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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mums should help each other?

127 replies

celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:02

My friend just txt me to tell me that she and her 4month old baby were turned away from the bus and left standing in the rain as there was already 2 ladies & babies on the bus...
fair enough but those 2ladies had buggy's with children of a walking, sitting age.. neither of these mothers attepted to collapse their buggies to make room?

the wanker driver just closed the doors on my friend and drove off when she tried to ask if either mother could collapse their buggy.

is it unreasnoble of me to think that as mothers we should support each other? i find it outrageous that neither of the other mothers even offered? is this not just common courtsy, like offering your seat to an old person??

if you happen to be either of those other mums who was on that bus today, i hope you sleep well tonight. sleep well knowing that you left a new mum with her 4month old baby girl, crying with frustration in the rain. for 30mins till the next bus...Angry

rant over....

OP posts:
bumpsnowjustplump · 11/08/2010 14:32

I have a double buggy and use the bus all the time. The busses here have a wheelchair space and the other side there is a space for pushchair. When I got on there was an old persons shopping trolley in the pushchair section and when I got on I asked the driver if it was ok for me to use the wheelchair space, to which he replied yes.

3 stops later a lady in a wheelchair got on. I moved my double out of the space so she could get on and asked the old lady if she could move her shopping trolley as I needed to put the pushchair in the correct space. She refused. I couldn't stay where I was as i was blocking the gangway and there was no seats.. I went to talk to the driver and explained and he told the lady to move her trolly!!! Cant belive she actually said to him "i was here first she needs to fold the buggy down..."!! this went of for a few mins but in the end i could tell people were getting really stressed and so I did fold my buggy down, dd is 3 and ds is 17 months and not one arse gave them a seat except said lady in wheelchair who kindly held ds on her lap so i could hold onto dd and the pole at the same time.....

grrrrrrrrr

prozacfairy · 11/08/2010 14:37

My DD is nearly 3 and although I am happy to fold the buggy (only really used now to go shopping) to get on the bus with her if need be, and have offered to do this before I find the drivers aren't always pleased at having to wait while you do this.

Also the buses round my way at often small and while they have buggy/wheelchair bays they don't have anywhere to keep the buggy once folded especially if the bus is very crowded with mostly elderly people meaning I have to herd DD into a seat while holding the buggy, the shopping and whatever old tat DD hands me as well. Maybe the mums already on the bus had a sleeping toddler or loads of shopping? Still sucks though.

bumpsnowjustplump · 11/08/2010 14:48

and as for the monster buggy bitch, anyone who doesn't give up the space for a disabled person is a bloody disgrace, the fact they have a p&t or not makes not an ounce of difference. I dont live in a city and could not manage without the p&t when on my own. I use the bus at least once a week and have never until today encountered a problem with this. Not all the busses from my stop have both a wheelchair bay and a buggy bay so if they dont then I will wait for the next one that does... This is manners and does not relate to what buggy I use Confused

snowmash · 11/08/2010 15:03

Riven - couldn't agree more about the sign. Unfortunately most of the drivers on my main route are scared of the parents (big estate at one end of the route), and I get on half way.

Some towns I've been to parents have automatically folded, but not sure how that happens...

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 15:11

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usualsuspect · 11/08/2010 15:13

Why would he be scared of the people off the estate Confused

snowmash · 11/08/2010 16:15

usualsuspect : cases of parents verbally and physically abusing bus drivers on a fairly regular basis - unlike one of the other companies, this one doesn't have plexiglass.

Also, if parents say 'No', there's nothing the bus driver can do about it.

When I went to Bristol, parents folded when they saw me at the stop (generally). That doesn't happen everywhere.

LucyLouLou · 11/08/2010 17:24

bumps that's awful. Unfortunately the oldies can be slightly militant round here (Herts) as well. A couple of old biddies once started abusing my friend who got on a bus with her DTDs (then age 18m) because they thought she had no right to use the bus. It wasn't full, she wasn't in anyone's way, they just thought she should walk and (I imagine) the bus should be kept for them. She was so upset. Understandably.

frasersmummy · 11/08/2010 17:34

I only took my buggy on the bus once.. the bus driver said you'll have to fold that.

It was simple to fold but never having done it one handed i stood there looking a bit lost..

The bus driver was great. He said give him to me and sat jiggled money at ds till I not only got on, paid him and found a seat.

On the way off.. he said.. take your time, put the buggy up before you get off and he lowered the floor for me

So there are some lovely bus drivers out there

Deliaskis · 11/08/2010 17:38

Would agree on the whole with those who have pointed out that people should help each other, I don't think mums are a special set in this respect.

D

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 11/08/2010 17:40

My P and T fit just fine behind the pillar, with a kick to the front wheel to turn it flat.

BUT more manoeuvrable than those other buggies! PLUS as DD got older I could collapse it very easily and slide in in the seat with me. Oh Yes, so as a double it was pretty neat.
My M and P buggy was evil on the bus.

