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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mums should help each other?

127 replies

celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:02

My friend just txt me to tell me that she and her 4month old baby were turned away from the bus and left standing in the rain as there was already 2 ladies & babies on the bus...
fair enough but those 2ladies had buggy's with children of a walking, sitting age.. neither of these mothers attepted to collapse their buggies to make room?

the wanker driver just closed the doors on my friend and drove off when she tried to ask if either mother could collapse their buggy.

is it unreasnoble of me to think that as mothers we should support each other? i find it outrageous that neither of the other mothers even offered? is this not just common courtsy, like offering your seat to an old person??

if you happen to be either of those other mums who was on that bus today, i hope you sleep well tonight. sleep well knowing that you left a new mum with her 4month old baby girl, crying with frustration in the rain. for 30mins till the next bus...Angry

rant over....

OP posts:
mumoffraser · 11/08/2010 12:05

You would hope so but yesterday it was raining hard & I saw a mum parking up in the parent & child spaces & then leaving gran in the car whilst she went in the shop. Next to that same thing again only this time mum stayed in car & friend went in shop!

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 11/08/2010 12:05

I agree, motherhood is the hardest job and often the lonelyist (excuse the spelling), where's the solidarity? Ds is 11, I have no problems opening doors for mothers with prams/picking up toys that have escaped from the grasps of enthusiastic babies etc, I encourage him to do the same. It's called consideration, many people lack this skill.

ZinglebertBembledank · 11/08/2010 12:08

People should help people.

TrillianAstra · 11/08/2010 12:08

No particular reason why mums should help each other more than people should help each other.

These people (including the driver) could have been more considerate and helped your friend.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 11/08/2010 12:11

I don't think the UK as a whole has helpful people in it, everyone expects something and few offer in return. Goodness, the amount of times my son has been walked into/opened doors and been snubbed. He doesn't expect a 'thankyou', what does this say about adults when he goes out of his way to do something and he's walked into/ignored though?

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 11/08/2010 12:17

It's blardy difficult to hold a baby, hold the shopping and close/carry a buggy Riven. I see your point though. I'd have hailed a taxi myself if there wasn't a bus (explains why I have no cash).

BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/08/2010 12:18

Thats how buses work round here, no one fold, you wait until theres a bus with a space.

I cant face that so i stay in until DH can take me somewhere.

Original poster
celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:22

Hi Riven.. 4month old not in a easily collapsable buggy.. in a laydown carrycot type pram.. doubt the driver will have waited for her to do this nor will he have held 4month old baby for her whilst she did so! not so easy with the one hand you see!! Smile

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 11/08/2010 12:23

NYANBU I can't believe how rude/unfriendly most of the bus drivers are now and they drive like they're driving formula 1 cars Shock

MumNWLondon · 11/08/2010 12:25

Why didn't your friend fold her buggy? I took DS2 (aged 4 months) on bus recently, was wearing sling as well, just in case, was ready to fold my buggy if need be. As it happened I didn't need to.

I am not sympathetic at all, sorry, as massive bugaboo/icandy carrycot type prams are not really appropriate for buses (or trains) for this reason, if you choose to use one then you need to wait in rain if there is already a buggy on board. It never ceases to amaze me that so many people even buy these huge prams, and then get annoyed in this sort of situation.

Now if it was someone with a wheelchair etc then thats a whole different thing.

snowmash · 11/08/2010 12:28

YANBU...but it happens to me all the time.

Parents seem much more able to fold their buggies if I'm already on the bus...strange that.

I also find that if the bus driver says 'You should fold that, you know - wheelchair', there's a higher rate of compliance than if they say 'Does that fold?' (fairly sure the terms of carriage suggest that all buggies/prams should be able to be folded).

Longest I've been sat in the rain is 1.5 hours with DC - I know some people have for longer :(

LucyLouLou · 11/08/2010 12:28

What I really hate (at least around here) is all the elderly people who take up the buggy spaces on the buses and refuse to move so the poor mums and dads with LOs have to stand in the gangway. No point asking them to move either, drivers won't back up the parents.

OP, YADNBU. If I was on the bus, I would've helped your friend with her buggy or at least offered to hold the baby so she could sort the buggy out. Poor lady. Hope she and the LO are okay now.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 11/08/2010 12:32

Why is it that the only used tickets on the floor of the bus belong to the OAPs?

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 12:33

I have been the girl turned away, and I have been the person on the bus. I can't fold my buggy, I'm disabled, and I have a bigger buggy for that reason, as I need to lean all of my weight on it.

It sucks being the person turned away - one instance the top deck was nearly empty, but the folding seats were all full of people sat down. The bus driver wouldn't ask them to move because they were "comfy where they [were]" Hmm - but if there are only X number of buggy places on the bus, and you happen to be over that number, then you wait. Its the risk you take when you use public transport with a buggy. Its frustrating, its upsetting, but there it is. Yes, it would be nice if someone folded their buggy to allow room for another one, but this isn't always possible.

