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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be very mad at finding my dd crying at nursery...

120 replies

EvieBear · 10/08/2010 20:38

... while the team leader sat about two metres from her, cross-legged, just staring back at her?

I am so mad. I went to collect 13months DD today at nursery, and walked in to find a peaceful room apart from my dd who was sobbing her heart out kneeling in the room. She was facing the team leader of the room, who was sitting about 2 metres from her, cross-legged, staring back at my dd. I couldn't believe it!!! She was the only staff member in the room of maybe 6 children which is strange too. All other children were happily playing, it wasn't like she was torn between a few disasters happening at once, so WHY didn't she try to soothe my very upset child? I'm disgusted someone in childcare could just sit there staring at her crying. I've had issues with this woman before, she's is defintiely not the warmest.
She proceeded to tell me my daughter had been upset for a good while, and when I got her home I noticed a nice black bruise under her chin.

Please tell me how your nurseries deal with this kind of thing. Am I from another planet because I feel that this was totally cruel? I don't know how to go about it. Angry Angry Angry

OP posts:
MissBonpoint · 10/08/2010 20:43

I would be thinking of changing nurseries. If your child is injured at nursery you should be informed about it straight away. Get her out of there.

domesticslattern · 10/08/2010 20:44

If this is the team leader, and if this is a pattern of behaviour, I would remove my child from the nursery TBH.

Besom · 10/08/2010 20:45

I don't have much experience of nurseries but I would say you need to discuss it with them. And then maybe find another nursery.

rubyslippers · 10/08/2010 20:45

Awful

Raise a complaint about the bruise and the lack of response

Staffing ratio sounds too low as well

I would be looking for a new nursery asap

compo · 10/08/2010 20:45

I would complain
and think about changing nurseries Sad
did she say she was trying to let her calm down or something?

autodidact · 10/08/2010 20:45

She sounds really horrible. Your poor baby. I would have found this very upsetting too. Can you find another nursery or childminder? If this is how the team leader acts I would be very concerned and looking elsewhere.

June2009 · 10/08/2010 20:45

call them tomorrow and point out the bruise, ask how it got there and wether it was reported in the accident book.
I would also talk to the manager about the leader's behaviour and how you feel. Put a formal complaint in, she might have had a complaint before. Did you check their ofsted report?

RunningOutOfIdeas · 10/08/2010 20:46

I suggest you ask the nursery to explain a few things:
Why was your DD crying?
How did she get the bruise?
Depending on the answers to those questions, you might want to ask further questions about why she was not being comforted.

My DD is in full time nursery. If she falls over or has been hurt by another child the staff will comfort her. If she is having a tantrum after being told off (eg. for snatching a toy from another child) they will leave her alone to calm down.

It is difficult to see your child upset, especially if it does not appear to be handled properly. The nursery really should have been able to explain to you straight away what had happened.

I have had a few issues with DD's nursery. I find sending an email to the manager gets a good response, or I telephone her.

Hope you get some answers from your nursery that will reassure you.

autodidact · 10/08/2010 20:47

Quite a lot of consensus here...

hellymelly · 10/08/2010 20:47

I would complain and change nurseries.Anyone who can watch a baby cry like that is obviously unhinged.

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2010 20:47

omg!

i would remove her immediately
i would complain to the nursery
i would report to ofsted/whoever else needs to be notified

that's absolutely outrageous.
the fact that she had been upset for a good while is no mitigating factor either! in fact, it makes it even worse

Firawla · 10/08/2010 20:47

this doesn't sound right at all
did she say why she had decided to leave her just crying? when as you say she had been injured and didnt have other disasters to deal with at the same time. it seems strange. i would go and talk to them and see what they have to say for themselves, then take it from there? if you are not happy with it then look at others. if that lady is not warm and nice anyway then she may be better off if you do find somewhere else and settle her in there, its the staff that make it good or bad i think, more than the facilities or whatever else

supersalstrawberry · 10/08/2010 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 10/08/2010 20:53

Oh fuck no, I wouldn't be taking her back there.

I was all ready to go with YABU because of course they sometimes cry at nursery, but what you described is not acceptable.

Original poster
EvieBear · 10/08/2010 20:54

thanks so much, i burst into tears after i left the nursery and didnt know whether i had been at work all day and was tired/stressed or not... well, i knew it was wrong but i'm glad to have support on the matter.

the team leader just said she'd been uspet quite a bit all day on and off. that was it. didnt explain why she wasnt comforting her, nothing. it was so upsetting seeing my dd staring at her as if to say 'please comfort me'... she is a very good baby too, v chilled out.

i just don't know who could behave like this. i will get my DP to call tomorrow, i just can't deal with it and am annoyed they have put me in such a position as to feel this way towards them.

thanks so much, great to hear i'm not overly sensitive etc....

OP posts:
Mowgli1970 · 10/08/2010 20:56

I'd get her out of there! Who could sit and stare at a baby crying? Not someone I'd want within 50 feet of my children. I'd also make an official complaint, citing this woman's reaction to your dd as the reason for the move.

SloanyPony · 10/08/2010 20:56

Why didn't you ask her at the time why she hadn't been comforted by the team leader?

SloanyPony · 10/08/2010 20:57

Or, what did she say when you asked her why she was not comforting her?

ChippingIn · 10/08/2010 20:57

Sorry to hear that, it's always hard to see them crying & not being comforted.

What else did the woman say, other than 'she's been upset for a while'?

Can you take tomorrow off to sort it out? I wouldn't be too happy sending her in tomorrow.

How is she normally when you collect her?

Does she want to go in the mornings?

I think you need to find out more before you go jumping the gun moving her and calling Ofsted.

thisisyesterday · 10/08/2010 20:58

i don't know how nurseries normally deal with it, as i've never had a child that age at nursery, and when mine did go they were thankfully always happy

BUT, I would expect that they have things they do if a child is upset for long periods? give calpol? cuddle? call you???

i'd be quite upset if my child had been crying on and off all day and rather than ring me to see if i wanted to get her in case she was ill they just gave up and let her cry by herself Angry Sad

autodidact · 10/08/2010 21:00

Oh Evie, poor you. I would have been v v v upset in this situation too. Really hope you can sort things out so you feel confident in your childcare once more and that your daughter feels better soon too.

ballstoit · 10/08/2010 21:01

DD2 is 13 mnths, when she is hurt at creche I have to sign the accident book, treatment will read 'kiss, cuddle, cold compress'. This is just what I want for her if she's upset or hurt. 13mnths is too young for crying to be ignored because the staff feel it's a tantrum, so I cant see why she wouldnt have been comforted untiil she stopped crying (other disasters permitting!).

Hope Dp gets somewhere tomorrow, if not I would certainly be looking elsewhere, or wanting a change of staff in her room.

Habbibu · 10/08/2010 21:01

God, I'd be thinking of changing too. Maybe at 2 you'd give a child some space to calm down, but a 13 month old is a baby, and has no idea why she's not being comforted. Poor lamb, and poor you.

Original poster
EvieBear · 10/08/2010 21:01

I didn't ask her because the I can't stand her and I always think I am being over sensitive. I'm just silly, i feel like a bad mum now, who didn't stand up for her child there and then - oops!! Must work on that.

I just find it so unnatural to be able to just stare at a baby crying?!??!! She was just sitting in front of her. OMG!!!! Still so angry!

OP posts:
abr1de · 10/08/2010 21:02

Ditto to Habbibu's post.