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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler and Cinema - was I out of order?

184 replies

Eve4Walle · 23/08/2010 14:21

Today I decided to take DD (6) and DS (2.8) to the kids club at the cinema. Costs a fiver for all three of us, DH at work and little else to do, so although DS is young, I thought what the hell, if it only costs that, then if we have to leave early, then so be it. I also mistakenly felt that people would probably be more tolerant as well.

DS sat still for the first 40 minutes or so, but started getting fidgety after that, and when that happens, I know a tantrum isn't far behind, so I let him slip off his seat for a bit and he pottered about in front of me for about 5 minutes. We were right at the front with 4 empty aisles in front and then the screen. Behind me was a woman with three 6-9 year olds I'd say.

Anyway, DS was being quiet but he was walking about, just being curious, when lady behind me taps me on the shoulder and says 'Aren't you going to make him sit down?' I was a bit surprised and said 'he's 2, and is he disturbing you?' and she replied 'no, but he is being distracting'.

I knew straight away that we'd have to leave as DS wouldn't get any better and would be liable to start making actual noise, so I told DD to get her bag and prepare to leave. She wanted to know why we had to go and I gave her some line, and the woman behind tapped me again and said 'oh don't make her go'. I was shocked again and said we had to as it was obv an issue to her and got up and left. But I did tell her I hope she was pleased with herself on the way past.

Got outside, rang DH and had a blub as felt sorry for both my kids.

So, if you're still with me, was I in the wrong? Would my DS have bothered you by walking about and being quiet? Or should I have expected this?

OP posts:
violethill · 23/08/2010 16:09

I think it's one of those things that's impossible to judge without having actually been there. OK, so your ds wasn't actually making a noise, but he was wandering about in front of the screen which is distracting tbh. And yes, at a kids' screening, you would expect a certain amount of fidgeting, but frankly, if every child or even most were actually out of their seats, it would be mayhem. Overall, I wouldn't take a 2 year old to the cinema, I don't think it's fair as they won't be engaged in the film and it's a long time to sit still. I would have turned the front room into a 'cinema' with pop corn and treats instead. It doesn't sound as though your ds was awful, but I can see the other customers point of view, and above all I think it's a big ask to expect a 2 year old to cope with the cinema

muggglewump · 23/08/2010 16:12

Lyns2, I am a single parent, with no help at all.
I didn't take DD to the Cinema until I thought she could sit and shush, and I'd have immediately taken her out if she didn't.

Rookie, I didn't realise that, I assumed they were kids films aimed more at small babies/kids less wanting to sit still and be quiet.

As I said in a PP, the Kids Club at the cinema we go to shows older films, ones already out on DVD so I assumed that's why it's cheaper, not because there's wandering kids.

I still stand by what I said about not taking children to the cinema who can't behave as cinema etiquette dictates.

It's not fair on the rest of us.

mumbar · 23/08/2010 16:19

Oh I hope this woman doesn't come to my local kids club viewing. I took ds at 3 to see Thomas Movie Grin I was worried he wouldn't sit still but there were toddlers toddling, babies BF, sweets/ popcorn everywhere and was really relaxed and enjoyable.

YANBU to be annoyed at lady but YABU not to have taken the olive branch as said above as dd has missed out.

ProfYaffle · 23/08/2010 16:23

fwiw op, I think with a potentially restless little one you're better off sitting at the back rather than the front. He won't get in anyone's field of vision and it's easier to slip out if he gets noisy too.

violethill · 23/08/2010 16:28

Good point profyaffle.

A child wandering at the front is a distraction to every viewer in the cinema, whereas sitting near the back would have been far less intrusive

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 16:29

pssst mugggs ages ago I (as TheBoy) posted on this thread - did you see it?

thereis are there silly numbers of posters with names relating to you-know-who, or is it just my imagination? BTW I don't think you were being dim - it was me not being clear.

As you were...

BalloonSlayer · 23/08/2010 16:31

Anyone who responds to someone who suggests they could control their child a little bit better by telling them their child's age is Being Unreasonable.

  • See also the Boy in the Changing room thread; "He's Nine"
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 16:31

mumbar I'd expect various toddler-type disruption at a showing of Thomas. I'd be annoyed if we had to put up with lots of disruption at a screening of, ummm, The Golden Compass, for example.

Original poster
Eve4Walle · 23/08/2010 16:33

Balloon, what is so wrong with that? I thought it might help her understand why he was restless, and FWIW, he looks quite a bit older than he is.

