to find it a little bit pathetic when grown women say they won't drive long distances

[emkana]

of more than 30 (!) miles because they are scared of the driving and navigating.

Is it really that hard, am I missing something here?

I would just like to say that I'm sorry if I upset some of you, I hadn't thought it through clearly enough. Of course we all have our areas of weakness. But I have driven here, there and everywhere with the children during these holidays and it's been wonderful, and I just feel a little bit of pity for those that deny themselves the experience.

"Quattro shouldn't you be checking your oil or your tyre pressure or something?"

Nah. The onboard computer tells me when those things need attending to. And then I get a bloke to sort it out.

Maybe this should be called the Lady Penelope thread.

It must depends on where you live emkana.

I've always lived in the centre of cities where having a car is usually an inconvenience. Now we're in London, 90% of the places we visit are quicker/easier/cheaper to get to by walking or train/bus (. I just can't imagine how getting in a car can ever be wonderful but then I completely admit I'm biaised too, having grown up without a car and being very urban in my habits and definitely prefer public transport to being cooped up in a car. I feel sorry for my DNs who live in a lovely rural area but have to be driven everywhere, including school.

I don't like spiders - does that make me a wuss?

Yes . Spiders are our friends.

I have developed a fear of buses and bus drivers. I don't see how anyone can feel safe on a bus, the way bus drivers round here drive and the risks they take.

Have just read through this thread and wanted to tell my story. in fact i did start a thread on mumsnet a few months ago called 'panic attacks when driving (motorways); although when i looked for it a while back it seemed to have disappeared.
i used to commute on motorways, driving distances of 40-60 miles as i was on training placements around the place. sometimes i drove from southampton to the lake district for a long weekend hillwalking on my own. never thought anything of it.
when i was pregnant with DD, and DS was small, i had a couple of bad experiences on motorways. i didn't have easy pregnancies and in both the bad experiences i nearly fell asleep at the wheel. i was only 3 - 6months pregnant but truly exhausted, trying to work, travel to london for a course etc etc.
after DD was born, world shrunk, didn't go very far. when DD was 5 months old i tried to take the two of them to see my parents 200 miles away. i hadn't driven since one of the bad incidents, but as i had been driving for years i didn't predict any problems. as soon as i hit the motorway i had a panic attack. it was truly awful. i tried all the relaxation strategies i knew, managed to go about 20 miles. but was utterly exhausted. stopped and drove home on A roads. i was utterly exhuasted, DD was for months, nay over a year, a terrible sleeper, and i'm sure this exacerbated it. i had had a difficult birth and i think the panic attacks were a symptom of post natal anxiety coming out.
i have tried counselling, which i was down for anyway, hynotherapy cds, which did make me feel much more positive and driving lessons. incidentally the driving instructor said my driving was fine and perfectly safe, except for once when i pancked and slammed on the brakes.
my problems are not with traffic - they are with space, going over bridges, long bends, exposed sections of motorway or roads generally and having vacant lanes to my left, for example if there are lanes turning off. i can drive on much more dangerous country roads and through city centres i and know that motorways are generally safe.
i tried forcing myself to try and conquer it. but this has just made it worse tbh, it started spreading to dual carriageways etc.
doctor prescribed me valium as i can't have beta blockers , but i don't want to take it, would rather avoid the motorway altogether.
DD is nearly 2 and hopefully as she grows up i can make further progress. but i have to take the pressure off myself. forcing myself to drive through the panic attacks seems to be the route to depression or fatal accident frankly.
it is limiting, i am a grown woman but in my case i think the sensible option is probably to not drive on motorways for the time being.
incidentally i once had a boyfriend, who used to be quite emotionally abusive, he drove scarily and aggressively to frighten me at times, i sometimes wonder if that's when the seed was sown.

oops very long post - apologies!

Not this again.

What do you want in response to your question OP? "Oh, you are sooooooo right! Aren't they PATHETIC! They should all be banned from driving. I wish I was you"

Why do you even care? Bloody well done to you for being able to do it. Some people suffer from debilitating anxiety disorders and these kind of threads just completely belittle sufferers by making us feel worse than we already do.

If people are so nervous that they feel they can't drive on major roads/long journeys/motorways do you feel they should be forced to do it and then drive with such fear and caution that they become a potential danger to others on the motorway/whatever road? Someone was just commenting the other day on how someone in front of them stopped at the start of a slip road onto the motorway like it was a give way and nearly caused a pile up.

Count yourself lucky it is so easy for you to be such a strong and confident woman that you can do what you want when you want and then also pass comment on how pathetic others are cos they are not you.

Concordia I remember your thread as I have the same issues with driving also exacerbated by anxiety and panic disorder that worsened after sleepless nights and total exhaustion. I totally agree that it is better to avoid the cause of the anxiety when it is driving in order to avoid potentially fatal accident.

I can sometimes drive absolutely no problem but the second I start to panic it is all over and I just have to get home as calmly as possible.

emkana I am glad for you that you don't have any of these awful anxiety issues as I understand it is sometimes impossible to empathise with and just label people as "pathetic" when I know what a complete failure I feel as a mother when I can't just jump in the car with LO without even a thought and drive all over the country on top of all the other issues caused by these horrible things your own mind does to you. I truly hope you never find out what it feels like to be like this.

