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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Toddler and Cinema - was I out of order?

184 replies

Eve4Walle · 23/08/2010 14:21

Today I decided to take DD (6) and DS (2.8) to the kids club at the cinema. Costs a fiver for all three of us, DH at work and little else to do, so although DS is young, I thought what the hell, if it only costs that, then if we have to leave early, then so be it. I also mistakenly felt that people would probably be more tolerant as well.

DS sat still for the first 40 minutes or so, but started getting fidgety after that, and when that happens, I know a tantrum isn't far behind, so I let him slip off his seat for a bit and he pottered about in front of me for about 5 minutes. We were right at the front with 4 empty aisles in front and then the screen. Behind me was a woman with three 6-9 year olds I'd say.

Anyway, DS was being quiet but he was walking about, just being curious, when lady behind me taps me on the shoulder and says 'Aren't you going to make him sit down?' I was a bit surprised and said 'he's 2, and is he disturbing you?' and she replied 'no, but he is being distracting'.

I knew straight away that we'd have to leave as DS wouldn't get any better and would be liable to start making actual noise, so I told DD to get her bag and prepare to leave. She wanted to know why we had to go and I gave her some line, and the woman behind tapped me again and said 'oh don't make her go'. I was shocked again and said we had to as it was obv an issue to her and got up and left. But I did tell her I hope she was pleased with herself on the way past.

Got outside, rang DH and had a blub as felt sorry for both my kids.

So, if you're still with me, was I in the wrong? Would my DS have bothered you by walking about and being quiet? Or should I have expected this?

OP posts:

MumNWLondon · 23/08/2010 14:55

I probably would have told DD she could stay I'd be right outside the door with little brother and would poke my head round the door every so often.

mistletoekisses · 23/08/2010 14:57

Sorry but I think YABU. I dont think a toddler has any place in a cinema and even for kids screenings, you need to wait until you know they can sit through a screening (or be taken outside for some air). DS1 is 3 in a few weeks and I am nowhere close to taking him into a cinema.

theyoungvisiter · 23/08/2010 14:57

Thereisalight I don't think the people disagreeing with the OP have necessarily forgotten what it's like having toddlers!

I have a toddler - and a 4 year old. I take the 4 year old to the cinema and not the toddler - precisely for this reason.

I know exactly what it's like having a toddler, and I also know he's not capable of sitting down and I know he'd annoy the other customers. It's not just adults who deserve to enjoy their film - the other children have paid too.

I wouldn't have said anything to the OP but I don't think that the lady behind her was being a bitch, or deserved to be snapped at. She might have 3 toddlers at home for all we know.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 14:58

And I disagree with a previous poster who said 'A 2 year old is way too young for the cinema' - we each are aware of what our children are capable of doing and act accordingly. If it was a problem, then surely the cinema would have a policy/age limit?

And someone else said you were rude as you left - well, maybe you were snippy - but not without provocation and no ruder than the lady who told you how to deal with your own child. The nerve. Sorry - I'm really cross on your behalf now.

MoonGlorious · 23/08/2010 15:00

I take my 20 onth old to ds cl,

theresw always kids shouting and messng, its only £1 each and I don't mind a bit of noise!!

Would have been pissed if it were £6 each though!! lol

LittleMissHissyFit · 23/08/2010 15:04

Oh FGS, kids clubs on a saturday morning when I was little was a bunfight.

Back then DC would be dropped off and left there though.

It's the parents that are causing the trouble!!

FWIW Eve, I think you were NBU. if your 2yo was just pottering about, not screaming/talking/making a noise, then what was the harm?

In future don't allow yourself to be intimidated into leaving by someone who ought to have been prepared for a right mouthful had she done in in our local town with the wrong person....

Stand your ground as long as your toddler isn't really kicking off, I think what you said was actually fine. Hope she'll feel dreadful about ruining your afternoon.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 15:08

It's Kids Club, not toddler group. I don't think it's fair to expect people of any age to have to tolerate too many distractions at a cinema from anyone - and that incldes young children.

It reminds me of a children's play I took ds to see - aimed at 5 and overs and with various quiet, serious, "atmospheric" bits (so not a big audience participation number and definately not a panto). The number of people who allowed their toddlers to talk, wail and generally disrupt proceedings for everyone else really put both ds and I off going again. Yes one would expect more noise than at a Checkov play, but this was ridiculous.

The fact that it's a cheaper session is irrelevant, imo. Children deserve to be able to enjoy a film or performance as much as adults do.

curryfreak · 23/08/2010 15:08

You shouldnt be taking a two year old to the cinema, kids club or not, unless you are able to make him sit down, which you chose not to do.
What about the other kids enjoyment of the film, or does this not matter to you?
YADBU.

Minxie1977 · 23/08/2010 15:08

Think you overreacted- woman prob felt bad & then asked you not to go. She shouldn't have said anything in first place though. I agree with the six of one/half dozen of the other comments.

