that only a mother of solely young female children would have reacted like this?

[OrmRenewed]

On holiday DD went for a hack at a stables. DH had taken the boys to the beach while she had her ride and they came back about 15 mins before she finished. I had a chat with one of the women who ran the place while I was waiting - she had a 6yr old DD. Just before DD was due to get back to the stables she went out into the yard. She came back a few seconds later, aghast, to say in a voice of horror 'there are two boys outside playing with plastic swords....!' DH said ' er yes, those'll be mine' and went out to remove them. She looked a bit uncertain and said 'Well, it's just the horses... you know...?'

AIBU to think that only a mother of girls only would have reacted like that? Anyone else would have felt the need to have finished the sentence with some further explanation, such as '..and they have poked each other's eyes out' or 'they have severed limbs' or even 'they have started a riot amongst the ponies'?

The assumption was that my children would hate dressing up as princesses. My children actually quite like dressing up as princesses, and would in no way have spoiled the birthday girl's party. The birthday girl in question is very rough and tumble when she is with her father instead of her mother, and all the children normall get on well. Nothing to do with "Only like minded" and everything to do with "nobody with a penis"

Sunny, I must point out that just because children behave in a certain way in a nursery doesn't mean that this is the way they behave everywhere else. Circumstantial behavior is circumstantial behavior and if a child behaves differently for the 3 hours it spends at nursery, then it is THIS behavior that is circumstantial, not the behavior at home

"my neice and her best friends ended up sitting silently on the sofa while the boys fought over/ monopolised the playstation".

The boys played on it. They behaved badly. They should have been corrected. They didn't behave badly because 'they are boys' they behaved badly because they were allowed to - someone should have switched the playstation off!

Why were the girls sitting silently watching? Why did they not all go away and do somthing interesting? Why was this allowed to happen?

Because the adults in charge had the attitude that "Boys will be boys", so it was deemed better to let them behave selfishly and let the girls lose out.

there was no need at all for that scenario. You can accept male and female oriented behavior without acceptinbg selfishness or promoting passivity.

" Children pick up on their parents opinions as well. We have 2 year olds who say things like my mummy doesnt like me doing that."

Was this meant to be viewed as positive or negative? I would be happy if my child said that.'

My mum doesnt like me painting cause she said this dress cost a lot of pennies.

My mum doesnt like me getting dirty so I dont want to go on the grass.

My mum doesnt like me playing with dolls because she says that they are for girls.

My mummy says if I cant wear a dress as they are girls clothes.

My mummy doesnt like me going outside because I might get a cold (even when they are wearing coats, wellies and hats and it isnt raining!!) I have heard parents of both genders say this.

I have heard all of this from children as young as 2.

Colditz - A lot of children are in nursery for up to 50 hours a week not 3 hours a day! but even though they spend the majority of time at nursery they still come out with statements like this because the pick up on how their parents want them to behave.

'The birthday girl in question is very rough and tumble when she is with her father instead of her mother, and all the children normall get on well'

Exactly rough and tumble with her dad and not her mum as she has picke up that her mum doesnt like rough and tumble. Thats why they act different.

heheh i'm the mother of two girls, two years apart and i AM a better parent than all of you.

Colditz a minute ago you said that the gender divide is innate and that despite your efforts, you have raised 'boys' not children. Now you're saying that in fact it's an insult to suggest that your boys might not enjoy dressing as princesses.

Which is it.

As for why didn't somebody switch off the playstation, my sister was attending to the food in another room and I don't have the authority. It didn't ruin the party, and in fairness the boys were also bigger/older then birthday girl. I suppose having attended quite a few of these parties (as a non parent!) I don't understand why the birthday child has to have other kids there who are not of the right age/ interest group to let the BC get centre stage etc.

Seems to me it's all about avoidance of offending parents (sister's best friend is mother of 3 older boys) and not about the wants of the BC. And no wonder, if the parents of the 'wrong gender' kids take offence and see it as genderism.

Now that neice is older her parties are much smaller, and she usually chooses a few girls from her class to come.

"Colditz a minute ago you said that the gender divide is innate and that despite your efforts, you have raised 'boys' not children. Now you're saying that in fact it's an insult to suggest that your boys might not enjoy dressing as princesses.

Which is it."

I didn't say it was an insult to suggest my boys wouldn't have enjoyed dressing as princesses. It's insulting to suggest I would have allowed them to ruin a party because they didn't want to dress as princesses. I doubt every single little girl at the party relished dresing as a princess.

I wouldn't have dressed as a princess at any age, but because I don't have a penis, I would still have been invited to this party.