Up with suitable buggies, down with unmanuverable monstrosities.

I'd have folded if I could. Usually tho, three buggies would fit, and that included my P&T. Most buggies over hand a bit.

Thank heavens I have school age children now.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 11/08/2010 17:44

sorry. No idea what I was getting at with 2nd to last sentence!

RobynLou · 11/08/2010 17:50

We don't have a car and live in London so we're always on the bus/tube.
if you're going to be using public transport a lot I would think a sling is the best way to get the baby around, especially when they're so small. We didn't use a buggy till DD was nearly 2, and by that stage we could just have a little umbrella fold buggy which fitted in the luggage rack.
We only used the buggy for 6 months until she was able to walk everywhere/be carried on our shoulders when she's too tired.
I know a few people have back problems which make slings inappropriate, and most people wouldn't want to use a sling for a bigger baby/or with shopping, but I am often a little mystified by the mums I see on their way home with a tiny baby, a change bag and nothing else except a huge pram/buggy. Their lives would be so much easier if they stuck the baby in a sling!

sungirltan · 11/08/2010 17:54

yanbu op.

there are few buggies which you can truly collapse with one hand - i know because i'm trying to buy one now! dont be telling me you can collpase an umbrella buggy with one hand whilst holding a baby in the rain because you can't.

i struggle like mad getting on and off the train alone although strangers do often help me. more often than not its teenagers that rush to my rescue - which kind of shows up all the adults around in my opinion.

we should help eachother in life but mums all know its hard with all the equipment sometimes - we've all been there.

undercovamutha · 11/08/2010 17:57

There are millions of different pushchairs for sale (well hundreds anyway!). Is it really so hard to find one that suits your requirements?

FWIW I have a M&P umbrella fold. It had a carrycot attachment for a newborn. That could be quickly unclipped with baby in, and put on the floor/seat, whilst I folded the pushchair. Not rocket science.

I now have a car, and as we have no garage or decent storage, I store the pushchair in the car. Up until DS started standing/walking, when we came back from a walk I would hold him with one arm, and easily fold the pushchair and lift it into the boot with the other. No problem.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 18:16

Frasersmummy some of them are great, aren't they? I ended up leaving town much later than I normally would one time (due to several throw ups and explosive nappies...) and had to wait twenty minutes for the bus. It turned up, people pushed in front of me, and then it was jam packed. The bus driver turned round and shouted at everyone to "get close" and ushered me on - he must have been breaking so many rules as we were just stood in the gangway. When it was my turn to get off, without even asking me he got up to help me lift the buggy down and said to me, "I didn't want you to be waiting around for another one, they get so ratty when they're tired", smiled at me and carried on his way.

He restored my faith in bus drivers Grin He really was lovely.

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 19:38

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MumNWLondon · 11/08/2010 19:43

my single maclaren is in here. i just stood up and managed to collapse it with left hand and one foot only. if you have a sling you have 2 hands.

IMO if you are going to take buses, go with a sling until the baby is 3 months old and then with a really lightweight umbrella fold (and have sling too). have all your stuff in a rucksack or drawstring bag, not loose under the buggy.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 19:56

And those of us who can't? And who can't drive? What are we supposed to do? Just stay inside?

Bobbalina · 11/08/2010 20:19

I wish we had bus conductors who helped people who need assistance.

Failing which I wish that we had a different expectation on public transport that the driver and other passengers would work together. I guess if everyone started to try and help each other more that would go a long way.

Sadly I think it is a symptom of our modern society that we don't look out for each other much.

prozacfairy · 11/08/2010 20:34

I too can fold my maclaren with one hand. It does however take practice Grin first time I nearly dropped the baby and a slightly pissed polish man caught her for me Blush

You know you've made a hash of this manouvere when a sloshed stranger has better reflexes than your own.

kittywise · 11/08/2010 20:37

just get a maclaren, simply, lightweight, easy, small.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 20:39

Is that aimed at me, Kittywise?

porcamiseria · 11/08/2010 20:46

I am a bit torn on this

as where are you supposed to put said toddler when you fold up buggy, on a crowded bus its not that easy

I also think if you are using a bus that only goes every half hour you should have a plan B, taxi cash, or use a sling

BUT I do feel sorry for your mate, and if I was one of the Mums I would have folded buggy

she really should get a sling and a shopping buggy on wheels instead tho

MillyR · 11/08/2010 20:47

I really shouldn't be on yet another buggy and bus thread.

Like others on here, I had a toddler and a baby in the olden days (8 years ago) when there were no buggy spaces and no lowered bus floors. I folded my buggy before the bus arrived. When I had a more complex pushchair when DD was a newborn, if there was nobody else waiting at the bus stop to pass her too, I would lay her on a blanket on the ground while I folded.

I think generally people are helpful. I have been at the bus stop with a walking toddler, and a baby and a bag of coal in a double buggy. People held my children while I folded.