OP posts:
JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 16:35

The Boy in the Changing Room thread
Behind the hatred there lies
A murderous desire toooo
Get changed without being gawped at

I'll get me coat...

DinahRod · 23/08/2010 16:36

The lady who complained obviously felt a bit bad when she saw Eve$Walle get ready to leave but what was the OP to do? Let ds continue to be a distraction or to try and make him sit down would have resulted in far more noise.

So the complaining lady imo was intolerant, E4W embarrassed and rattled hence the comment at the end - because essentially the only avenue to her was to leave.

The mitigating factor is that E4W knew ds was getting restless so might have left the cinema early anyway.

Am venturing back into the cinema with dc2 on Monday after a 2yr gap where it was clear she wouldn't last the film - coincidentally it was Wall-e!

frasersmummy · 23/08/2010 16:36

the kids club usually show a kids film that is no longer on general release..

EG last month we had nanny mcphee 2 and the tooth fairy

YOu pay £2.50 for each child and one adult goes free

The very price structure says to me that adults are a secondary consideration at these showings

shimmerysilverglitter · 23/08/2010 16:37

No I don't think you were being out of order.

I took dd to see Toy Story 3 last week, first time at the cinema. She wandered around a bit but I sat quite near the front (massive cinema) and there were so few people there that there was no one near us to be disturbed by her.

It is kids film so I think this kind of thing is to be expected and certainly at a "Kids" showing. I would have just said "No, he is only two and this is a kids showing isn't it?" with a big friendly smile on my face. I wouldn't have left but probably would have felt uncomfortable and I can see why you did leave.

Since I have had dc I am so much more tolerant and understanding of other children and I suppose I expect other parents to be the same.

Sorry your were upset and your first cinema trip with you ds was spoiled.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 16:38

Jenai - I've noticed it too. It's great I think. Who knew there were so many appreciative people?

And I really think I was being dim - it's my natural state these days.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 16:39

Grin @Jenai

theyoungvisiter · 23/08/2010 16:39

"The very price structure says to me that adults are a secondary consideration at these showings"

Alas, at my local kids club you pay a fiver per child AND a fiver per adult.

I don't mind paying through the nose for my little darling, but I do find my teeth start to itch at forking out a fiver for ME to see Bob and Wendy Go to Hawaii or whatever the latest gem is.

Chandon · 23/08/2010 16:40

She was a bit OTT, but you then gave a big show of passive-agressive behaviour, goodness!

To stomp out of that, blaming her, and then crying...

You need to get some perspective.

So, you judged a situation wrongly, 2 is too young for the cinema, please remember it is not a big deal.

not worth crying about. You overreacted, not sure if YWBU...

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 16:40

Do we need our own forum, do you think?!!

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 16:41

2 is not too young for the cinema. Surely it depends on your child? It's a silly generalisation to make.

muggglewump · 23/08/2010 16:42

Jenai, I'd missed that, but thanks.
Still out of my reach for now unfortunately, but DD is still young, so hopefully one year.
I went from 12-17, and she's 9 (almost, will be on Saturday), so plenty of time yet.

They are fabulous holidays, and I'd love her to have one.

[/hijack]

frasersmummy · 23/08/2010 16:42

young visiter.. thats outrageous.. I take it thats not an odeon

cos if is then we need a petition for them to have the same price accross the uk

at that price I would want current releases

gagamama · 23/08/2010 16:44

YANBU to let your DS wander around in a Kids' Club session at all - that's, surely, the entire point of having a seperate kids' showing? I've been to a couple of these before and it's been really a relaxed and friendly experience.

BalloonSlayer · 23/08/2010 16:45

What's wrong with it? Because it gives the impression that by saying "he's two" you expected her to say "Oh that's OK then" when, realistically, the natural reaction is "So?" or "Yes well I didn't think he was 7" or "I can see that, which is why I think you could control him a bit more."

FWIW I do feel sorry for you, and think she shouldn't have said anything. We have a (generally well behaved Hmm) nearly three year old and have been to the cinema several times this holidays with the older DCs but with one of us staying behind because we think he is too young not to disturb other people.

mumbar · 23/08/2010 16:45

jenai I totally agree with you but I don't think op was watching such a grown up film?

Did she say what she went to see - did I miss it?

If not OP what film was showing?

theyoungvisiter · 23/08/2010 16:46

I'm not sure how much the local Odeon is - but this is a Vue.

I don't know about current releases - I think personally a free gin for every adult customer would be more to the point.