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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish DH had bought me a better present

144 replies

whoneedssleepanyway · 17/08/2010 14:48

DH got back yesterday from a 4 day stag do in New York (let's not talk about that, it would be a whole other thread....) while I had the DDs on my own for 4 nights and had to juggle work etc round this, cope with poorly teething baby, broken fridge etc.

I was expecting him to get me a present, he did but it was a bottle of perfume that I haven't worn for years and was actually a refill bottle so doesn't even have the sprayer thing on it if you know what i mean.

I know I am probably being a bit unreasonable and ungrateful but would it have been too much to ask that he went and got me something nice from NY, it is not like there is any shortage of shopping opportunities, rather than making some rushed purchase from the duty free at the airport becuase he clearly thought, sh!t ought to get the wife something.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 17/08/2010 17:33

DH and SIL very different kettle of fish imo.

If your SIL gives you crap gifts every year for five decades you grin and bear it.

Your DH is your DH though, and putting on a polite face shouldn't be an issue. He should buy you a decent gift.

My mum does the scaring people into buying good stuff too - if she doesn't like a present, she looks at it in total bewilderment and says 'oh, er right. Well, um, thank you?' whilst showing it to others in a 'wtf is this' kind of way.

I'd love to see her face if anybody did that with a gift she'd bought but it's different rules innit :)

Heracles · 17/08/2010 17:36

"it is not like there is any shortage of shopping opportunities"

On a stag do? Nobody goes shopping on a stag do unless it's before a gay wedding.

diddl · 17/08/2010 17:37

Morris-if my Mum or actually anyone did that-I wouldn´t buy for them anymore.

Win win!

Fimbo · 17/08/2010 17:40

My dh hates shopping with a passion albeit at home or away. Some place like New York would make him run for the hills as there would be far too many shops to choose from. I would be happy with the perfume tbh.

clam · 17/08/2010 17:44

I bought DH a very nice (reasonably priced) shirt back when I recently went to the US on a girls' trip.

He says it's the most expensive shirt he's ever owned! I guess you could say the same for the perfume.

agedknees · 17/08/2010 18:37

Empty the perfume in his sock drawer!!

LibertyGibbet · 17/08/2010 18:47

I've still got no opinion other than meh but I'm trying to involve myself...

I am imagining your dh on a stag do. He's missing you and the children. He's having a good time though and enjoying the child free time with his friends.

As the time draws on he occasionally mentions wanting to buy a present. People mock a bit, especially the single ones. There's beer to be had right? So he pushes the worries to the back of his mind, feels a bit homesick when he hears about the teething baby and is looking forward to seeing his wife again. On the last day, he insists on going into a shop. They laugh at him again but he goes in to the nearest one, determined to get something. Well, it's NY. The shops are big. And busy. He can't see properly past the tourists with inflatable hotdogs and I heart NY t-shirts. He's worried that he's holding up the stag who wants a couple more beers at the airport before they fly. And they he sees it...

A perfume that he knows he's seen in his wife's drawer. He sniffs it. It reminds him of her. He pictures her on the day the poorly, teething baby was born and his heart swells. Trapped in a frenzied swell of tourism and consumerism, that one smell is so redolent of his darling wife and he buys it, pleased with himself as he hurries to the exit and his flight home.

And, this, this is how you repay that tender moment?

Like I said, I don't have an opinion. The above is bollocks. But it could have been like that you know?

tethersend · 17/08/2010 18:51

I don't understand why he can't buy you another present; a holiday perhaps?

I hear New York is lovely at this time of year.

Morloth · 17/08/2010 18:56

DH buys shit presents, he can't help it, he is just crap.

So now I tell him what I want, I check out online, I tell him which shop to go to and he gets it.

This makes both of us totally happy.

DH was in NY a couple of weeks ago and bought be a very expensive bottle of tequila.

pagwatch · 17/08/2010 19:01

Liberty
I am enjoying your Mills and Boon level of disinterest Grin.
But you stopped too early. Shouldn't someone have a heaving breast or a swollen love tool by now by now

Jenbot · 17/08/2010 19:10

Haha DH just got back from a 3 day stag do in Amsterdam followed immediately by a weeks biking holiday.
He brought me a present: some leeks, some purple sprouting broccoli, and a cabbage!

upahill · 17/08/2010 19:13

I think YABU to expect a present tbh.

DH goes away quite a bit and might bring memrobilia (SP) for the boys if he has been to a Grand Prix meeting or something like that but I don't expect or want a present. Same when I go abroad with my mates I don't bring presents back.

I do, it has to be said, get great Christmas and Birthday presents and when we are out any where if I see anything I paticulaly like he buys it, he's not tight. But a few days in NY, nah OP why would he?

LibertyGibbet · 17/08/2010 19:16

Pagwatch, are you cheapening my little description with the suggestion it should be some sordid little narrative?

And on a stag night I think the only heaving was rancid beer into gutters.

