to wish DH had bought me a better present

[whoneedssleepanyway]

DH got back yesterday from a 4 day stag do in New York (let's not talk about that, it would be a whole other thread....) while I had the DDs on my own for 4 nights and had to juggle work etc round this, cope with poorly teething baby, broken fridge etc.

I was expecting him to get me a present, he did but it was a bottle of perfume that I haven't worn for years and was actually a refill bottle so doesn't even have the sprayer thing on it if you know what i mean.

I know I am probably being a bit unreasonable and ungrateful but would it have been too much to ask that he went and got me something nice from NY, it is not like there is any shortage of shopping opportunities, rather than making some rushed purchase from the duty free at the airport becuase he clearly thought, sh!t ought to get the wife something.

But her husband DID buy her a present. She just didn't like the present.
Husband and I just buy each other token things if away without the other, usually worth far less than a bottle of perfume.
I'm surprised so many women wouldn't leave their kids with their partner.
We can't complain about men having sexist attitudes about women and childcare if some women have those attitudes themselves and regard women as the only people capable of looking after kids for a few days, and see looking after your own kids without a partner for 4 days as a heroic achievement.

Why are some people freaking out about a stag do in NYC? As if it's a big deal?

I tell you what to freak out about, a stag do in Amsterdam, anywhere in Eastern Europe, Las Vegas or Thailand. Go there and you might bring back wifey a surprise present you did not even think you were bringing! Such as herpes, warts, hep A.

NYC is a very clean place with no legal prostitution, the mildest of mild titty-bars, no gambling and really, nothing for a bunch of blokes to get up to except go to bars, restaurants and clubs, watch sports, and attend concerts, museums and galleries.

As for the present... When my missus goes away on conferences all I want is a fridge magnet.

SpringHeeledJack
My children are older now, so don't ned a parent to stay home with them. without any But when they were younger I would definatly have left them with DH and might have got a token present for DH. But he would not have expected pone.

sorry. That should be a nice thoughtful and carefully chosen present

not something scooped up on the hoof at JFK

...sorry OP. It sounds like I am picking on your dp. I bet he's lovely really

oh don't get me wrong- I leave the dcs with dp- as does he with me. But when they were littler we'd only have done it for a night or two- not more.

sorry that's completely irrelevant. Just to say we have twins and if either of us had swanned off before they hit 2 years the other would have spontaneously combusted due to a combination of rage and frustration

back to my original q- I'll clarify:

would any of the YABUs on here consider going to a hen do (nb not a work conference or a visit to an ailing relative) for four days leaving their dp with the baby/dcs

and if they did- would they get him a nice present?

I'm waiting...

[folds arms]

SpringHeeledJack - I totally agree with you re the 2 questions....my DH is lovely most of the time........

1. of course I would go leaving the children with their father. he's their father and more than capable of looking after them
2. Not necessarily. I would, however, expect to have to reciprocate when he went away.

It was 4 nights with the children, not organising world peace.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

But then agree with 2rebecca that I can't imagine him finding the time or inclination to go girlie shopping when on a stag do so it may have been hard for him to fit it in.

SpringHeeledJack. Ok I haven't been to NY for 4 days on a hen night but I have been to Holland for a week, Spain for a week 2 (my friend has property there)on hen parties and Scotland skiing and mountain biking for 2 weeks leaving DC with DH.

No I did not buy anyone a present. I buy things spontanously rather than beingexpected to (which no one does)

Dh goes round the world on his Grand Prix weekend/weeks several times a year and has done since the kids where born. I don't want or expect a present and I don't expect a fuss or a load of appreciation for looking after my own children while he has time away because it is what we do as parents - look after our kids.

We both clear it with the other one if we want to go away so it is not clashing with any of the others stuff where the other parent needs to be present or any school meetings. Apart from that there is no problem

I don't get why people are getting het up about going to NY.

Anyway the OP did get a present.

Well no, you're not being unreasonable if you don't like the present that he got you.

But you are being unreasonable if you didn't tell him in advance what you would like him to bring you back, if you were that bothered about a present.

Last time DH went to Manhattan, I sent him a lovely email with the link to the necklace I wanted to be presented with on his return.

The decision about how to have it giftwrapped was entirely up to him.

right upahill and soupdragon- so that's two people who would.

on a nice adult reciprocal basis- completely fair. Good. That is As It Should Be

BUT my question was to all the people who said the OP was being unreasonable. I suspect that a good few of those think that looking after hearth and home and wiping arses while dp goes off on the lash is part and parcel of one's Wifely Duty.

Unfortunately I haven't had enough replies yet to form a proper judgement

Spring Heeled: Well anothther way of looking at it is a 100% of people that responded to your totally non scientific survey think that it is perfectly ok to leave the kids with DH while go swanning off without a thought of geting anyone a present!!

I wouldn't expect my DH to go shopping to but me a present shile on a stag weekend. But we are not really into presents for the sake of it and like to save our money for things we really need or want.

Bu my DH did go on a stag weekend to Amsterdam a few years ago and came back with a really lovely soft toy for our DC, which i thought was really sweet and unusual to do on a stag weekend!

And they all went to Ann Franks House while they were there!!

sod the present.

It is YOUR turn now to go off on a little holiday, and whilst you are there, buy yourself something!

100 percent of MN agree, as said above.

I agree about the OP having time out for a holiday but I think it spoils things if it is done tit for tat rather than waiting for something good coming up that she would want to do.

I never say oh you've gone to the German Grand Prix now It's my turn to go away.

Relax and everyone can be happy.

Upahill, you sound like you have a wonderful family with a great attitude to life. I wish you lived in my street!

I went to NY for 10 days in June for a family wedding and left DH with our 3 yo. Never crossed my mind this was a big deal! I did buy him an I love NY hat and a hershey bar though :-)