have panic attacks do not need to stop driving, they just take sensible precautions like avoiding motorways - other roads don't trigger them or if they do they can pull over to the side.

Some of you must have been on holiday the day they were handing out empathy.

[I have driven since I was 15, all over the world, both sides of the road, in many strange places & conditions - I will drive any vehicle (that I can legally) anywhere - so I don't have an axe to grind]

Maybe it's in the tiny tiny print...

I get panic attacks on motorways but I'm not afraid of driving. Motorways can trigger attacks because they are straight and open and there are no control of the exits. Similarly I always sit on the aisle in cinemas because they are closed, confined and I could have an attack if cut off from the exit. I have had CBT some years ago but find it harder to control now that I have small children and am sleep deprived.

So YABU. Men and women who are reluctant to drive might well have a generalized anxiety disorder and are not being silly.

didn't know about the null and void, but this guide to Paris mentions it

realtravel.com/e-142315-paris_entry-paris:_day_2

just out of interest - does anyone know any male drivers (apart from older men who may be getting less confident) who won't drive long distances or on motorways?

Yes. I know of a company managing director (friend's father) who avoids turning right and one perfectly ordinary man whose panic attacks are triggered by motorways.

at typos.

I may be a basket case but I can usually manage a grammatically correct sentence with no American spelling.

"When I was blogging I "knew" a lot of Americans and many of the women would not ever consider driving a manual transmission"

Sensible women.

We're both been driving for twenty five years and have owned all sorts of weird shit, including one with a column shift, one with synchromesh worn to the point you needed to double de-clutch the lower gears (younger readers, ask your grandad) and an original interior Citroen BX ('nuff said). We're both perfectly able to, for example, drive left-hand drive manuals.

Day-to-day, we both run automatics. Why on earth would you want to do your daily driving with an unnecessary task? Do people want cars with manual chokes, manual advance/retard? Why do you think almost every "luxury" car as an auto?

A lot of nervous drivers are nervous because of the gearbox. They're nervous that at some unspecified point they may need to change gear, and they worry they might not be able to do it. They're nervous that they might stall pulling out of a junction. They can't confidently do a hill start. They can't change gear quickly from 1st to 2nd joining faster traffic, which is an especial problem in diesels. They don't have smooth clutch control so struggle to park. And so on, and so on.

Just buy an auto. These days they're perfectly sensible on fuel (the DSG Golfs and Polos are better on fuel than their manual brethren), last a million years and are Just Nicer To Drive.

Given we run autos, the kids will learn on a mix of autos and manuals. Ideal: they can learn to drive (positioning, anticipation, choice of speed and line, awareness) with one less thing to worry about. Changing gear is a straightforward manual skill, which people are asked to acquire (and badly taught: ask people to explain what a clutch does and see how confused they are) whilst learning a whole set of other, more complex, skills. Why on earth do some people, men and women, think that being able to change gear is something that's the hallmark of good driving? Not killing people is the hallmark of good driving.

I always worry about drivers who won't do motorways, big roundabouts etc because what happens if they get diverted one day and have to?

I was terribly nervous when I started driving and my mother literally forced me to get in the car and go out driving by myself - I am so glad she did.

I live rurally and driving is so important for my independence - I like to know that if anything was ever to happen I can shove children in the car and go.

I do also enjoy driving - radio on, children quiet in the car - bliss

My dp has a slipped disc and can't sit in the passenger seat for any length of time at all, so I do the waiting at the station then he drives thing. I HATE what people must be thinking, because I know what I think when other people do it! We've considered getting "He has to drive - he's got a bad back" painted along the side of the car.

My husband won't drive long distances or on motorways - or really at all! He passed his test 12 years ago and I've only recently got him doing a bit of driving again so that he can drive me to the hospital when this kid needs to be born.

Never mind the fact that I have to drive all 5+ hours when we go to visit HIS parents. [hmmm]

I drove to Geneva to Scotland and back this month, via the Amsterdam - Newcastle Ferry. The journey on this side of the channel was 1000km.