"You are good at sports, therefore have the spatial skills to be a good driver."

Bollocks, I am good at sport but have the spatial awareness of something that has no spatial awareness. I barely know my left from my right.

Also there is this continuing theme that being scared/under-confident at driving makes you a BAD driver whilst being confident or not minding driving in rain/motorways/longdistances makes you a good driver. Which is bollocks, in fact driving is one of those things that practice doesn't particularly make perfect it just ingrains bad habits even more.

Emkana, we don't deny ourselves the freedom of driving. That's like saying people who are afraid of heights 'deny themselves' the experience of climbing up on a roof or abseiling. There is no element of choice. But the difference is that because most people drive and our society is so car-centric people can't understand how someone can function without driving, or indded be so frightened of it. And when people try to push through their fears and then get a panic attack whist driving the situation becomes extrememly dangerous which then re-enforces the fear for next time.

The only element of choice we have is whether to get treatment of some kind or not, but there isn't a great deal available on the NHS and hypnotherapy (for example) is costly and doesn't work for everyone. And no amount of hypnotherapy or medication is going to improve my lack of hand/eye co-ordination.

(I don't like Pilates either, the method of which I've heard likened to driving.)

Had to drive 300 miles there and 300 miles back for holiday, didn't like it, but did it. [but hope I don't have to do it again!]

And... where's my medal?

used to think nothing of taking a 12 hour drive back down the eastern coast of australia and visit family back in my home town - mind you despite driving that long - I never left the state.

Have taken my mother to see new grandson - 6 hour round trip. Took dds to visit cousins - 3 hour drive there and same again back.

When in the UK - drove from Southend area up to Huddersfield area - thought nothing of it.

Love driving. But I do know a woman who will not drive on a highway/motorway here in Aus - I thought it was odd - it was not a long drive - probably 10 minutes up the road for her but she would not do it.

don't think it is pathetic though.

"But I have driven here, there and everywhere with the children during these holidays and it's been wonderful, and I just feel a little bit of pity for those that deny themselves the experience."

Emkana, I do feel a little sorry for your children, who are growing up like so many others with the expectation that in order to do anything, you get in a car. Surely it would be better for them and for the rest of us who have to breathe the air around us if you had been here, there and everywhere with them using bikes, foot and buses . . .

FWIW our car was off the road completely for most of the holidays, and (apart from the mechanics bill ) I really liked the fact that it made us either stay nearer home or get the bus even when it wasn't quite so 'convenient', when often I will give in & just get in the car.

I agree Takver. I see nothing superior about choosing to spend vast amounts of time trapped in a metal box hurtling along a stretch of tarmac, along with hundreds of other people doing the same! And to disregard people's rational fears over potential crashes or incidents does not make sense.

Anyway, I win in the competitive driving competition. I once drove to the moon and back in a single day. I didn't take one single break, I simply wore a nappy. Therefore I am the best driver ever, fearless and inconsiderate. Luckily I was born with this innate ability to drive. I never needed to take a lesson or improve with experience. I don't understand that some people weren't born holding a gearstick - what's wrong with them??

Just read that the 'climate change sceptic' Bjorn whateverhisnameis isn't sceptical any more.

I guess James Lovelock's idea of enjoying it while we can because it's not going to last much longer may be right. Fat lot of good it will do our dc though.

my mum who used to be quite outspokenly "independent" (although in reality maybe she wasn't but she talked a good game) has, since she turned 60, decided that she cannot drive herself outside the county in which she and my dad live. so she only ever goes anywhere outside the county if she is "driven" by my dad. my siblings and I struggle with this and struggle to hide our dismay at how easily she is "giving up" (as we see it)
it is almost as if she sees this as a perk of getting old and everyone should respect her for it...???

I hate driving long distances - having to concentrate for hours, getting stiff in the car, children moaning in the back.

We always get the train!

But, I partly hate it because I did a long commute for a while and saw so many accidents that it put me off.

I am nervous about driving but manage to stay calm while actually doing the deed.

However, I would have been happy not driving and thus not endangering other people. But my OH was fed up with me not driving and went on at me until I passed fourth time.

I would drive 30 miles but I would memorise the route first and god forbid I had to make a detour.

I know my usual routes and if I have to deviate becuase of a road being closed or something I am not happy.

And, when I go and pick OH up from work, he drives home, because quite frankly I fucking hate driving and was forced into it.

I've never had a problem driving long distances, and can navigate without need for a satnav. But then, my family reckon I'm odd, as a female who more or less drives like a male (I confess I've even managed, many years ago, to getting 105 mph out of a tiny fiesta 950 cc engine.......)

I think men are just more likely to do stuff they aren't as good at it for fear of looking wimpy.

If you are not a great driver and don't feel confident, don't drive. I don't think it make anyone pathetic

Actually I have to drive today, I haven't driven for the entire school hols, and feel a bit panicky. I know that I have done this a million times but I am finding it hard to breath normally. H is here pressuring me about it, and I can't give him an answer....When I posted yesterday, it was something I wanted to believe, something I wanted to make myself believe, but I have alot of issues and most of them have been caused by h. He has sat next to me shouting, not controlled the kids while I drive, trying to make me change lanes when dangerous to do so, make me go at roundabouts when not enough gap, I could list lots. It is just that first initial drive then I will be fine, I hope.