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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think mums should help each other?

127 replies

celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:02

My friend just txt me to tell me that she and her 4month old baby were turned away from the bus and left standing in the rain as there was already 2 ladies & babies on the bus...
fair enough but those 2ladies had buggy's with children of a walking, sitting age.. neither of these mothers attepted to collapse their buggies to make room?

the wanker driver just closed the doors on my friend and drove off when she tried to ask if either mother could collapse their buggy.

is it unreasnoble of me to think that as mothers we should support each other? i find it outrageous that neither of the other mothers even offered? is this not just common courtsy, like offering your seat to an old person??

if you happen to be either of those other mums who was on that bus today, i hope you sleep well tonight. sleep well knowing that you left a new mum with her 4month old baby girl, crying with frustration in the rain. for 30mins till the next bus...Angry

rant over....

OP posts:
Original poster
celebmum · 11/08/2010 12:51

well said snuppeline.. Smile

i may have been a unclear and perhaps a little biased with my blame towards the other mums.. it was equally directed at said driver.. i called him a mean name Grin

OP posts:
Olderkidsaremine · 11/08/2010 12:51

Its not that long ago when mine were babies, that all buggies had to be folded. Not easy when you have a double buggy and 3 under 2.7 plus changing bags and shopping. But if it wanted to go into town that is what had to do.

Yes is was difficult and yes I could count on one hand the number of times a person on the bus helped! My 16 month old was woken regularly to go find a seat on the bus whilst I folded the buggy.

Having a space to push your buggy is lovely but it is not a right and everyone should be prepared to fold up the buggy of a toddler aged child or not be allowed on.

BonniePrinceBilly · 11/08/2010 13:03

Whats with all the "but its haard" whining? Thats life with babies, hell thats just life, its not always a walk in the fucking park. Get a grip, suck it up and get the fuck on with it. Think up ways around it, Just stop whining!

thebellsofsaintclements · 11/08/2010 13:06

OP, YANBU at all! I had this yesterday - am 6 months pregnant with horrible SPD (otherwise would walk), had a toddler in the buggy and the bus driver refused to let me on even though i begged him to let me fold my toddler's pushchair (Maclaren). The bus was half empty too and not one passanger offered to help - they were too busy staring at me as if i was a circus freak.

I thought we could live without a car given that we're in central-ish London, but am having to reconsider now...

larks35 · 11/08/2010 13:07

I had this when DS was very young and even though one of the mums on bus said she'd collapse her buggy, the job's worth bus driver said it didn't matter he couldn't have more that 2 pushchairs on the bus! I ended up walking the 3 miles home.

Morloth · 11/08/2010 13:08

YABU, you either fold or wait if there is no space. That is the way it goes.

Motherhood is not some special club.

Original poster
celebmum · 11/08/2010 13:10

out of order Bonnieprincewhatever!!!

correct me if i'm wrong but is this not a forum where mums can have a good whinge/moan/laugh with other mums and perhaps get a bit of advice & feedback?!?!?

get a grip yourself!

OP posts:
Tortington · 11/08/2010 13:12

yes life is hard. which is why it is so much better to have other people to talk to, even on a forum. people to sympathise and put things into perspective.

BonniePrinceBilly · 11/08/2010 13:13

Nope, its AIBU. It's where you come to be reminded that its not all about you, that many of the things you are getting your knickers bunched about are in fact pathetic, and that you are, indeed, being deeply unreasonable.

HTH. Smile

usualsuspect · 11/08/2010 13:17

BonniePrinceBilly Isn't that the whole point of MN ? or shall we all post about our easy perfect lives and children ..having said that op, yabu she could have folded her buggy like I had to in the olden days

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 13:31

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Morloth · 11/08/2010 13:35

I had a good smugaboo moment today, my nimble little bee just slid in behind the pole on the bus, while the massive phil & teds SUV buggy was overhanging causing much angst amongst other bus people, when she got off we got another bee and a maclaren in the space.

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 13:39

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KERALA1 · 11/08/2010 13:39

Maybe I am living in a parallel universe but I find people on buses really quite helpful. If the driver is being annoying say in a loud rather bossy voice "its ok will fold the buggy". Hand the baby to nearest sane looking person, fold buggy get on, retrieve baby, smile at grumpy driver (they hate that)hey presto. nb important not to have a huge monster buggy if you have one of these dont use buses.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 13:42

I have a "monster buggy". And to be honest, as long as you can steer / park it properly, you can still get three, sometimes four, other buggies on with it.

