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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not allow my dd have her hair highlighted?

51 replies

colapips · 22/08/2010 19:41

My 14 yo dd wants her hair highlighted. She has been asking since she was 10, and I'm still saying no.

AIBU?

My reasons for saying no - one is the maintenance, once it's been done, it'll have to be done regularly, and that's additional out going costs. And two she's a pretty girl she doesn't need it.

But I say the cost one as someone who doesn't have her own hair done regularly - just not that way inclined, I don't have my own hair dyed, and do not maintain it with trips to hairdressers, bar 4 trips a year for a tidy up.

My dd currently has her hair cut every school term, and hasn't asked for that more regularly.

So AIBU? over to you MN jury.

OP posts:

borderslass · 22/08/2010 20:13

colapips both my girls had hair like that in the summer they're hair looked lovely.
Mine was the same until I had to dye it to cover the grey.

atswimtwolengths · 22/08/2010 20:16

Do you live near a college that has a hair and beauty salon? She would only have to pay a few pounds there.

Otherwise, there must be places that are cheaper than £70! Most salons have student nights where the trainees do work for a very low cost.

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:18

I tell you borderslass her hair is worth £70, having it done for £70 is not!!!

I'm going to do my research on local salons and see if I can get it down in price - can anyone recommend one in the Southampton area?

OP posts:

autodidact · 22/08/2010 20:18

I think at 14 she's approaching old enough to choose her own haircut/style/colour. Don't think I'd have a major problem with it but my oldest children are only 11 so maybe I'll change my mind! But if she's not got a Saturday job or paper round or something to fund herself I suppose technically at least you get a say.

diddl · 22/08/2010 20:20

Actually, I wouldn´t.

TBH, that´s the sort of thing you have done when you can afford it yourself imo.

shoshe · 22/08/2010 20:21

I was right, DGD is in the bathroom, washing it out

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 20:21

Its a pity highlights cost so much but I guess its the skill involved and it IS the most prettiest, natural looking thing you can do for mousy or dark blond hair that needs a lift.

When I think of the terrible things I did to my hair as a teen, which were self funded, I'd be more than happy to throw some money at the problem with my daughter to ensure I at least had a little control influence over the situation.

But you have to consider the household budget.

SaorAlba · 22/08/2010 20:25

I wouldn't have a problem with letting her get it done, but I'd make her pay for it herself. Or let her have the first one as a birthday/Christmas present and make her pay for the rest.

But I'm in a position where I don't have any beauty/hair treatments for myself beyond a hair cut every 9-12 months so I could very much get away with "if mine doesn't come out of the family budget then neither does yours."

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:27

Shoshe if my dd tries to wash out £70 worth of highlights, her punishment will be being banned from the bathroom for a month, and the amount of time she's spending in there anyway at the moment would be severe punishment!!

I'm feeling better about funds, if it won't look naff being done only every 3 months. She's doing adhoc work now, and babysits for us, so with 2 presents, and 2 shared costs from working for 4 times a year, I'm comfortable that at least for this year coming it could be funded, and if the fad has passed fine, if not, she can go and work more hours :)

OP posts:

mrmagoo · 22/08/2010 20:35

Out of interest, why do you care so much how your 14-year-old looks? If my daughter wants to do a botch-job with home-highlights it's a rite of passage if you ask me. Who cares if it looks crap - it'll grow out.

TrillianAstra · 22/08/2010 20:43

I would say yes as long as she pays for it. She can save up and work and have it done nicely in a saon, or do a rubbish job with a cheap home kit, but would not get bailed out if it went wrong, or if she had failed to save up enough and had terrible roots, or had spent all her money on highlights and couldn't go to the cinema, etc.

oxocube · 22/08/2010 20:44

My almost 13 yr old has been asking for the past year to have her hair 'changed' - darker or lighter, she didn't care so long as it was different!! Her natural colour is a beautiful, naturally streaky dark blond that I would kill for. She would have done it herself anyway - black, I think - which would have been rather vile. Anyway, a few weeks ago I coloured her hair with a semi permanent dye, in a reddish brown which is actually quite nice. I think it should last for a few months.

Its only hair after all. Just another form of self-expression and less permanent than tattoos!! Mine has been all the colours under the sun.

