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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not allow my dd have her hair highlighted?

51 replies

colapips · 22/08/2010 19:41

My 14 yo dd wants her hair highlighted. She has been asking since she was 10, and I'm still saying no.

AIBU?

My reasons for saying no - one is the maintenance, once it's been done, it'll have to be done regularly, and that's additional out going costs. And two she's a pretty girl she doesn't need it.

But I say the cost one as someone who doesn't have her own hair done regularly - just not that way inclined, I don't have my own hair dyed, and do not maintain it with trips to hairdressers, bar 4 trips a year for a tidy up.

My dd currently has her hair cut every school term, and hasn't asked for that more regularly.

So AIBU? over to you MN jury.

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 22/08/2010 19:42

I would let her at 14 but with the understanding that it wouldnt be a regular thing. WHen she has a job she can pay for it herself.

ModreB · 22/08/2010 19:45

When I was 14 I had pink striped hair. I think that highlights are getting off lightly!

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 19:49

Argh this is a tricky one. If it was me, I would let her. But, I have my hair coloured regularly, and I can afford for her to go every 3 months and get it done again if I so desire.

So its not to say you should allow her to eat into your budget in that way.

You know the main reason why I'd do it though? Because if I kept saying no, she'd probably, eventually, buy a £6 from Superdrug kit and get her friend to do it at a sleepover.

And you say she's such a pretty girl...

TequilaMockinBird · 22/08/2010 19:49

My DD has had her hair highlighted for the first time this summer holidays, she's nearly 13.

I dont see anything wrong with tbh, she had been asking for about a year and I finally gave in this summer. I have to admit, it does look quite nice!

It cost about £30 but she does know that it wont be a regular thing!

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 19:50

Also, 14 year olds can get difficult to manage in certain ways as time goes on. If its important to her, it could be pretty good leverage...

"Get that lawn mowed now young lady or you'll have roots from here to kindom come..."

pjmama · 22/08/2010 19:50

I'd be inclined to let her if it's not too drastic a change and is done well so it looks quite natural. But I'd tell her that if she wants to keep up to it, she needs to get herself a Saturday job to save and pay for it herself otherwise she'll hate it when it starts to grow out!

snoozathon · 22/08/2010 19:51

Can she save pocket money or do jobs around the house to pay all or some of the cost? Highlights are the most expensive hairdo ever - I pay over 100 squid a time and I think at 14 it's ok to experiment, and if she's been asking since 10yo you've done the delayed gratification well already!

I remember using Sun-In at that age despite my mum saying no, and when I walked into the living room sheepishly with yellow hair, and she didn't shout, she said she was saving proper anger for when I did something properly rebellious like elope

snoozathon · 22/08/2010 19:52

Ooh I like sloanypony's tactics!

MiladyDeSummer · 22/08/2010 19:53

Mind she doesn't try to do it herself like I did. Remember the old home kits with the shower cap and crochet hook? I chickened out before the colour developed properly and had bright orange stripes.

My Dad had to take me to the all-night chemist to try and get something to fix it

Love the idea of using it as teenager management!

TequilaMockinBird · 22/08/2010 19:53

Yes, please take her to have it done properly before one of her mates does it with a home-kit or she uses Sun-in!!

If its not done properly, she could really ruin her hair. I used sun-in at about the same age because my Dad wouldnt let me get highlights, my hair nearly all snapped off. It was awful!

rainbowinthesky · 22/08/2010 19:54

I remember using sun in all the time as a teenager.

midori1999 · 22/08/2010 19:54

I'm a hairdresser and recently highlighted my friend's 13 year old daughter's hair. She had a full head of foils, no bleach but pale blonde high lift tint on her mousey blonde but sunlightened hair. The result was (as expected!) hair that looks pretty and like it has been lightened more by the sun. It looks very natural and although has made a fair amount of difference, her roots won't show horrendously or need doing often.

Unless your daughter wants a very drastic change, I would probably allow her to have some highlights, as the maintenance won't be too much.

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 19:55

Sloanypony I should say her looks are most certainly not from her mother!!!!

The cost where we are appears to be £70, I have to say it's the fear of a home job, that's beginning to make me wobble on saying yes. She went for a sleepover last week, and the mother of where she was phoned me up and asked if it was ok if they had permanent highlights done, that they wanted to buy in the chemist. I said no.

