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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

crouch, ronan keating, mark owen etc... is all that keeps "ordinary" men from cheating is lack of opportunity?

97 replies

stillbobbysgirl · 10/08/2010 14:41

Me and DH had a heated debate on this subject last night. If you met Peter Crouch, Mark Owen, Ronan Keating etc, down the pub, would you not think they were totally average looking fellas, and they get women throwing themselves at them coz they are famous/rich?

I think it therefore follows that if ANY bloke (including husband who is as faithful as an old labrador) had women chucking themselves at them, they would be shagging all around them. He disagrees!

OP posts:

notwavingjustironing · 10/08/2010 15:41

I struggle with the fact that many of these men cheat with "cut price" versions of their own wives.

I read an article once about ex-Wags, and realised that they actually had rather sad lives - yes, they had the money to do with whatever they wanted, but they didn't have a normal family life with their partner, who could be moved to the other end of the country at the drop of a hat.

Add to that the legions of wannnabe "starlets" wanting their ten minutes in the Sunday papers throwing themselves at their other halves as soon as look at, then its not a particularly empowering place to be is it?

You have to "forgive" and "forget" - because what's the alternative ? A life as a nobody (in their world).

The obligatory "mourning" pictures in the paper, followed by the "reconciliation" at a suitable future date, are part and parcel of the whole tawdry process. It's a depressing world to live in.

MovingBeds · 10/08/2010 15:41

I don't think peter Crouch is ugly though is he? He just looks ordinary, if not tall

minibmw2010 · 10/08/2010 15:43

What does make me depressed is the thought that you can still look like Abbey, be feisty, seems interesting, fun, etc. and still get cheated on ... Doesn't raise much hope really.

LucyLouLou · 10/08/2010 15:45

Peter Crouch almost frightens me, he has such definition in his face I feel like his bones are going to burst through! I happen to think he is really ugly I'm afraid!

MovingBeds · 10/08/2010 15:49

his bones are going to burst through his face????

LucyLouLou · 10/08/2010 16:00

It really does worry me! Even more so when he smiles, which makes him rather sinister as well!

MrsTittleMouse · 10/08/2010 16:03

I think that everyone has the potential to be unfaithful - man or woman. Right now, my (and DH's) opportunities are very thin on the ground; we have two small children, we're exhausted, and neither of us spends much time away. So it's not much of an effort to resist any (barely exisitant) temptations.

If we were both jetting off all over the world and away from each other, especially if we were surrounded by loads of other people who were shagging around left, right and centre with bugger-all in the way of consequence, well then I think it would be more difficult. Not impossible, but definitely more difficult.

I think that it's also a bit of a herd-mentality thing. Just like the MPs and their expenses. Everyone around you is doing it and it becomes completely normal. You're considered a mug if you don't. We all like to think that we'd have taken the moral high ground in those circumstances, but I'm not sure whether I would have. You just become so cut off from normal everyday life.

kittya · 10/08/2010 16:04

They arent all married to dolly birds are they? I think the type of women that footballers shag are not the same type of women that rockers go for. Oh, and lets not forget actors as well!! Men in high powered or just in male dominated jobs are the same. The do it because they think they can get away with it and have masses of opportunity. Most of the time they do get away with it.

I hate to be cynical but if a man encountered a good looking intelligent female and he knew under no circumstances he would be found out then, the chances are he would go for it.

GetOrfMoiLand · 10/08/2010 16:24

Oh no, Peter crouch is an ugly bleeder, sorry.

I must work with a load of decent blokes, but have worked in a male dominated industry and I would say 99% of them are good, faithful blokes.

kittya · 10/08/2010 16:31

I agree with MrsT its about who they are hanging around with post gig/match/conference, whatever it may be. If everyone is doing the same thing and, if they all have wives and families at home the chances are they are going to get away with it. I imagine, as in real life, the quiet ones are the worst as well!!

Itsjustafleshwound · 10/08/2010 16:34

I think any man given the opportunity and circumstances will - I don't think faithfulness comes into it at all - more like the ability to resist/what consequences would be if others found out

MrsTittleMouse · 10/08/2010 16:50

I have been thinking about this (while doing the washing up!). I reckon that my natural tendency to stray is greater than DH's (even though he is a normal red-blooded man etc.). I've had two men on the go before now (more than once), even though I've never been unfaithful in a relationship.

