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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think men could be a bit more original when it comes to fabcying random women?

55 replies

greythorne · 29/08/2010 15:41

Just feeling disappointed with DH and our friend (god-father to our DD).

We recently went out for dinner in a lovely restaurant on the beach, beautiful sunset, the DCs were playing well together on the sand as we sipped our drinks.

Next thing, the waitress came to out table to take our order. She looked like a comic book "sexually attractive woman"...that is to say, very big breasts, very tight vest tee shirt, slim build, tight leggings (complete with camel's toe crotch thingy). To me, she looked very unattractive as she looked.....ahem, cheap, unstylish, obvious. She was not pretty, but she had all the obvious sexual cues.

You know what's coming....DH and his pal were like giggling school boys making all sorts of stupid innuendo about her physique (tits, specifically) and her clothes (all tight, all skimpy).

AIBU to think men are pathetically obvious when it comes to what turns them on?

OP posts:
lazarusb · 29/08/2010 16:03

Some are, obviously. I'd have more of a problem with the lack of respect shown by your husband to you in this situation personally.

Original poster
greythorne · 29/08/2010 16:11

Oh, don't worry, Lazarush, I did speak to him about precisely that: his lack of respect for me and his childishnes (and he apologised and admitted there was a group effect of being with his old school friend - not an excuse at all, of course, just compounds the issue: he's weak-willed as well as disrespectful, but there you go).

More, I just feel so disappointed that at the end of the day, a woman can try to be attractive in many ways but for some men, it's still about the size of the breasts and skinny, revealing clothing.

Sigh.

OP posts:
Gay40 · 29/08/2010 16:16

And how many of those men actually end up with women who look like that?

Original poster
greythorne · 29/08/2010 16:33

gay40
I agree; madonna / whore complex
but again, so bloody predictable

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/08/2010 16:38

Some are, but not all. DH is repulsed by such women and wouldn't have given her a second glance.

But even if he did think a waitress was attractive, and I'm sure he has many times, he would never be so disrespectful to me as to behave as your DH did.

EricNorthmansmistress · 29/08/2010 16:57

YABU and YANBU
what people find attractive is very varied. I can appreciate a tall, built, tanned gorgeous man, and if I was with a group of female friends we might have a giggle and a nudge if one walked by....doesn't mean I only fancy that sort of man! I've been attracted to pretty much every physical type going over the years. Likewise with men. Large breasts, skimpt clothes and a nice figure will appeal to most men, that doesn't mean that's the only type they find appealing!

YANBU to mind them being such immature twats around you though. That was really rude and disrespectful.

Gay40 · 29/08/2010 17:16

I think whatever your gender/orientation, peer pressure can play a part in your response sometimes. Most men I know in company would make the odd comment about a big titted blonde, however I know from other conversations that they aren't interested in that at all really. Likewise for me, no amount of big titted, legs to the neck types would satisfy me unless they considered pizza and Question Time to be preferable to pubbing and clubbing.

ccpccp · 29/08/2010 17:16

I doubt he looked at her attributes and decided, after analysis, to be attracted to her. There is either immediate attraction or there isnt.

She obviously had something that worked, and was presenting it 'well'.

ALL Men are hardwired that way. Even the ones who arent being obvious about it are just keeping it from you. DH just forgot himself when old friend was around.

Dont kid yourself Alibaba. Wink

sunny2010 · 29/08/2010 17:38

Tight tops and leggings are very popular and I would hardly describe them as cheap and tacky. There is nothing wrong with your husband finding this woman attractive. I think you are just being a little jealous.

Original poster
greythorne · 29/08/2010 17:56

sunny
I was waiting for someone to come out with the "you're jealous" line!
I don't think I am...I am tall and slim (having had two DC°, size 10, very happy in my own skin, confident. But I dress in a way which is not designed to titlillate random men. And yes, I do know that leggings are v popular...even wear them myself, just with a long line jumper dress, rather than with a tight vest. I really i am not jealous of a woman who thinks the camel toe look is fine!

OP posts:
nellieblywannabe · 29/08/2010 18:08

No, sorry, you are jealous, it's so obvious. It's your dh's fault for behaving so rudely.

I'm sure that woman didn't dress that way or inflate her tits especially for the purpose of titillating your husband and his friend. It's hot, it's a beach, she's working... Think about it. As a waitress you need your clothes to be cool and comfy, and well-fitting as cannot have them flapping around you, restricting your movement and getting into food. As, say, a long line jumper dress would. Not to mention it would be far too hot.

emmyloulou · 29/08/2010 18:20

Ahh she is probably youngish, child-free she has got it she is flaunting it, I don't see the huge issue with that or for your bitchiness towards her.

