to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

Yep, I think it's important to note that not having access to car can affect your attitude to driving.

For about 10 years I bought cars but were for the benefit of others. I then found it a bit scary to drive as I had very little access to these cars. Now I've got a car solely in my name and I drive it feel OK - but I cannot park for the life of me - I have no spacial awareness and I cannot drive at night as I see nothing other than spaceship lights right in my face - I have very bad astigmatism.

I wish I were more confident - having said that - I'm a great driver but I can't park and I cannot see at night.

Utterly, utterly pathetic.

Get on with it and grow up. I know a few people who think that they have a right to be driven around like they are royalty eating into other peoples' time and expense. I'm disugsted to say, I even know some of my own age (very young) who are like this. I have no time whatsoever for it. You choose to live your life like that, then use public transport and I'll meet you there, but I'm not a chauffeur thankyou very much.

Hmmmpphhh.

I suffered from anxiety and depression after having DD2 and I literally could not even drive 5 mins down the road, I would be verging on a panic attack, I would build it up in my mind all the things that could happen...anyway I had counselling for the anxiety and take ADs now and am fine, I have even driven a 90 mile journey on my own with the 2 DDs which is something I would never ever have been able to do before and I scarcely bat an eyelid now if I have to drive somewhere. I am not saying every woman who says she is scared of driving is the same as me but there was more to it than just being pathetic in my case....

I have absolutely no time for DCs causing a ruckus in the back seat. Really, zero tolerance. It's the only time I have ever slapped anyone -- I feel a is obligatory here but it's only halfhearted. To me, it's a huge safety issue and I have cowed my DCs into accepting this view of mine. I make no apologies for that. I just don't accept that the DCs have a right to contribute to the danger level.

I have pulled over on side streets and on normal trips to the shops and ordered miscreants out of the car until the strop ended. They do a little bickering and a bit of moaning on long trips (the longest we have done is about 9 hours) until the sheer time spent sitting has a quieting effect.

LarkinSky - do you realise how smug you sound!

Kieraj, to be fair to women who may feel nervous, I think more accidents happen because of a surfeit of misplaced confidence in younger men (hence high insurance rates for young males). And I bet there are plenty of nervous men out there who also contribute to their fair share of mayhem on the roads.

Skimming, sorry - but I hope lots have told you this is a bit of mean thread. A bit 'why can't everyone be better, like I me, because better is just so much, you know, better'.

I'm sure there are some infantilized women who prefer it if Daddy DH drived. I think the vast majority who, like me, shit themselves on the motorway are just scared.

I'm sure most of us would prefer not to be, and are doing their best to overcome it. But it's like any kind of anxiety - pointing out the illogic (which I'd dispute in the case of motorway driving, having seen an instant death-crash pretty recently) is not going to magic the anxiety away.

I am similar to Ivykaty, I drive all the time, but I don't enjoy it especially motorways which scare me. Is this completely irrational? Obviously a debatable point. What I can't believe is what utter bitchy comments have been made about non or nervous drivers - I never knew people thought like this about nervous drivers.

Well said onebatmother. There are too many smug women on here who think that a lot of people don't drive long distances or on motorways simply because they can't be bothered - but like you said some women are just scared. I lost three friends in a serious car-accident and have always been apprehensive of driving at high speed on the motorway. I am however happy to drive on local roads that I know for short distances (and even driving in the city centre doeesn't really bother me) I don't demand to be driven around by others (I am happy to get trains etc) and luckily my OH absolutely loves driving and is a terrible passenger anyway!

Me exH is a terrible driver who loves driving, and that's why I felt I had to get over myself.

ha ha, how funny it is to laugh at people who don't conform to how you behave...

As many people have said, A LOT of people are nervous about driving for a variety of reasons and only do so out of necessity.

I do drive long distances, but am only now confident doing so with Sat Nav because it's terrifying getting lost somewhere you don't know ESPECIALLY WITH YOUNG, BORED CHILDREN IN THE CAR!!!