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:44

Because mrmagoo, history tells me - i.e. when she nagged asked to have her hair cut short, it was all my fault that she didn't like it, and therefore when her roots are showing and her life is awful cause how can she leave the house with roots like that, it'll still be my fault that she had her hair dyed, because I said yes!!!

OP posts:

shoshe · 22/08/2010 20:45

Colspips, it was a 99p home dye from the pound shop. But she now wants me to dye it back blonde, I did tell her before That I couldn't, she would look like Ronald McDonald.

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:48

Sorry cross posts with trillian and oxo.

Oxocube we have had the tattoo conversation!!! She asked whether she could have a tattoo, I said no as the law was 18, she could have one when she turned 18, she said would I allow it when 18, I said I couldn't stop her then. But my personal preference on the subject would be that she had it done somewhere that was easily coverable, and only on show when she wanted it to be on show (i.e. base of back, ankle etc). She said I was cool for that!!!

I'm tenativley trending this path through the teenage years!!!

OP posts:

sloanypony · 22/08/2010 20:49

Its a good point though MrMagoo it shouldn't matter/be an issue. We can't live life through our daughters. But if you have a gorgeous blossoming teenage daughter who doesn't even realise how pretty she is (I dont by the way mine are still preschoolers) it has to be hard not to cringe if they just go and ruin it all.

You do have to let go though as they grow up. They'll probably do worse.

(Please, please not one of those earring things where you have a bloody great big gaping hole in your earlobe!)

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:50

Ronald mcdonald is a good look ...or maybe not!!!

OP posts:

mrmagoo · 22/08/2010 20:51

Well, there you go then, colapips. Just say no, and cite your experience with her as the reason. Spend the cash on yourself intead.

Original poster

colapips · 22/08/2010 20:52

Sloanypony - fortunately they currently are chavtastic in my dd eye and therefore not suitable!!!! Wait till next week's post of how do I get my dd earlobe to regrow!

OP posts:

Rafaella · 22/08/2010 20:58

My 14 y o DD has just had highlights done as a 'model' for a junior at our local salon - lots of places offer this inc Toni & Guy, Hob etc. It cost £30 and took a couple of hours. The colourists are closely supervised and the result was great - natural looking and not too different from her colour. You don't have to have extreme cuts/colours to do this.

BrightLightBrightLight · 22/08/2010 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleOfDelphinium · 22/08/2010 21:09

I'd let her have it done, and I'm not one for girls tarting themselves up (I don't even possess any make-up). But I do remember the joy when my mum said I could have my hair highlighted when I was 13! I then dyed it pink and so on, and am now a very boring and respectable married mother of two.

sux2bme · 24/08/2010 01:23

I would let her have it done for xmas. Don't know when your DD breaks up and yes, i know we're in August but I would book an appointment now for the last day when they break up (cos you know towards xmas it will get coc full)and both of you have a mum-daughter hairdressing date. I'd even allow an eyelash tint. Hell, it's xmas.

You might be surprised at how lovely she looks.
Had mine done same age, felt a million dollars.
I am not allowing ear-piercing until 16 but hair colours can now be so subtle and gentle that i have no problem with it.

The alternative is buying the clip in hair strands but go for expensive ones else they won't last long but i really think as a xmas gift/bonding time it would be a lovely gesture.

sux2bme · 24/08/2010 01:34

that should have said choc full....!

ChippingIn · 24/08/2010 11:17

Sux2bme - but surely half the fun is showing the boys her friends! Getting it done at the start of the winter holidays doesn't seem like much fun...

Cola - I don't know what I'd do. 14 seems so young to me, but then kids are growing up soooo fast now. It just seems such a shame to want to change something that's already so pretty :( but it's only dye and will grown out. I guess I was the same at her age but with lemon juice :) My parents would have gone apeshit if I'd dyed it myself and there's not a hope in hell they'd have paid for me to have something so adult done.... times change....

I have the opposite problem - I love the natural colour of my hair (I'm allowed to say this, it's the only part of me I do like!! :) ) but sadly the grey hairs are starting to take over and I'm not going grey naturally - no way! (my hair is very dark) so I am going to have to start dying it, like it or not :( I would really love something that only took on the grey hairs and left the others alone!!

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