to be very mad at finding my dd crying at nursery...

[EvieBear]

... while the team leader sat about two metres from her, cross-legged, just staring back at her?

I am so mad. I went to collect 13months DD today at nursery, and walked in to find a peaceful room apart from my dd who was sobbing her heart out kneeling in the room. She was facing the team leader of the room, who was sitting about 2 metres from her, cross-legged, staring back at my dd. I couldn't believe it!!! She was the only staff member in the room of maybe 6 children which is strange too. All other children were happily playing, it wasn't like she was torn between a few disasters happening at once, so WHY didn't she try to soothe my very upset child? I'm disgusted someone in childcare could just sit there staring at her crying. I've had issues with this woman before, she's is defintiely not the warmest.
She proceeded to tell me my daughter had been upset for a good while, and when I got her home I noticed a nice black bruise under her chin.

Please tell me how your nurseries deal with this kind of thing. Am I from another planet because I feel that this was totally cruel? I don't know how to go about it.

And because ratios are always followed, its very seldom I have signed the accident book because he's done something - I know accidents happen, but they happen less when there is adequate supervision.

It is awful that the bruise was not mentioned. My cm Doesn't miss a scratch on my DS.

Sorry, haven't had the chance to read through all the posts, but if I was you, I would be kicking up a fuss, making a complaint and whipping my kid out of there like a shot. I've had experiences with a day nursery before, the owner/manager was borderline neglectful and verbally abusive to the children. I wish I'd had the balls to make a complaint but as I wasn't a parent, I didn't think I had the right to. Then a couple of years later, I read in the local paper that the aforementioned woman got a fucking MBE for her 'services'! So now of course, all local parents think she's going to be brilliant because she's got that.

Make a complaint now. It's horrible.

Good luck.

I agree with sloanypony. If they are sloppy about the ratios it makes you wonder what else they cut corners on.

thanks everyone! i do need to get used to dealing with these kind of scenarios, so all your comments are appreciated.

sloanypony thanks for your advice on how i could have raised the issue with this woman i.e. unemotional voice. i really want to be able to do this kind of thing! must try to get some practice in or do an assertiveness course. the real reason i feel i can't is because i know i am dependent on them and i am afraid if i act bolshy, they will take it out on my dd in future.

for someone else who posted - no, she was not one bit ruffled at being caught being an inconsiderate twit!!!!!

Would def consider taking your dd out of there...staff ratio should be 1:3 for that age group...

Would raise issue with ofsted and the manager

Iiv worked in nurseries and would never leave a 13month old to sit and cry esp as you say no other disaster where occuring at the time. This person sounds although she should not be working with small kids!!

hope the situation gets sorted.

Evie, do look into other options. other nurseries, local childminders etc etc

it may be that you do decide to take her out and it would be good to have back-up ready in case that happens

what would worry me is that if she was totally unconcerned at being "caught" looking after too many children, and watching a small baby cry.... what else does she do when you aren't looking?

i don't say that to scaremonger, but it's a genuine concern i would have.

I also think that if you take your child out you should let ofsted know. because it isn't just your child that is being treated like that

I really really think you should start looking elsewhere, Evie. It is appalling that you think there is any possibility at all that staff could take a parent's bolshie attitude out on a baby. Not that complaining about this is bolshie, in any case.

YARBU i would be furious too and removing her from the setting. You have to totally trust a nursery when you leave your child with them and from reading the thread i dont get the impression you do.

surely if a child of any age had been upset for a while you comfort them and then attempt to distract and interact with them not sit looking at them!!!

Complain to the nursery management first about the bruise, the crying and the fact that there should be one adult to every 4 children at that age.

Then make an official complaint to Ofsted and your local authority.

And remove your child from the nursery. Sounds very dodgy to me - I know a bit about daycare settings.

Sorry - ratio is 1 to 3 (even worse then)

I got my nvq 3 in early years some years ago i had always wanted to work in nurseries but soon found it not for me so I went off to be a childminder.I think get your child out.I was working at one now rated as outstanding by ofsted and havent forgotten being shouted at by the woman in charge when i tried to comfort a little girl in tears .She shouted at me in front of all the other children Just shout at her and tell her to stop crying in her view i was hopeless as a nursery nurse.because i didnt shout at any of the childrenTrust your own feelings I saw the same in other nurserys it was like the children crying were seen as naughty it was really awfull

This just made me cry. My DD is 13/14 months and I have been considering nurseries but worried about exactly this kind of thing. 13 months is still very young, and the whole bleeding point of her being there is that an adult can look after her.
Complain in person to the (evil)~ woman, and let her know you will be making a formal complaint, both to the manager and Ofsted. Also remove your daughter. Poor little love. Give her lots of cuddles. :(

I have a little tiny bit of experience of nursery care and when my children were in their care I was a hawk-eye. But both nurseries were run by specialist primary teachers (for 3 plus). They did go to toddler groups and playgroups though and any bumps, bruises were explained and I knew the adults involved so was confident about the care they received.
No-one with a heart could just sit and stare at a genuinely distressed tot. Even if they were having a tantrum you would surely be trying to distract them or talking calmly to them - not just staring.
Get your child out of there if this is not the first worry you have had (someone said you had expressed concerns before?).

