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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can I just tell you a story and you advise?

133 replies

percysnose · 21/08/2010 23:53

PILs staying with us. They are very passive aggressive, the father much worse. They always take one of the kids out for hours at a time alone. But we don't see much of them, so although the kids are fine with them, when we're there, the kids are not fine with them on their own. But PILs get stroppy if not allowed alone time with the kids.

On the first day, they take out dd1 (4 years old) all day long. dd1 is a bit miserable when she comes home and this morning begs me to come to the park with them and her. She begs for so long in front of them and says dh going too isn't enough so it ends up with me and dh taking dd1 to the park at about 11am just to stop her crying about it, while they wait at home with dd2 (1 year old) who's sleeping. We slip out quite quietly - MIL is in the front room while we go out, though, and definitely seems to watch us walking past her to leave, and dh says he tells MIL to look after dd2.

We get back an hour and a half later, dd2 is in her cot crying. Maybe because she heard the door when we came in. PILs are not there!

They come in at 3.30pm. They are normal and friendly and chatty and don't say anything that would lead you to think they left their baby grandchild alone in a house. I told dh not to mention it to them. Both dh and me are gobsmacked and terrified. dh says they must have known and his dad must have said oh come on they'll be back soon lets go. But when they got in they said 'did you manage to go out? it's a lovely day today'. So they didn't know! But how could they not have known? They knew dd2 was asleep when they left. Wouldn't you call upstairs to make sure we were there? Or walk round the house? Or something?

Anyway because we didn't mention it we can never mention it now. But I am now terrified of leaving them to babysit. Whether it's on purpose or a mistake, this is really important. What would you have done?

OP posts:
clam · 22/08/2010 23:10

Hmm, well, you're going to have to let it go for now. And be very careful for another time.

Try to relax and get a good night's sleep.

booyhoo · 22/08/2010 23:51

i don't believe the MIL taht she thought you were there, you say you, DH and dd all walked through the living room carrying her trike and passed MIL. you say you walked through straight into the hall and left. surely she would have heard you coming back into the house? she would have been aware that someone didn't go and was still there making teh normal movement noises, doors closing etc. i just don't believe it.

Rockbird · 23/08/2010 04:49

Have you actually asked your DH what he said to his mother? What was the exact sequence of events only finding this hard to get my head round the fact that out of four supposedly responsible adults no one thought about the whereabouts of a one year old.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/08/2010 05:09

RockBird, I'm guessing that the OP and daughter are at the front door (now out of sight, although having walked through the front room) and the husband has ducked his head back into the room and said "er, alright, we'll be back soon, you're alright here are you?" meaning "with the younger one". The parents have assumed that "we'll be back" means him and the elder daughter, not all three of them because of how casual his handover was. So they've thought "Well he didn't ask us to babysit so Percy must be staying behind like she originally planned" and said "yep, we're fine, see you later" which he's taken as agreement to babysit.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/08/2010 05:39

They don't sound like nutjobs and sounds like a genuine mistake to me.

And I don't think that in our parents generation it would be normal to leave a baby alone in the house - in the garden or outside a shop, but not alone in the house.

OP - I think you need to begin to feel a bit more secure in your instincts about what is right for your children, and less concerned about pleasing other people.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 23/08/2010 05:45

to add to what I said above - I think that evidence of you wanting to please your PILs rather than think what was best, was the fact that you left the baby to wake up with people she doesn't see very much.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh

SkiHorseWonAWean · 23/08/2010 06:10

Awful situation for your child, but my ironyometer just exploded with your calling them passive-aggressive, yet not raising the issue. Wtf? ShockHmm

DetectivePotato · 25/08/2010 19:26

I agree with exactly what booyhoo said.

I think MIL is lying. Are you telling us that they would have sneaked out without letting you know, in your own home? Hmm

She saw you all walk past, with the trike etc. She witnessed your DD begging you to go to the park. She knew your younger DC was in bed. She knew you had all gone out and is trying to cover her tracks.

You and your DH sound as if you are too passive to deal with them.

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