to turn down a full-time job and let my DH support me?

[SassySusan]

DH works full-time and I work part-time (2 1/2 days a week). We are comfortable financially, and don't get any state benefits.

My boss has offered to make my job full-time. There is no practical reason I couldn't do the hours. DH says it's up to me whether I want to do the f/t hours or not.

So am I being unreasonable to sit on my fanny for half the week, spending DH's hard earned, considering he doesn't seem to mind?

we work ft and we have cleaner.means weekend evenings not spent doing it.more time with kids

My DH thinks that too. Unfortunately he works long hours and is often away, hence exhausted at weekends.

< eyes scruffy house >

Sorry, as you were.

Keep to the PT hours if that's what you prefer - as has been said, it means the weekend is for 'weekendy' things.

As for the cleaner - I had one when the children were growing up (I had 4 with a husband who worked away for months at a time) and if I could afford one these days I'd still have one. Having said that, I'm at home all the time these days, but ill health over the last couple of years has meant I've found it pretty hard to keep up with the housework around here.

so simple and easy i pay someone else to do it

painting a wall or baking bread is simple too

if you find cleaning easy then you are not doing it properly

point of working is to have money to pay someone else to do the stuff i cant be arsed doing

Fair enough Beer

But cleaning is not simple and easy to me. It is a huge job and difficult and overwhelmingly time consuming.And I am very bad at it ( good at sewing and ironing but bad at cleaning). And it is a massive job unless I buy a much much smaller house, which I don't want to do. Ditto the gardens. Ditto the decorating.

So perhaps the point where we differ is that your circumstances and abilities would make these things easy. But for others, in different citcumstances they would not be easy, or desireable, or necessary. So why do them?

I think it's up to both of you, and if you're both truly happy with it then stick with it. (there seems to be some history here I don't know about!) However, if you're going to feel guilty maybe you could up your hours a bit-go from 2.5 days to 3.5 or something like that, obviously if work is willing! That way you will still be part time but bringing in some extra money too?

Out of interest what do you do with your days off if you have a cleaner?

SassySusan - YANBU - I wouldn't say your DH is "supporting you" - you are both working and sharing the household income.

food purchased - who is buying it

should say

food purchased - who is growing it

I would say, if you're happy working p-t and DH is happy for you to do so then just carry on unless you need to change the situation.
However, I would say this as I don't work at all and we don't have any DCs yet -I am 33wks pg with our first. I stopped work about 2yrs after we married and DH was very happy for me to do so. He likes the idea of having a wife at home doing "wifey" things, though is not a chauvanist, he does help occasionally but hates household chores and always asks me to get a cleaner so neither of us have to do it but I have refused til now - am considering for last few weeks of pg and first couple of months when DS is born so the house is reasonable, I am anal about tidying and cleaning and don't think I will be able to keep it properly at this stage. I do feel guilty for not working sometimes but the last 2 houses we have lived in needed lots of work - I didn't do it myself (sorry, I am not good enough at DIY!) but it was required someone was there to project manage and let builders in and out etc. DH would rather I do it than pay someone else.
Anyway, I digress. I think as I am lucky to be in a similar suituation you should do what suits you both and really it's non of anyone elses business. People will always judge though so you will probably have to take some harsh comments. I try and just ignore it these days.

i would say that if one partner is working p/t then that should make BOTH partners lives easier.

obviously if you watch tv all day on your days off then make your DH do 50% of all the hoovering and dinner prep and dishes all evening then that's not fair.

but if you do a few bits on your days off so that you can both enjoy your evenings and weekends together then that's a fair distribution of 'work' i'd say.

Thanks for all the comments everyone.

On housework splitting - I have to admit DH is one of the better trained men I've met - and will go off and do a supermarket shop without hundreds of instructions, or load the dishwasher without being asked. The cleaners do the cleaning... nice cheerful students - they need the cash - wouldn't like to deprive them of a job.

I do most of the "fannying around" tasks to support the household - like booking holidays or planting patio pots - and most of the cooking.

Someone asked if I accepted that working p/t will probably damage your career? ( not fair but usually true)
I haven't worked f/t for 5 years - and it has - it's more a question of whether I could go back and build it up again (sigh)

Not sure what I would actually do with the free days... It wouldn't make sense to spend them cleaning, as I don't like cleaning much, and can earn much more money working than I pay the cleaner.

I suppose I might spend them reading, lunching with friends, flower arranging, planting the garden
Possibly do some voluntary work if I could find something that interests me?

Sassy

As your DH is happy either way, then all you need to consider (especially right now) is what would make you happier (not happy, just happier).

If you like being at home and as the others have said, doing the bits & pieces that make the time you do have with DH less stressed and less full of 'jobs to do' then do that, if you would like the challenge that this new job would offer -then do that.

Anyone that judges either way - fuck sod them!

Cleaner - there's not a single thing wrong with it, if you can afford it, regardless of whether you work full time or not!! It's no different than buying a takeaway or going out to a restaurant and it's directly benefitting someone else (the cleaner) - so what's not to like about it!?!

YANBU - cleaner or no cleaner.

Think of it in these terms - you don't need to work more hours and are happy with your current lifestyle. Somebody out there will need the money and relish the chance of work. Let your employer find somebody who will be truly grateful for work/money and consider it your contribution to reducing the unemployment statistics.

Best wishes.

Thanks - that seems pretty conclusive..

I have to admit, I still do feel a tad guilty about it though... as though it is some how rather inequitable...

I also sort of wonder if a man posted that he wanted to work part-time so that he could fiddle with his vintage car and meet friends for a pint and a game of pool, while his wife worked full-time, whether everyone would be so supportive of his stance

Ok.. will go and write 500 times, "I must not have catholic guilt".

You are right if a man posted this he'd have been flamed.
Are you planning to have children? There is a danger that you'll end up doing everything. As the norm has been set. He works, you look after the house.

Cleaners/gardeners/etc. It doesn't matter if it is easy or hard or requires specialist equipment.

If you can afford it, you say 'would I rather do this myself and keep the money, or have someone else do it and give them the money?'. That is it. There is no rule on who should do it, or what tasks you should do yourself vs getting someone to do it for you.

Coming late to this, but I agree with everyone else. Personally I wouldn't work f/t if I didn't have to, even though I enjoy my job.

Only caveat is keep your eyes open and look ahead a bit - is your job safe if you stay p/t? If your boss is offering you f/t, is that a sign of something? e.g. is it company policy to try and reorganise people into f/t roles for some strategic reason?

I'm not meaning to make you paranoid btw - I am just naturally suspicious

If my DH wanted to work p/t I'd support him. (He currently doesn't work at all). I don't think a man would necessarily be flamed for wanting this.

No, I think they are just trying to be helpful to be honest. I was working p/t before because I had a young child. Sadly, she died a few months ago, so my circumstances have changed a lot. DH and I are quite old, so I'm not sure whether we could have another DC.

Prior to having DD, I worked full-time plus hours in a pretty high stress job. Since then I've been juggling family/work.

The position I find myself in now - no DC, part-time work is sort of unprecedented - all this time to myself..

I think my natural reaction was to think - Oh God - people will think I am so lazy... and how unfair it would be on DH - and how everyone would think, what a lazy mare I was, and taking advantage of poor hard working DH. But it seems that isn't what people will think after all!