Surely you are the silly ones, expecting people to do something that makes them so uncomfortable just because it doesn't bother you? A nervous driver is more likely to be a dangerous driver - not really in anyone's best interests. If you were true friends, you would support the decision of your nervous mates. Would you force someone with arachnophobia in a room full of spiders just because you're not bothered by them?

We all have our oddities, don't we, and that's what makes the world such an interesting place. Lighten up everyone.

I never drive on motorways, I find it terrifying having traffic zooming around you on all sides at high speeds, and cars driving much too close to the one in front. Strangely, I used to be fine, drove into Manchester on the motorway to work before I had children, but since having my first child 8 years ago I started feeling this panic rising when I got into heavy motorway traffic so I just find alternative routes now. I feel quite embarrassed by it, and it doesn't help seeing threads like this that make out it's put on for effect. I've wondered if hypnosis would help, sometime I might try it, but actually you can normally find an alternative route to a motorway.

Interestingly in my case it doesn't matter if I'm the driver or the passenger, I still panic on the motorway, and dh is about as sympathetic as the posters here. I try to close my eyes, but find this difficult because I have averted accidents in the past because I've spotted things dh hasn't (although I don't think he's a bad driver).

I wonder how common this fear is? I suspect it's not that rare.

I have no problem driving long distances, but I'm so terrified driving through a city I'll usually leave that to DH. However, I'd drive through it at night when the traffic is lighter. There are too many agressive drivers out there and I find them intimidating in cities.

"I started feeling this panic rising when I got into heavy motorway traffic so I just find alternative routes now"

You do realise that for a given journey, driving on non-motorways when there's a motorway alternative is more dangerous, don't you? You normally need to be careful with deaths per mile driven figures, but in the case of "100 miles on a motorway versus 100 miles on an A Road" it's entirely valid, and motorways are five times safer for that journey. You may feel happier, but you're exposing yourself to a five times larger risk. A swift trip along a really nasty A road, like the A5 in Northamptonshire or the A1(M) in Bedfordshire has me scurrying for the M1 or the M11 respectively. There's no practical alternative to the A14 and its no accident (ho ho) that it's plastered in cameras and quite right too: fast traffic plus the ability to turn right through the central reservation and non-slip-road merges equals a ferocious fatality rate.

What kills you isn't speed, it's relative speed. Unless you're planning to drive into a bridge abutment, doing 70mph and hitting a car doing 60mph is a bloody sight safer than doing 50mph and hitting a car crossing in front of you. And if you are planning to drive into a bridge abutment, the ones on motorways have enough Armco that you'll probably live to tell the tale, whereas the ones off the motorways don't. The only sort of accident that is pretty much unsurviveable at speed is a head-on collision between two cars moving at speed: they're almost unheard of on motorways (that's why they're a huge news story when they happen) but they occur with monotonous regularity on undivided A roads or dual carriageways not blessed with Armco.

I love long drives... especially on my own... peace quiet, a chance to sit down for a bit.. my choice of CD or Radio and some scenery... lovely... I do a 70mile round trip to work, and I would drive it every time for the fun of it..if I could just afford the parking at the other end...

DO NOT understand people who are afraid to drive far... what do they think is going to happen ? if you break down, call RAC, if you get lost, ask for directions, call wherever you were going and ask them. I've driven all over for work, always on my own, and it's never ever been a problem.

Of course some people are phobic, or nervous for really good reasons. And of course soem people choose, for excellent reasons, not to drive. But this thread is, I guess, not about people like that. It's about women who automatically defer to men - and men who expect women to defer to them. And there are p-lenty of them - and they are pathetic.

My husband likes driving and is a terrible passenger. I like being a passenger. So its kind of a no brainer for him to drive.

If its just me, or me and the DC, I drive. If I am working a long way away though, I get the train and save my concentration for working when I arrive.

Simples.

I have read a bit more of this thread now.. and what occurs to me is that while of course, it is OK not to want to drive, or to have natural fears of accidents etc, it is noticeable that there are a lot of women out there, more than men, who are nervous of driving to some extent.