Now thinking do I bite the bullet and spend the £70, I'm thinking she could have it again as a birthday present, and again as part of christmas present. Therefore, I could probably comfortably (i.e. not impact on the rest of the family budget) offer it four times a year, on top of the normal hair cuts. But don't highlights need doing every 6 weeks - therefore should be done 8 times a year?

OP posts:

midori1999 · 22/08/2010 19:57

If the highlights are natural looking they will only need doing every 3 months, plus she can have a 'half head' (where they just do the top/sides/parting) every other time.

JGBMum · 22/08/2010 19:57

Can I just add a note of caution? What are her school like about highlighted/dyed hair?
At our teenagers school they are NOT allowed to dye/highlight their hair till 6th Form, and students ARE sent home if they do and not allowed to return until all the colour is removed.

nickschic · 22/08/2010 19:59

Cant she have it done at the local college?.

Teens grow up far too fast and if highlights make her happy and you can even at a stretch afford them ...indulge her- in fact why dont you go together and just have some time out?

PinkyMe · 22/08/2010 19:59

When I was 14, I used to ask if I could have my hair coloured red. I have had it treated (african hair) since I was about 11 but my dad always drew the line at colour (v v Old fashioned dad). He used to threaten to shave my head if I tried it . Think he would have as well.

Think you should resist as long as you can or make her work for it somehow. You know, x chores = 1 hair trip. She'll appreciate it more.

kingbeat23 · 22/08/2010 20:00

When I was 14 I worked in chemist and regularly dyed my own hair.

I think deep down it should be a bite the bullet and go and get it done in a salon but the mother in me is thinking...ooooh, 14 that's young

Thank goodness I have a few more years before I get all that!

snoozathon · 22/08/2010 20:00

Loads of places do cheaper for children or for first time clients- even in the SE you shouldn't pay £70.

And every 6 weeks? Not a chance. I have bleach highlights so my roots are relatively bad, and I still only go every 3 months.

shoshe · 22/08/2010 20:01

DGD is 14 and determined to have her naturally blonde hair dark.

So with Parents permission I dyed it with a semi permanent golden brown dye today. ( I dread to think what state it would have been if she had done it herself)

She doesn't like it and I am sure will be washing it everyday till it is gone

(We had done it previously with a toner, but it didnt 'take')

I think colouring your hair is a right of passage for teen girls

Mine was every colour under the sun

borderslass · 22/08/2010 20:02

I got a friend to do dd2's first time to see if she liked it when she was 13 shes now nearly 15 and has gone from streaks to blond with coloured tips, dd1 started at 14 and went through every colour imaginable she's now 19 and has normal coloured hair.So my view is to let her get it out of her system whilst young.
highlights don't need doing every 6 weeks dd2 got hers done twice a year.

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 20:02

No, she shouldn't need it doing every 6 weeks unless she's going from a mousy brown to quite a light blond.

You need to go with her if you are paying and speak to the hairdresser, and ensure that they are not too closely packed. Also, you dont have a full head every time.

Also, depending on her natural colour, you might get away with only ever having a half head, and then having a t-section every second time so they dont build up too much - if she's sort of dark blond or almost blond anyway. A t-section is the parting and crown area with a few extra at the front.

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 20:04

There's a reason why prisoners have TV's in their cells and other priviliges. They have to have something to take off them if they dont tow the line...

(Honestly this is true, there is a name for it as a prison model, which i can't remember, which I studied when I did criminology many moons ago)...

LittleMissHissyFit · 22/08/2010 20:06

If you have said No, it's a no. It's your decision. Tell her when she has left school, has some income and saves up for it, then she can highlight her hair.

I had the same issue with my mum and pierced ears. was not allowed them until I was 16. She never gave in, and boy, did we ever torment her to get them done!

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:10

The irony is her hair is naturally streaked, i.e. the number of times the comments of, oh have you had your highlighted, no it's natural, oh but look at all the different colours, predominantly dark blonde, but with light blonde, ash blonde, and strawberry blonde streaks in it. So quite what a hairdresser would do I wouldn't like to say

Her school's policy which is what I used to use as my argument as her junior school was no dyed hair full stop - that was easy her senior school is only naturally dyed colours allowed - i.e. not the greens I presume.

Seems a very strong weighting that at this age I should allow her to, and it's better that it's under supervision, than a blanket no.

OP posts:

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