My DD would've been sword fighting with your DS's OP. Don't assume things based on gender, you'll only embarass yourself.

I'm sure it goes both ways coldtitz - for every boy not getting an invite to a princess party there'll be a girl not getting invited to go-karting or whatever.

Why can't people just invite who they like without it causing offence? Nobody has a right to be at a party - the party giver has to want them to be there.

God, i feel sorry for mothers of boys. all those dreary sword fights...
oh, and yabu. they shouldn't have been behaving like that around horses.
From my limited experience of horses, i know that they are very easily spooked.

I think parents that bring up their children as if boys and girls are completely different species are what contributes to children when they are older not being able to have successful relationships with the opposite sex as they have so many misconceptions about them due to their upbringing.

It also contributes to low self esteem and confidence in the child. eg. I cant do that its for girls, or for boys etc. You also get one gender of children saying it to the other. I have heard a girl child say to a boy give me that iron you dont know how to do it, its what mummies do! I think its very sad.

Colditz - "It's insulting to suggest I would have allowed them to ruin a party because they didn't want to dress as princesses."

or

"My children actually quite like dressing up as princesses, and would in no way have spoiled the birthday girl's party. "

Think you are tying yourself in knots here

tryingtoleave "was horrified that she had a two year old boy over, put out crayons and paper for the children to draw, and then the boy knocked the crayons over and didn't want to draw. That is a SMOG."

In the above scenario what would the mother be called if she was the mother of a boy not a girl?

The only gender stereotyping on this thread has come from mothers of only boys

They are children
Bad behaviour is bad behaviour, gender is not an excuse
Sword fighting is not bad behaviour, obviously, it is simply boisterous role play which can be attributed to either sex

I tire of this sort of stereotyping.

I do not believe that the woman only responded like because she doesn't have sons. I find it a strange assumption.

Horses can be dangerous animals and it would be that women's responsibility to make sure no one is injured and that the horses aren't made anxious.

agree, pointy, it's just ludicrous that the OP thinks that the woman should have been saying 'children' rather than 'boys' in case she bumped into the chip on the OP's shoulder.

ah ok. No horses about.

I'm trying to catch up with this thread, aitch, but I'm struggling

Excellent.

Only 42 posts in before the 'upper middle class' was being blamed.

I don't think gender stereotyping is a class issue, really.

Just reserved for the more precious parents.

Also, mums always make such a big fuss of how boys are different. Dads don't.

You really seem to have a bee in your bonnet about parents of only girl children.

YABU.

I have 2 dds. 5yrs apart & I am anything but a SMOG. My girls like nothing better than to fight with sticks in the garden etc!

The thread seems to have taken a turn into bashing mothers of girls & gone completely off track.

She said '2 boys playing with swords' because that is exactly what she saw.

But no, she is obv a SMOG (wtf???) because she dared to say 'boys'!

'Excellent.

Only 42 posts in before the 'upper middle class' was being blamed.

I don't think gender stereotyping is a class issue, really.

Just reserved for the more precious parents.'

I was the one that said it. It is true it is sually the professional parents as they are more likely to be able to afford expensive clothes. You do see it in a few working class parents who send their children in full adidas tracksuits at 18 months. Obviously children are going to pick up that their parents are concerned about their clothes and then it restricts what the child wants to do.

Also gender stereotyping imo is more of a class issue when it comes to girls (eg its not ladylike, thats not how little girls should behave etc).

However I think that working class parents are more often the not the ones worried that if their boy plays with girls toys then they are 'being a fanny,are cissies or are acting gay.' (I have heard all 3 statements of parents in the past).

Obviously it isnt always like that but in the various settings I have worked in it usually follows that pattern.

Hello.
I see this has moved on.

To reiterate (and expand on my OP as I assumed it was bleeding obvious that as an intelligent adult I wouldn't be allowing the 'boys' to re-enact Robin Hood under the horses' noses) they were playing in an area away from the stable yard, set aside for visitors with picnic tables.

And I agree with ragged - that fact that she said 'boys' in a tone that suggested she was talking about rottweilers with an attitude problem.

DD can be as rough and noisy as the boys. And my boys can be quiet and contemplative too. But their default setting is loud and active. Hers isn't. And it is something that has developed as time has gone by. They aren't being 'bad' and she isn't being 'good'. I don't think being boisterous is naughty behaviour - something I tried in vain to explain to a friend of mine who had 2 little girls and would tell me stories of her friend's 'badly-behaved' toddler boy - in vain until she had her own boy that is! As for toys - they tend to quite like the same things - for the record DD had one of hte foam and plastic swords too - and all three of them had been 'fighting' with them on the beach earlier.