ShinyAndNew · 23/08/2010 15:09

Going to kids club at our local Cinema is like visiting the zoo. But then it's only £1 per child and accompanying adults (no more than 1 per child) are free, so no one really minds.

You were slightly unreasonable in what you said to her on your way, she could have been more understanding and just ignored ds.

wouldliketoknow · 23/08/2010 15:09

PEOPLE, GET A GRIP!

i am shocked at the responses the op is getting, this is the kids club, if you want to see a movie in peace go to an adult session, if he was only walking around quietly, that's pretty good, actually... and that woman which would have complaint any way...

take your kids to the cinema, have fun, and if someone bothers you tell the staff...

i read a thread not long ago about how victorian people still are, children are to be seen, not heard, they should be like smaller adults, yeah, right!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 15:10

put both ds and I off - crap grammar. Sorry.

Eve - I understand why you were upset but I also understand why the other woman wasn't best pleased. If your toddler was agitated, you should have taken him out into the foyer for a bit.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/08/2010 15:10

Sorry, a toddler wandering about would disturb me and so YABU. If they are too young to sit then they are too young for the cinema, IMO.

JeMeSouviens · 23/08/2010 15:11

YANBU, and no 2yo ISN'T too young for the cinema. Our 3yo must have seen 20 or so films by now, he loves it. We only take him out if he's noisy, and no option of kid specific viewings where we are.

I agreee it was a Kid's Club viewing, so for kids, a bit of pottering about shouldn't bother anyone, but then, some people have little else to worry about.

theyoungvisiter · 23/08/2010 15:13

lol at the classic MN split. Clearly this debate is the new P&T parking spaces.

Although sliiiiightly taken aback at how high passions are rising. Coming onto the thread and shrieking "PEOPLE GET A GRIP!" is a leetle OTT IMO

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 23/08/2010 15:14

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how a toddler just wondering round could disturb people? He wasn't actually make any noise at all. Truthfully, this wouldn't distract me from a film at all.

Jenai - he wasn't agitated at all, but he would have been had I forced him to sit still.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eve4Walle · 23/08/2010 15:16

And the area where he was wandering was completely unoccupied - there were 4 rows in front of us which is where he was trundling about and there was nobody at all sat in them.

OP posts:

Minxie1977 · 23/08/2010 15:16

I have always made DSD sit down quietly in cinema - I explained how important it is to consider others feelings and have respect for others enjoying the film. Waited till she was 4 for cinema though - she even told me to shhh when I asked if she was ok Children don't have to be 'seen & not heard' but noone should spoil the cinema for others. Don't think a 2yr old would get the concept though. FWIW I think OP's 2 yr old behaved well, but I don't think running about& screeching is Ok (which so often happens), just because it's kids club!

4madboys · 23/08/2010 15:18

hmm i dont take my 2yr old to the cinema precisely because he wouldnt sit still BUT you went to the kids club, we have that and i take the older boys as its cheaper etc, have to say as its only £1 each i wouldnt mind a toddler in one of those showing, but if it was a full price showing of a film i would be annoyed.

i think kids club is for little ones as well so i dont think you should have had to leave.

wouldliketoknow · 23/08/2010 15:18

the young, it might be ott because i am sick and tired of reading threads where absolutely normal toddler behaviour gets flagg as a crime, or unreasonable, what? taking a child to a kids club? how dare you!
i am trying to stop reading this threads, or at least posting in them, best luck next time...

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 15:19

@ high passions!

I've been in a few situations recently (mainly park related) where the actions/wants of younger dcs (and their parents) have taken precedence over those of older ones, who are marginalised too often imo.

So yes, I have a bit of an axe to grind

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/08/2010 15:22

Eve - I had visions of your ds wandering in front of the screen. If he wasn't, Im sorry.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 23/08/2010 15:22

We've taken our 3 kids to the cinema (and to the theatre) - but generally I don't do it on my own - I make sure someone comes with me because of trips to the toilet mainly.

We took our DDs to see Alice in Wonderland recently and took our (then) 18 month old. He was fine. We did take him out when he got fidgety and started to make noise because of the other people there - but it was a full price showing. I wouldn't've taken him out if it was a kids' showing.

But it's like all those arguments about how kids shouldn't be allowed in restaurants. How are they supposed to learn the correct way of behaving if they are banished from being with other people?

theyoungvisiter · 23/08/2010 15:24

don't think anyone was saying the OP was unreasonable to try to take her 2 yo to the cinema, or that the 2yo was behaving in any way unreasonably in wandering around. Of course it was perfectly normal toddler behaviour.

What I'm saying is that I think she was a little bit unreasonable to take the hump when it didn't work out.

katkit · 23/08/2010 15:25

yanbu. it's the kids club! that's the point surely- there are kids there!

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