Ok- if anyone is interested, I called the nursery today to talk to the manager. I said I wanted to raise an issue and explained how I found dd sobbing with the team leader staring at her doing absolutely nothing to help the situation. She said oh i see... I asked what the policy was on this kind of thing and she said staff aren't encouraged to lift children up. That's fair enough but my dd was distressed, unusually so and need comforting andway... the manger did sound like she was thinking uh-oh. She tried to end the conversation saying she would talk to the team leader tomorrow as she had left. I said no, there's more. When I arrived home I found a black bruise on dd's chin and I heard nothing about this. What happened? She said oh dear again and that she would investigate, I also said I was surprised to see the team leader alone in the room as the ratio was wrong with 6/7 babies in the room at that time and she said maybe another one was changing a nappy ... ok so there's no backup plan!!
The very bad thing was that she then said,'anyway i've been past the room today and your dd is happy and playing nicely' - my dd was at home with me today!!!!!! She wasn't even in nursery. Oh dear.
What do you all make of this? DP is going to follow up with a mail to reiterate all the points. I felt like she sounded rushed on the phone not sure if she was or it was nerves at my call..... Hmmm.

definitely follow it up with a letter and give them a deadline to get back to you by.

fwiw I think I would change nursery if it wasn't too much trouble.

Oh my goodness. (again!)

Time for formal complaint, copied to Ofsted.

She doesn't even know who your daughter is.

Did you tell her she wasn't there? Did she ask why? Did she apologise?

And how is it possible to look after babies without picking them up?

I presume she won't be going back there?

Good luck. :)

"Staff aren't encouraged to lift children up"

??????

Don't take your baby back there, please.

Our nursery would always cuddle those that needed it. Who the hell wouldn't????

FGS.

Definately formal complaint.

My sons have been in nursery for 2 years - since DS1 was 2 and DS2 was 7m. They have always been held and picked up, comforted and soothed. Even now the 3 and 4 year olds are picked up or cuddled if they are upset or hurt. I have never ever seen a child left to cry there.

Accidents do happen (both mine came home with unexplained scratches and bruises this week, but they are like that at home so I'm not worried) but you should always be made aware of them, and feel that your children are looked after. In 2 years I have never worried about my children's safety at their nursery as I have 100% confidence in their workers.

If nappies needed changing, sometimes the ratio does change - but often you'd have the key worker take a couple of children in at a time to counteract this. in the larger rooms when they are potty trained they try and keep doors open so they can still supervise. They also share toilets between 2 rooms so they can have better ratios.

Your nursery doesnt sound ideal. I cannot imagine not picking up or comforting a crying child, let alone a 13mo baby.

I second MissHissyFit - very strange not to pick babies/toddlers up to comfort them. Honestly, I would take your DD out of there immediately and find a nursery with a more normal, caring ethos. Your poor, poor DD and poor you too.

Not encouraged to lift children? Why on earth not? That's bonkers. DH came in to pick up dd and on several occasions found her sleeping in a NN's arms. And the stuff about your dd being there when she wasn't is insane. I really would take her out if you can. Sounds really crap.

I went in to collect my DD from nursery one day and couldn't see her! One of the staff members took me to the managers office and there was my 11 month old DD sat on the managers knee having a cuddle playing with paper weights and ripping up some of her computer paper (worth pointing out that there were plenty of staff around and the office front is clear perspex). She had been upset on and off all day with no obvious cause and they found after trying many options that this was a good way to soothe her. On other occasions I have entered nursery to collect DD and found her sat with the same manager or her key worker having quiet 1:1 cuddle time, book talk or even special time in the sensory room. This is the most comforting thing to me as I know they seek to ensure the happiness and comfort of my child when she is feeling sad.
As the others have said; an accident form should have been completed and countersigned by you - if not... why not?

As you have had issues with this woman before definitely complain and seek answers - You are justified in having high expectations as any childcare setting worth its salt should have high expectations too! If you need a little guidance for your complaint look at the quality poster for childcare at this URL

www.dcsf.gov.uk/everychildmatters/earlyyears/childcare/childcareservices/

and from what you describe it looks like three very important elements were missing:

*Meeting every individuals' needs
*Staffing ratios
*Warm responsive relationships

Good luck xxxx

Thats absolutely appalling! Your poor dd. The managers response makes it so much worse, not only does the nursery employ uncaring staff, its run by a complete idiot! This makes me so worried about returning to work, it would break my heart to find ds like that

Yes, totally bizarre. My god, my poor DD. She hasn't even been there that long, I only went back to work 7 weeks ago so it's still all very new. Anyway, because it's new, I appreciate opinions from those of you who have lots of nursery experience - enable me to understand what i should expect.

Thanks everyone!

Marjee, there are plenty of good nurseries/CMs. One reason we chose ours for dd was seeing through a door window as we passed by, and saw a NN, unaware she was being observed, spontaneously give a wee boy a big hug and laugh with him.