But I can't think of any cases of famous women who have been unfaithful, or slept around. Are there any? And how are they treated by the press?

kittya · 10/08/2010 16:58

I dont know about that one, in all honesty. Do you think that girl singers say someone like Florence gets loads of men shoving their phone numbers under her hotel door? or groups of men saying Ive been listening to you since I was 15? I cant imagine it but I guess it could work both ways. I must be getting old as I cant even think of any famous women singers/bands that are around! Havent both members of the Spice Girls and Girls Aloud shagged their dancers? thats what Ronan did.

omnishambles · 10/08/2010 17:06

No - I dont think every man would - most men would be tempted and most men would snog someone if [very] shitfaced and the woman really threw herself - its happening in that situation before you even notice.

But some men would get to there and then think 'I'm not going any further' whereas some men would go all the way and not be able to stop themselves - like every temptation really.

Women are the same as well - like MrsMouse am far more likely to stray than dh.

LucyGoose · 10/08/2010 17:09

That Crouch is one gangly, bucktoothed bugger. Would he get laid this easily if he was a butcher or an accountant? Doubt it! And get engaged to Abby Clancy? Never in a million years!

thislittlesisterlola · 10/08/2010 17:14

I agree with minibmw
Part of me doesnt want to agree with the OP but sadly in reality, in my mind you are probably right. I think whether famous or not it is probably happening a lot more than I would guess.

MmeLindt · 10/08/2010 18:27

There comes a point in a new friendship/relationship/flirt that you make the decision to proceed and go on to the next stage, or to stop it there and stay faithful.

If a man (or a woman) is in a situation that they reach this point at a moment when they have been away from home for a while/had a tiff with partner/things not going well/just darned horny --- whatever combination of circumstances combined to weaken will power, then I do think that the risk is always there.

My DH used to work for a company that sent engineers abroad for several months at a time to oversee building work. There were several colleagues who had a girlfriend in the other town. Opportunity plus loneliness.

twopeople · 10/08/2010 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BeenBeta · 10/08/2010 19:06

What a depressing thread that most people seem to think their DH/DP would be unfaithful if he got the opportunity and didnt think he would get caught.

Mind you, a surgeon once told DW that 5-10% of women have a child which cannot possibly be the child of the apparent DH/DP because the blood group of the child does not match.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 10/08/2010 19:07

I think that if someone is going to cheat then they will, celebrity or not. And let us not forget, that (according to the papers) Crouch has already forgiven the WAG for cheating. So it's not just men.

It sometimes feels as if they are all doing it, they seem to come in groups, stories of celebs cheating on their wives. But there are loads that don't - you just never hear of them. Someone mentioned Paul Scholes, you have Jamie Redknapp and lots of others who I cannot name at the moment

booyhoo · 10/08/2010 19:11

beenbeta, i am glad you have posted. i may be very naive but i really am of the opinion that some men will cheat regardless and some men never will. the same as women. i know for a fact that if i was in a relationship and had a 100 men promising me the world i would not cheat. i refuse to believe there are no men out there that also share this moral stance.

AliGrylls · 10/08/2010 19:33

booyhoo, completely agree with you. I know my DH could never be unfaithful. He can't lie and he even struggles to throw out his favourite pair of socks - even though they are hole ridden.

TBH though I really don't think infidelity is the worst crime a person can commit in a relationship (depending on the circumstances) and I am pretty sure if it were a one off, short fling I would forgive DH an indiscretion or two (I am now awaiting flames).

booyhoo · 10/08/2010 19:43

ali i too think there are worse thing s to do in a relationship however i couln't move on after an affair or cheating of any kind as trust is the no1 thing to me in all relationships (family and friends included)

kittya · 10/08/2010 19:47

Im guessing the wifes married to these men are very well practiced at turning a blind eye, I wonder how many of them have truelly married for love?

AliGrylls · 10/08/2010 19:55

I agree trust is important - but I always think how I would like to be treated if the tables were turned.

I would not expect DH to forgive me for a fullblown affair that went on behind his back for years, but say, for example, I got drunk one night and ended up snogging a guy or possibly more I would want him to forgive me because I love him and I know he is the only person for me (even though I got drunk and did whatever). The reason why a person would do something like this is because of weakness and enjoying the attention (see the other thread). Not everyone needs to like the person they do it with.

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