So whilst I sympathise, don't think there's any point getting pissed off about it, to be honest. It won't be the first time or the last time it happens.

Fiddledee · 11/08/2010 12:33

The two other women with buggies may have had mound of shopping too - do you know they didn't. Trying to get off a bus with folded buggy, todder and lots of shopping bags impossible. One of the other mothers could have been pregnant you just don't know.

I quickly learnt buggies and buses do not mix, I just drive or walk. Its not worth the stress either the bus driver shouts at you or other mothers with buggies who can't get on.

Raincover and a mac is all you need - you don't dissolve in the rain.

moomaa · 11/08/2010 12:33

Another with not much sympathy, it's a pain but she should have had baby in sling and buggy folded ready to get on. Having said that, if I was on the bus I owuld have folded for her unless one of my DCs was asleep in the buggy.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 12:34

Sorry, that should be "where" Blush

superv1xen · 11/08/2010 12:35

oh god this makes me so angry...i remember it happening to me when my kids were tiny babies, it makes you sick, selfish bitches with their walking talking children and their fold up buggies just sit there and watch. your poor friend, i hope she is ok now?

mums SHOULD help eachother!

Original poster
celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:38

mumNWlondon.. wre you also wearing a cape, just in case, you had to fly off and save the world!?! highly unreasnoble to expect mums to take all the baby items they own out with them on every trip to the shops.. 'just in case'!!

I too have a carrycot type pram as i don't drive and want my (also 4month) baby to be safe and comfortable when i'm out and about.. to be fair i do usually walk everywhere (lose my baby weight now as will have no chance once back at work! [smile)but on the odd occaision i do want to use public transport you'd think that it would be convenient to do so.

OP posts:
notso · 11/08/2010 12:41

YANBU in the fact people should help each other.
However YABU or rather your friend was BU not to fold the pram. When DD was a baby you had to fold your pram to get on the bus. We had a massive 2in1 and I managed to fold that and hold DD and shopping, occasionally a little old lady would hold DD but usually I did it myself.

SanctiMoanyArse · 11/08/2010 12:41

OP YANBU

reality is there are sometimes reaosns- a quick glance can't tell you if the people us9ing the spaces couldn;t fold for soem unusual but exctenuatiying reason but as a rule of thumb, YADNBU

I gave up on buses, couldn;t manage to fold buggy, hold baby and manage my asd duo at same time. But that comes under rrare but extenuating circs I think and whilst if explain I would expect someone to be understanbding, I can't expect it to flash up in their head like some checklist of every possible variation

Snuppeline · 11/08/2010 12:45

I've had so many many bad experiences on the buses! I've had to push my pram with baby in through the front door and down the aisle bumping into people because the bus driver refused to open back doors so I could push the pram in - I said I'd come up front and swipe oystercard once in. He also started driving before I was in the middle bit. I've since bought a car....go figure!

Anyway, I am sympathetic to your friend being left in rain, however, you don't know when the other ladies were planning to get off. I know I would consider when I would be getting off, the comfort of my own child (is she sleeping, am I likely to have a seat to have her on my lap on or not). Also to fold pram and then maybe have to set it up again with a toddler in the rain outside of bus on busy road...? I can see why those other women perhaps had their own reasons to stay put.

Rather than turn on the ladies not folding prams I think we should all campagn for better customer services from public transport personnel and then perhaps we aren't all so afraid of busdrivers/train personnel hampering our journeys. And once the fear is taken away perhaps fellow passengers will be more likely to accommodate?

kittywise · 11/08/2010 12:48

fgs buy prams that are easy to collapse. What is so hard??? Think ahead. if you are going on a bus then make sure you buy a pram that you can collapse with one hand. It's not difficult and they do exist.
Not one of these ridiculous bloody monsters that take up half the pavement. Totally totally impractical. So if you spend half your life's savings on a pram that takes three people to collapse then don't expect a bus journey to be easy. I suspect the women on the bus had the monster prams.

susitwoshoes · 11/08/2010 12:48

MumNWlondon - I have a tiny bugaboo bee, one of the main reasons we bought it is cos it's so narrow and so good for the bus. BUT it's almost impossible to fold single handed - once you've got the baby out (who might be asleep and if anything like mine was at that age would've taken hours of walking to get to that point, so you really wouldn't want to wake her!) plus everything in the bottom of the pram out, handed everything to someone else to hold, then collapsed the pram - you would be drenched, baby would be screaming, other passengers and the driver pissed off. Whereas, in this instance, if the child was older and they're using an umbrella pushchair, plus they're inside the nice dry bus - surely easier for one of the other mums to do this. No?

Personally I wait for another bus but if I was unlucky enough to be at a stop with no shelter it would be nice to think that other people would help. Not all that likely in my neck of the woods though.