But I like driving and have always been careful not to let DH drive when we go anywhere.

Practice is so important and if you feel that your life is being curtailed or affected by not being a able to drive long distances then get lessons. There are special courses you can go on to help.

And btw, driving on German motorways at 120mph is a doodle if you are in the right car for it. The fastest I have driven is 230 km/h, which is about 140 mph. I would not do it in our current car (Renault Megane) even if it could manage that. In dh's company car it was fine. Empty motorway, long straight road and a car built for such speeds, so with fab breaks, steering etc.

just out of interest - does anyone know any male drivers (apart from older men who may be getting less confident) who won't drive long distances or on motorways?

Yes dd1's BF she passed her test in may and their going down to Plymouth to see her grandparents the rooms booked, but he's humming and ahhing over getting the train down because driving is boring she's tried to tell him its a lot cheaper to drive. I suggested as a joke to tie a rope on and he could run at the back he says yes I could cycle down the week before[he's a fitness fanatic].

I think these kind of threads are pathetic and show women as incompetent, unsympathetic and judgemental.

Knowing your own limits is not a bad thing and probably better for other road users that they don't do something that would make them a hazard on the road.

I know loads of women who are scared to cycle on the road. As a competent, experienced cyclist I don't scorn them or think they are pathetic.

''I have encountered this form of abject patheticness in women and the elderly

No idea whether the women are genuinely incompetent or just posturing''

Nice

Why oh why do we need to diminish those who appear not to be so perfect as ourselves?

A woman I know recently scorned my mother for not parking in a space that she felt was a cinch to park in. She made my Mum so self conscious that she wouldn't even try it, despite being a perfectly competent driver.

Some people deserve each other, on MN as in RL.

'Tis weird.

I've been driving for 23 years and will do long distance/motorway driving but don't like it. I've had a lorry not see me and pull across into my lane forcing me to have to swerve over onto the outside lane into the path of another car, who thank goodness saw what was happening and slowed down to let me over. I've also had a guy who was clearly drunk swerving all over the motorway come up behind me, I could see his face in my rear mirror trying to concentrate. Somehow he managed to miss thank goodness. There have been others, none of which have been my fault and mostly involve people not checking their blind spot before pulling out.

It has left me not liking motorway driving at all, though as I said I will do it. My dislike of it is entirely rational as far as I'm concerned, it's my instinct for self preservation kicking in based on previous bad experiences.

I am surprised at the number of women who are not confident behind the wheel.

I don't know why it is though so I think YABU to use the word 'pathetic'.

Perhaps women are more naturally risk averse, perhaps the years of women driver jokes has made it a self fulfilling prophecy, maybe lots of women feel bullied by more forthright/aggressive driving from some men, I dunno, but I do think it's sad that so many women are nervous drivers. I know quite a few who won't drive at night, won't drive in cities, won't drive on motorways etc and yet are perfectly capable of operating a car...

phobias and traumatice situations that have changed their confidence aside
I would be very surprised if I heard anyone say this

if you can drive, you can drive
you should be able to cope with all situations

I drive to my parents each summer with the kids on my own

454 miles door to door

Maybe a lot of women don't like driving on the motorway because you are never actually taught how to. I know that you have to learnt the rules as it may come up in the theory test, but you don't get to drive on there until you've passed your test. There are courses such as PassPlus that deal with motorway driving, so that could be an option to get more experience. You are allowed to drive on dual carriageways but still would be good if there was a compulsory motorway section of your test.

Also, in your test (however many years ago you did it) you are directed where to go and as long as you do everything correctly you will pass, it's not a real driving experience - which is why there is a new style of test whereby you are shown a map with a few directions, asked to memorise it then you have to drive it with no prompting to 'turn left at the next road'. Maybe that more 'free driving' experience will give a more realistic impression of someone's driving ability and confidence.

OP - YABU to call grown women 'pathetic'.

I'm a grown woman and I refuse to drive at all. Last time I looked it wasn't actually mandated by law, and so it's a matter of personal preference like anything else. No one should have to drive, or should have to drive anywhere they don't want to.