I used to flaunt my assets pre kids, I fitted the slim, big titted, blonde stereotype apart from the faact I had an education and career which skipped some by.

Now I am a bit older, kids etc, it's more a school run smart, or functions when we go out, I wouldn't be seen dead in leggings and all that jazz I used to where whilst temping as a waitress/bar maid.

People move on, however your hubby was a bit rude to you about it, but we are all pre tuned to notice attractive people and that does not necessarily mean a pretty face there are lots of cues people home in on.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/08/2010 20:59

ccpccp - did I say that DH wasn't attracted to anyone other than me? I think you'll find I didn't. But I know for a fact that he doesn't find the blonde/huge tits/skimpy clothes look attractive.

Ishouldprobablywax · 29/08/2010 21:04

It's not her fault is it? I don't get why you're talking her down tbh- your dh was horribly rude to her as well as you. What a pig.

FallingWithStyle · 29/08/2010 21:07

How rude of them to behave that way at a family meal.

I totally understand why men would find that look attractive but what I dont get - and actually it annoys me but I'm not sure why - is when men drool about women with fit bodies, tight clothes etc but are facially unattractive. Whats that all about?

Actually I think I do know why it annoys me, because its kind of dehumanising I think - if you only find someone attractive from the neck down it seems really bleurgh...its not a compliment, is it?

MillyR · 29/08/2010 21:10

I do feel sorry for the waitress. I don't see why just because a woman is slim with large breasts she shouldn't be able to wear leggings and a vest top in the summer.

It is a perfectly ordinary outfit for a young woman at the moment and not cheap or unstylish.

Minxie1977 · 29/08/2010 21:11

YABU - they had a look at the pretty girl and acted a bit twatty!

Ishouldprobablywax · 29/08/2010 21:14

Exactly milly-I bet that was her uniform. I'd wear leggings rather than spend loads on black trousers fir a waitressing job. I'm blonde and booby and I get fed up of jealous old scrags giving me dirty looks because their dh can't control themselves.

Minxie1977 · 29/08/2010 21:24

I would have been a bit Hmm at her camel toe tho - guess that'd make me a jealous old scrag!?! Grin

Original poster
greythorne · 29/08/2010 21:38

Def wasn't a uniform! No other waiting staff were dressed anything like that.

I agree that leggings are practical (and no, I wasn't suggesting a long jersey dress over leggings for her, that would clearly be unsuitable) but I stand by what I said: she looked cheap. There's leggings and well, leggings. She looked like a Katie Price lookalike which, to me, but subjective of course, is not a stylish look.

(checks in mirror to see if I really am an old scrag)

OP posts:
sunny2010 · 30/08/2010 07:47

'I was waiting for someone to come out with the "you're jealous" line!
I don't think I am...I am tall and slim (having had two DC°, size 10, very happy in my own skin, confident. But I dress in a way which is not designed to titlillate random men. And yes, I do know that leggings are v popular...even wear them myself, just with a long line jumper dress, rather than with a tight vest. I really i am not jealous of a woman who thinks the camel toe look is fine!'

She probaby didnt realise she had a 'camel toe' as cuch . Wearing a tight top with legging is hardly slutty thats what our uniform is for work and I work with kids!!!

sunny2010 · 30/08/2010 07:49

I will add that its leggings and tight top in summer and trackies and trainers in winter. Its because of the heat and working in a physical job we change uniforms. I would hardly describe it as slutty Hmm

Original poster
greythorne · 30/08/2010 13:37

But sunny, as I said above, there's leggings and leggings. Loads of people wear leggings as a uniform. that's of course fine. But this woman was definitely dressed in an overtly sexual way - as I said before, think Katie Price - and not in a practical, uniformy way.

I do end up thinking, why do I bother? I could dress like her, I do have a good figure (not the massive boobs, though :) ) but I don't because I would feel weirdly sexualised just going about my every day life. This woman was obviously fine about it. Good on her. I am really not trying to do her down. I am not being bitchy about her.

I am mocking men like my dim DH who are so predictable and unorignal, even the ones like my DH who are generally pro-equality, modern, chore-sharing, co-parenting, good communicators etc.

OP posts:
sunny2010 · 30/08/2010 13:43

If you feel weirdly sexualised by it then thats not her fault. You can be equal and admire the opposite sex obviously. Him finding her sext has nothing to do with co-parenting or chore sharing lol. You just cant help what you are attracted to. I do think this is still you being jealous that he found someone who looked different to you sexy.

lorelilee · 30/08/2010 13:48

so,Greythorne - what 'look' would be acceptable for your husband and his friend to lust over?