I'll consider amending my story and reposting on Friday Night.

pagwatch · 17/08/2010 19:17

I am sorry. What was I thinking.

Grin
sorrento56 · 17/08/2010 19:21

He probably didn't think that you had to cope with the kids and work while he was having fun.

thebody · 17/08/2010 19:23

love.. be grateful.. when I had ds 1 hubbi brought me a soft cushion to sit on to help with the stitches.. practical but unconventional..

actually its really nice, he never ever buys me presents for bday or christmas and I dont for him.. we wait and go together to get something we really want for both of us to enjoy.....

I never really trust the types who gift wrap a car or shop endlessly for the perfect gift.. usually means they have a guilty conscience and have a bit on the side or alternativly are a bit we and under the thumb...

if your man had been unfaithful on the stag do, you would have got a lot better present.. think on...

yousaidit · 17/08/2010 19:25

yanbu... I posted on here recently as i didn't go with my best friends on a long weekend to Barcelona, I was the only one not going out of a group of friends from primary school. It was cost that really stopped me from going (we could have managed it but, there are a list of other stuff we need...) and dh made it obvious he wasn't wanting me to splash teh cash and go.. afterwards he blew his £1k bonus on... a camera for himself!!!!!

So,yanbu... I have seen some 'Hmm' faces on here about your comments of looking after dcs for four days buy yourself, fridge broken, going to work, but so what? I appreciate some people's personal lives mean this is a daily schedule for them but, when you are with a dp / dh the point is it's a partnership and you are sharing the tedium and hard work that can often be bringing up children, so your dh having the luxury of 4 days, in a super fab location, with absolutely no responsibilities and indulging in full on fun grown up stuff should be acknowledged, especially when you haven't got a like for like break coming up for you to enjoy. If he can't be arsed to break away from the lads for, what, a couple of hours f that? to sneak into one or two shops and bring back, a token of thanks for staying at home while i got a blast f a break, then he is unreasonable, and as other posters have pointed outm, they;'ll have been floucing round the shops for themselves anyway!

some posters seem to think the comments that you wanted a (better) present are a bit off, but for the cost and self indulgence of the trip, it would have beenShock at him not buying you something!

Jenbot · 17/08/2010 19:25

OP, if he hasn't already offered, you should tell your DH you'd like a nice day out this weekend and he can watch the DCs.
Go have a rest, or some fun, whichever you need most.

pagwatch · 17/08/2010 19:28

thebody

My Dh got me a rubber ring and thought it was hilarious to get a yellow one with a ducky head.

My Dh goes away a lot. Every now and again I book myself into a spa for a couple of nights. Funnily enough it nearly always co-incides with the england rugby team staying there.
that is a quid pro quo and a half

[ageing perv]

yousaidit · 17/08/2010 19:31

pagwatch, i salute you Grin

thisisyesterday · 17/08/2010 19:34

i really don't get the whole "you deserve a great present because you were at home" thing

his friend invited him. HE didn't choose the venue. presumably it was discussed whether they could afford it etc etc and that was not an issue.
it wouldn't have been very nice to not go to a friend's stag do, just because it was in NYC, if you can afford it

OP was at home by herself. looking after her own children. what's the issue?/?

if the husband had been in bournemouth for the weekend would you all think the same? that she ought to have got a present because she was "abandoned" with her own children in her own house with one less person to cook for for 4 days?
didn't think so

and if it were the other way round.... if the OP had been on a hen weekend to NYC, (which i really don't think would have got the same response- more along the olines of "ooh you lucky thing") then would she have been expected to bring a grand present to her husband for being so valiant at looking after the kids?
i don't think so

pagwatch · 17/08/2010 19:34
Grin

I am making the most of it. The restraining order cannot be long away .....

thebody · 17/08/2010 19:35

lol pagwatch.. he actually thought he was doing the right thing, which I suppose he was in a way but bloody embaressing on the ward.. glad not the only one though..

totally agree with you, poster should bide time and book up a self indulgent treat or girls nite out to suit.

which hotel?? England rugby team!!! u lucky mare...

pagwatch · 17/08/2010 19:37

Not telling. They are all mine....

I have a crush on Danny Care and nearly swooned when I saw Josh Lewsey in the swimming pool. It is soooo great.

[really sad]
and [old enough to be their mum]

atswimtwolengths · 17/08/2010 19:48

I think you are very reasonable to be angry! (Can't do all those acronyms!) He was off on a little holiday and you were looking after the home and hearth - he should have shown his appreciation by buying a nicer present. For god's sake, how many shops are there in New York! He could've stopped the first sales woman, explained the situation and his budget and within half an hour he'd be sorted.

However... yes, he was obviously faithful, otherwise his appreciation would've come in a Tiffany box.

But the main thing for me is this - what kind of example is he setting the groom-to-be? Now yet another man will think he can swan off for a drink fest and return with a top up of Coty's L'aimant!