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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

that only a mother of solely young female children would have reacted like this?

199 replies

OrmRenewed · 21/08/2010 22:12

On holiday DD went for a hack at a stables. DH had taken the boys to the beach while she had her ride and they came back about 15 mins before she finished. I had a chat with one of the women who ran the place while I was waiting - she had a 6yr old DD. Just before DD was due to get back to the stables she went out into the yard. She came back a few seconds later, aghast, to say in a voice of horror 'there are two boys outside playing with plastic swords....!' DH said ' er yes, those'll be mine' and went out to remove them. She looked a bit uncertain and said 'Well, it's just the horses... you know...?'

AIBU to think that only a mother of girls only would have reacted like that? Anyone else would have felt the need to have finished the sentence with some further explanation, such as '..and they have poked each other's eyes out' or 'they have severed limbs' or even 'they have started a riot amongst the ponies'?

OP posts:
cardibach · 22/08/2010 18:13

Oooo forgot to say:

You didn't explain why you thought this (playing unsupervised in an area where anybody could be and where horses wee iminently expected was less dangerous than a changing room.

I know it's bad manners to cross-thread like this, but I'm intrigued about the thought process and self-justification which must be involved in holding both these opinions at the same time.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/08/2010 18:19

My goodness - what do you horses walk on?! Does no-one talk on your hacks? When our rides return there is a general noise of hooves on the lane, chatting, laughing and so on. Definitely not something that sneaks up on you quietly, and quite honestly, if 2 little boys playing would be enough to spook the horses then I'd be very surprised at any yard taking out a group of mixed ages and abilities along lanes and roads on animals with that sort of nature. Thank heavens for the stables we use - very relaxed, excellent staff and calm animals. Oh, and often a couple of children playing with parents in the vicinity.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/08/2010 18:20

Yes, it's bad manners to cross post. Lets just concentrate on this post, shall we?

cardibach · 22/08/2010 18:34

Children playing with parents in the vicinity is a bit different fromthis situation isn't it? THe parents were somewhere else, taking, and the person in charge had to ASK who the boys were with.

The stables I mostly use is very relaxed about things which it is safe to be relaxed about. Unsupervised children running about is not one of those things. Where all the horses out, I wonder? THat would be unusual in my experience. Another rider/employee could move a horse about rather more quietly than a returning hack would be. We don't know from the OP how far away from the boys the parents were or how close the boys were to the entrance for horses from the hack. It may have been relatively safe, it may not.

I'd say the evident worry of the PERSON WHO WORKED THERE, and therefore knew what was generally considered safe, would suggest that there was cause for concern.

Unless of course she was a girly mum of girls who didn't understand boyish boys and was scared of their noise and nasty, pointy swords. Unlikely in a stable owner/employee, I'd have thought.

Stables can be dangerous places. The consequences for a stable yard which allowed an accident to take place would be serious.

curryfreak · 22/08/2010 18:38

Op, you're observation about mothers of girls only, having no direct experience of boys is pointless and rather silly.
I could say the same to you perhaps about, you have no direct experience of having say twins, or children who are 11 months apart, or a mixture of birth and adopted children.
The dynamic of our families are all very different.
You also appear, like a lot of mothers of boys oversensitive when others comment on behaviour that they find unacceptable.
Maybe they're just misbehaving, whatever their gender, and need to be told so.
No special dispensation because "well they're boys arent they"(hmm)

Rollmops · 22/08/2010 18:39

Maisie...., how much do you know about horses apart from doing some hacks? Hmm

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 22/08/2010 18:40

It's a horse thing. Generally you don't waive things that look like whips and crops about. Just good practice in a stables - I'm sure it wasn't because it was 2 boys, 2 girls could've provoked the same reaction.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/08/2010 18:42

The OP and her DH were inside the stable area and the boys were playing outside in an area where there were picnic tables - hardly not in the vicinity.