Women are cheaper to insure... they have fewer accidents, so why is it that so many women feel this way ? Obviously driving optional to the individual, but it is also a normal part of everyday life, and one that personally I find very empowering. It disturbs me that so many avoid something jsut out of fear that can give so much freedom, and I do wonder where that comes from.

SUIS - of course you don't understand because for you it is not a problem. It is like anything that causes anxiety - unless you suffer from it yourself then it is hard to understand. I can't 'understand' how it feels to be afraid of flying or afraid of spiders because neither bother me, but I can understand people who get anxious about driving on a busy motorway because it is something that makes me feel anxious too.

"Women are cheaper to insure... they have fewer accidents, so why is it that so many women feel this way ?"

It's likely that they drive fewer miles, so their risk exposure is less. If women actually do, say, drive in cities but not on high-speed roads, you'd also except more, but substantially cheaper, claims. See here.

It would be interesting to see what the difference in the premium is between men and women from an insurer that expects you to declare your annual mileage. I think I'm also right in saying that the difference between men and women for insurance reduces as you get older: it's not so much that women are better drivers, but that young men are spectacularly worse.

seeker - good point, but that wasn't what the OP said. What she said was she couldn't understand a fear of driving. And plenty of other posters don't understand either and have had a good smug laugh about it.

sorry Toyk you are wrong

i did the trip today and the cost was £4.70 return for both of us

Only when I got there the place was closed so I will need to go back on Monday

dd1 said (adult fare) that she paid £8 from Warwick to Moor street on Sunday

So is dd1 in a differnet payment zone and why did they charge her £8 for a return journey if it should be cheaper?

The problem is if the train company is going to hide cheaper fairs and let me see expensive fairs all the time - what do the train comapney think I am going to do? Not often use them as they cost so much, plus the fact that on my own the same trian at the same time was £12.20 and then when I turned up at the station the same train cost £4.70
this was the 10.59 train form warwick to moor street
So it isn't as you suggest and I am not looking for the slow trian - unless you are now going to tell me I was ripped off paying £4.70 and it shoudl have only been £2 to Jewellery Quarter from warwick station

I actually enjoy travelling by train and chatting to my dd whilst eating and drinking

But it doesn't make any sense form a business point of view to make trains look expensive

Perhaps you could let me know how much the train will cost me on Monday at 10.59 or a cheaper one if you like but I have to be at the jewellery quarter before 2.30pm

Oh sorry you have me going from Warwick Parkway...I use Warwick station as I can walk there - whereas Warwick parkway is really at Hatton/Budbrook - not Warwick about 2 miles out of town

Interesting. You're not in the mood to type in the route and the restrictions on the ticket they sold you, are you? Both Nationalrail and Chiltern themselves have nothing under £5.30 return (one adult, one child, railcard), so I wonder what the ticketing basis was (and yes, this is why the railways are total madness, and this is why people give up).

There are some weird offpeak tickets, things like bus-passes with an extension to one destination, andthis group deal, but it's all a bit wild and whacky when you buy tickets for journeys entirely within one operator's region.

And to reiterate, this is something that the railways have to sort out to be taken seriously.

I think it's a matter of experience and confidence.

I was late getting my license (23) as I didn't have the funds for lessons. When I did learn it was mainly in a rural area, as that's where I lived.

I'm fine doing long distances on quieter routes or even motorways and cities, if I know where I'm going. But I'd rather drive with a passenger if I'm doing the unknown on a busy stretch.

I think the thing that bothers me most is the thought of getting lost and going right out of my way. You can't ask for directions on a motorway or in the middle of a busy city! And sat nav's aren't always reliable in these situations either.

If you're fine driving all over, that's probably because you do it and have done for years. If you're not, it may well be because you haven't had to or don't get the chance very often.

I'm not likely to embark upon a 200 mile round trip through London and back on a regular basis, just to get the experience!