Toddler and Cinema - was I out of order?

[Eve4Walle]

Today I decided to take DD (6) and DS (2.8) to the kids club at the cinema. Costs a fiver for all three of us, DH at work and little else to do, so although DS is young, I thought what the hell, if it only costs that, then if we have to leave early, then so be it. I also mistakenly felt that people would probably be more tolerant as well.

DS sat still for the first 40 minutes or so, but started getting fidgety after that, and when that happens, I know a tantrum isn't far behind, so I let him slip off his seat for a bit and he pottered about in front of me for about 5 minutes. We were right at the front with 4 empty aisles in front and then the screen. Behind me was a woman with three 6-9 year olds I'd say.

Anyway, DS was being quiet but he was walking about, just being curious, when lady behind me taps me on the shoulder and says 'Aren't you going to make him sit down?' I was a bit surprised and said 'he's 2, and is he disturbing you?' and she replied 'no, but he is being distracting'.

I knew straight away that we'd have to leave as DS wouldn't get any better and would be liable to start making actual noise, so I told DD to get her bag and prepare to leave. She wanted to know why we had to go and I gave her some line, and the woman behind tapped me again and said 'oh don't make her go'. I was shocked again and said we had to as it was obv an issue to her and got up and left. But I did tell her I hope she was pleased with herself on the way past.

Got outside, rang DH and had a blub as felt sorry for both my kids.

So, if you're still with me, was I in the wrong? Would my DS have bothered you by walking about and being quiet? Or should I have expected this?

'Not to be funny but the parents who let there kids do this are there own worst enemys as it's your kids with no disapline and awareness of how they should behave in certain situations who will end up with asbo's and problems with rules when they get older.'

Well, OP - we been warned. Our kids are going to have ASBOs.

That's going to make me laugh all day!

Actually Holden, both my children are disciplined. They have never been allowed to get away with some of the stuff other kids do and other people have even told me in the past that I am too hard on them and expect perfection where it isn't possible to get it. Thanks for trying to tell me children will end up with an ASBO though, I appreciate that. Nice one.

I work hard at doing the best for my children, am not a 'slummy mummy' who leaves them to it.

I still fail to see how a 2 year old being quiet but wandering about could distract/disturb anyone. Yes, you'd see him moving about in the darkness but then you'd bring your eyes back up to the screen and continue watching (if it wasn't yours of course).

The woman shouldn't have said anything if she didn't want a mouthful. What she did say was done in a very chippy way which immediately got my back up. We are all adults - don't dish it if you can't take it etc etc.

I just ran this by my DH - at a normal cinema showing - he would've taken our DS out, but at kids' club, he wouldn't have either. And as for discipline, we have plenty in our house, too.

I think it's sad that so few people thinks that older children are important enough to be worthy of consideration.

Obviously at a kids' screening it doesn't matter if the adults are distracted, but it does very much matter if older children, who are behaving themselves appropriately, have their trip to the cinema spoiled because other children are wandering about.

My elder dd is only 2, so I know a bit about how unruly, irrepressible toddlers behave and have no experience parenting an older child.

Still though, when we are out at places for children I always try to make sure she doesn't spoil things for older children. It's one thing to expect adults to be indulgent of toddlers, but quite another to expect the same of 6 or 7 year olds.

The whole "it's just for kids, so who cares if they can't concentrate" is very disrespectful of the children who want to watch.

The comment about ASBOS is ridiculous, which is a shame because it detracts from the very rational debate.

Actually I do think a child wandering at the front of the cinema would be a distraction to many people. The OP seems to have decided for every other customer what is and isn't a distraction. Being noisy would be a distraction, wandering isn't. I think you need to be more considerate of other people, and accept that they might see things differently. I genuinely would find it distracting, trying to watch a film with someone pootling back and forth below the screen. Now, I totally accept that in a Kids Club film I probably wouldn't be too bothered, because I'd be gritting my teeth waiting for the end, but remember there are older kids there who genuinely want to watch the film, and follow the story and they have the right to do that.

I also don't get this idea that somehow not going to the cinema is 'depriving' the older child. Part of family life is accepting that sometimes you have to do things which a re appropriate as a whole family. Other times you can get a babysitter, or go out with one parent, but at times when one parent alone is in charge, it's fairest to do activities which are appropriate for all

x posts there skidoodly - agree totally

Skidoodly - I agree!

I really don;t like it when little ones are allowed to spoil older one's fun. I remeber at a dance performance dd was in which the y had practiced and worked very hard for, teo little ones wandered down to the front and started dancing temselves in front of the stae. They were very sweet, but that wasn't the point. It was the bigger girls' evening - they were entitled to have everyone's attention on then, not on a couple of scene-stealing toddlers. ANd their parents did absolutely noting about it, and were obviously miffed when the dance teacher came out between numbers to ask for them to be moved.

Also, it is SOOO hard to keep your own children behaving properly if they see others no, and quite reasonably ask why they can't wander about too!

We have that, too, though - we're most often the parents making our children sit while other people's kids are wandering around, giving them our reasons why they can't do it, too.

I'm not sure I agree with the sentiment from another poster that if you are indulgent of your 2 year old, it means you have no consideration of older children. I don't think the two are exclusive.

When I mean sit while other kids wander, I'm talking about in restaurants etc not cinemas. As I said before, at a full price showing I wouldn't let any of ours wander, but at kids club, I think the rules are different.