Yes, the OP has already said that all the horses were out - there were none in the yard or stable.

melikalikimaka · 22/08/2010 18:45

In my family, boys are just like the poem, as in girls are sugar and spice and all things nice, have same reaction for years about my beloved DSs. To hell with them I say!

cardibach · 22/08/2010 18:46

So can you or the OP ecplain the 'voice of horror' used by the yard manager then? Why was she so worried, do you think?

Because she was a girly mother of girls?

Or because in her view there was something to worry about?

I don;'t think I have ever met someone working in a stables who is hyper sensitive to risk - if they were they wouldn't work around horses.

melikalikimaka · 22/08/2010 18:54

She obviously knew she had overeacted about your boys, I have had this too. If it was two girls playing skipping,[still waving things about]she probably would have had a totally different attitude. YANBU!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/08/2010 19:06

The OP has already explained the voice of horror - Melika has also hit the nail on the head. If the stables provide a picnic area, then you would have thought that they would be expecting some gathering of people there, and some level of noise. If not then they are probably in the wrong profession - esp. if they get as concerned as they seemed do when the horses weren't even there! Either that or they have the wrong type of horse in the yard.

juuule · 22/08/2010 19:12

Is it possible that the yard owner wasn't aware that the 2 boys were with you? Perhaps it was an eye-rolling moment because she didn't know who they were with and thought she would have to deal with finding who they were with and what they were doing ther. In which case perhaps it was a bit of conspiritorial cameraderie she was attempting. But then she became a bit embarrassed when she realised they were with you.
Nothing to do with there gender.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 22/08/2010 19:29

Now - isn't there always someone who comes on here with a perfectly reasonable, logical, rational suggestion?? Grin

Humpf. No. I refuse to believe it. She was a boy hater I tell you. That's got to be the reason Wink

juuule · 22/08/2010 19:32
Grin
Original poster
OrmRenewed · 22/08/2010 21:12

chibi - I have a girl. I'll just go and check to see how damaged she is by my parenting. Nope... she seems fine to me.

BTW I know the stable woman had a girl as we'd been discussing it.

ANd may I say again that they weren't in the yard.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrmRenewed · 22/08/2010 21:12

Ha! Could be juules - could be Grin

OP posts:
curryfreak · 23/08/2010 00:22

Isin't the world so schewed against boys/men. Do you know i go to sleep every night contemplating the injustice of it.
I feel so guilty as a female. Must tell my dd's to ponder it.

Aitch · 23/08/2010 09:50

just tell them to concentrate on passing their exams and then maybe, just maybe, one day we'll start to bridge that pay gap... Wink

then we can tackle the fact that women do most of the shitwork in the home, most of the childcare, admin etc... those poor, poor boys...

curryfreak · 23/08/2010 13:50

Op. Just been looking at the thread about boys in girls changing rooms.
You've certainly got a downer on girls havent you?
Your poor precios boys. Feel sorry for your DD.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 23/08/2010 20:16

Don't feel sorry for the OP's DD - she's absolutely fine, with a wonderful mother. Please don't try and insinuate otherwise - you risk sounding foolish.

LiquoriceLila · 23/08/2010 20:57

I only have boys but come from a family full of girls and I can say for sure my sons are nowhere near as wild and boisterous as me and my sisters were when we were kids

maddy68 · 23/08/2010 21:11

YABU

I have had horses all my life and now run a riding school. No matter how bombproof a pony is something which they are unfamiliar with (such as wielding swords) would potentially spook them and could cause an accident. Horses are weighty creatures with a mind of their own

BenandNiamhsMum · 23/08/2010 21:14

Unless it was the swords- Maybe she was a pacifist who would be aghast with any children playing with weapons, toys or not. I know when I was small all my mum's friends made comments about her letting us play with toy guns.

pigletmania · 23/08/2010 21:26

YABVVVVVU, I have a dd 3.6 and would never in the month of Sundays think in this way. She who used to have a catapalt that her dad made for her, fire wooden arrows, made from bow that my dad made me, who used to watch He Man, climb trees etc IWSWIM Smile. Don't tarr us all with the same brush. My dd is as tomboy as it gets, picking up dead bees, playing with millipeads and eating them, jumping in muddy puddles like Peppa