Hi,
Warning - huge post!
I'm usually one for fixing trying to fix your own problems yourself, however, as helpful as mumsnet may well be for a number of child related problems - the internet is nowhere near the best place to get advice to sort out complex problems involving others. Both sides of the story are seldom shown and I'm sure your husband could post an equally heart-felt and plausible representation online. Most women have sons, brothers or male friends who they will say have an ex, girlfriend or wife from hell. Those same partners from hell will say the exact opposite. Same story - very different versions.
The way I hear my female friends talking about their friends paints a very scary picture of someone you would under no circumstances want to live with or even know. Many of these women have partners who will no doubt appear on here under posts like 'dh doesn't help/care/understand' posts that leave out virtually everything their friends have told me about them. If you are in any doubt, check out your girl-friends' facebook postings - largely fiction/exaggeration casting them as the glamorous or long-suffering heroine.
The most important thing is that you get yourself sorted so that your future can be brighter and consequently your child's. Your ex-to-be will have to do that too on his own. When we talk to others around us who know both sides of our predicament we usually find the answers we get are not the ones we want to hear, however, they are closer to the truth. This sends many people running to the internet in search of answers which suit them - usually brought about by leaving out most of our own unpleasant behaviour or contributions to the problem . Unfortunately, those answers can often leave us repeating the same mistakes over and over, blighting ours and our childrens' lives.
Not a big fan of counselling - been there myself and found it might be more useful to pay a Churchill nodding dog a kings randsom an hour to nod pointlessly at me. They do, however, throw up the occasional nugget of wisdom, based on knowing you a little bit - far more than they would get to know you online.
What we have to do is ask ourselves, do we go online to find genuine solutions or is it just to get us back into a comfort zone where we are right and the world is doing us wrong. If it's the latter, then all good and well for the individual involved but, unfortunately, that's not really good enough where children are involved.
If we really care about our children's futures we all have to open up and be honest with ourselves as to whether we're looking for genuine solutions which we genuinely intend to follow or endorsement to carry on the same but feel a bit better about ourselves and ourselves alone - which is what how we may well eventually end up.
I wish you all the best in sorting out your problem. But you'll find far far better answers from those who know you both well.