So can we stop the "monster buggy" attacks now, please?

usualsuspect · 11/08/2010 13:46

I had a mcclaren, was an expert at folding it with one hand ..and used to get loads of help on and off buses, and retrieving it from the pile in the luggage rack

Morloth · 11/08/2010 13:47

Oh but we do need to have the weekly monster buggy/bus thread SirBoobAlot and it would not have been physically possible to get another buggy in beside the 3 wheeler P&Ts today. It was already in sideways and was hanging into the aisle. She would have been fine if alone but is probably not going to happen.

snowmash · 11/08/2010 14:00

So can we stop the "monster buggy" attacks now, please?

In many areas buses only have one wheelchair space and no buggy space, so if there is one of these on the bus, it stops any disabled person getting on.

(yes, I should save this to copy and paste next week ;) ).

sarah293 · 11/08/2010 14:02

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becaroo · 11/08/2010 14:06

Some bus drivers can be real arseholes when it comes to passengers with small children. I have had to get up from my seat before now to help mothers with babies/bags/pushchairs whilst the busdriver has just sat there watching us.

Complain to the company - state which route, what day and the time.

kitstwins · 11/08/2010 14:08

Morloth what about the ginormous-mungous P&T's that have twins in them? Large prams aren't just the reserve of the selfish parent - the implication that we're somehow taking up space just to fuck off the poor mothers of newborns with a lot of shopping is a little generalised.

Having had twins and therefore a double mountain buggy and then a P&T's I can offer this piece of advice: Don't use the bus if you can possibly help it. I've cried in the rain over my four month old babies at the shittiness of my day but I walked whilst I did it. Buses just weren't worth the agony. I tramped for miles (six, seven a day) when my babies were small. However, I DO sympathise with the OP's friend. I've been the girl crying in the rain when you need to get home and everything feels a bit too much. Maybe pack a sling in the basket of her pram and get a bit militant the next time a driver says "no". I know it's hard to be tough when you're a new mother (hormones, tiredness) but sometimes directly asking the 'sisterhood' to fold their prams and stick their children on their lap is more effective than waiting and hoping for the generosity of spirit to prevail.

Bonnieprincebilly you've clearly mastered the art of life haven't you? If only we could all 'suck up' the trials of motherhood as well as you, eh?

BigAngryRedThing · 11/08/2010 14:14

Your friend should have considered the ease of folding the pushchair before she puchased it, if she knew she would be traveling by bus.

It's much harder to have a walking, sitting toddler out of a pushchair on the bus than it is a 4 months old. I'm sure in a few years when your friend has a toddler to contend with the last thing she will want to do is let it loose on a moving bus.

Not only that, but if she were on the bus and somone using a wheelchair wanted to get on, she would have to fold it.

SirBoobAlot · 11/08/2010 14:15

Snowmash - I am aware of that, I am disabled, and although better than I was now, I was initially in a wheelchair. I have gotten off a bus before to allow a wheelchair to get on. And whilst I was in the wheelchair, I watched bus upon bus go past because people didn't fold their buggies, or were simply sat in the place.

Comes down to selfishness, and not just a certain type of buggy, FFS.

Morloth · 11/08/2010 14:24

Buggies should always get off for a wheelchair. No ifs buts or maybes.

The P&T today had a single toddler in it. I don't actually care that much but it was an observation that it didn't fit in the space.

I usually just walk because as you say buggies and buses are a PITA. But I did buy the Bee after observing the sideways behind the bar trick so that if I did need to get the bus we wouldn't be sucking up too much space.

Having kids is a PITA and it is pointless to expect the world to stop because you had one. OP doesn't know anything about the people already in the buggy space.

Everyone is tired, everyone is busy, everyone has problems.

MumNWLondon · 11/08/2010 14:28

My newborn buggy isn't easy to fold either, takes two hands. Now he is 4 months use lightweight maclaren which is easier. Has shoulder strap, often fold while waiting at stop.

Lightweight is ESSENTIAL on tube as sometimes have to carry it up and down steps if no ones helps (although never have to fold). You can get mothercare own brand similar fairly cheap. Or buy 2nd hand "bus buggy" on ebay.

When I get a bus I always a) am wearing a sling b) have all my stuff in a drawstring bag/or rucksack. That way if I do have to fold can do it not a problem.

I am very aware that the "buggy" area on the bus is actually a wheelchair area. Using a big carrycot thing is selfish IMO (if you and your DC both healthy) because it means that a wheelchair user (or a disabled adult needing big buggy etc) wouldn't be able to get on as you'd be unable to fold.

Keep the monster buggies for walks or for your car. IMO a small buggy thats hard to fold (eg bugaboo bee) is not a good bus buggy.

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