to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful

[weejie]

After reading a few posts on here I feel sorry for all these Mother in Laws...

They seem to be generally interested, maybe a little over keen, but with a bunch of self pitying, whinging daughter in laws who think the world revolves round them, are passive aggressive, have not bothered setting up a relationship and are too pathetic to establish the boundaries in a nice way and come on here and moan instead.

Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren.

I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling.

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable, but am generally and regularly amazed at what people find to moan about, particularly as even with the spin they put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of love and interest.

bottyburp - what on earth are you on about? I am not on here moaning about you...

you specifically asked me to respond to you so I did, other than that you didn't hold much interest for me and there was nothing you said that made me feel particularly strongly or want to moan about

how funny that you accuse me of thinking the world revolves round me!

not sure why you care about someone you've never met though...perhaps you need to get out more?

no, I'm talking about the people I have read, not everyone on here

god this is boring

see you all, I'm off to do something more interesting

OP, yabu and cannot assume all mils behave out of 'love and interest'. My mil's behaviour stems from the love and self interest of herself, no-one else. Thank god she's in Glasgow and I'm, well, not.

Weejie - I have almost verbatim quoted your original post at you

hopefully now you might realise how it comes across

Or maybe not

Have you actally READ some of the MIL threads.... ??

Seriously weejie? have you?

Some of the MIL stories on here are enough to curl your hair, behaviour is beyond belief!

We all know that the MIL thread is an overdone topic, so therefore mostly only the most extreme stories are told.

Anyone who comes on here with a weak MIL story is dealt with fairly swiftly, along the lines of you don't know you are born... get over it, plenty worse where that came from and YABU.

So sorry weejie, having read the threads where the baby is taken against DIL/DS wishes, refusal to call child by chosen name, constant criticism of DIL, ignorance of all directions by parents to GP leading to genuine suffering by GC.... ad infinitum...

YABU.

Am loving my nan's treatment of Mum was justified as well, and calling asd dx a freak

Ok then

weeje is not suited to the responsive nature of a talk board in particular AIBU

(Never done gavel before, ha)

weejie

I find this makes Mumnset quite an irritating place to be...

Fuck off then

Riven

The kids have got colouring pencils fatter then you!

[If you seriously think you're fat, you need to speak to someone before your self-image gets any more distorted]

and for the record - your MIL is indeed, a bitch - just in case you weren't tooo sure about it

Riven my SIL said that DS1 should have been drowned at birth so I know where you are coming from.
She said it over the phone from 300 miles away as she is a coward, but the next time I see her I will kick 7 shades of shit out of her.

"god this is boring

see you all, I'm off to do something more interesting"

AIBU to think that this roughly translates to:
"I've lost this argument but haven't the cojones to admit I was being Unreasonable"??

PS It's spelt PEOPLE not Peple

StayingDavidTennantsGirl - I think you may be right on that one

Have only briefly glanced through thread, v amusing but anyway

YABU, my MIL is currently in a comatose state and never likely to recover, DH and I are heartbroken, I love her as, well, not a mother, but a very good aunty.

That does not mean other people don't get to bitch about their insane IL's.

I expect you think DH agreeing with me and saying my father is an evil bastard who deserves to die a slow and horrible death is a bit 'over the top' as well?

Ilythia

It's shitty when the good ones get ill and the awful old bastards carry on...

Ilythia- only the good die young

I miss my late FIL a lot

There were things about him I did not like, as with MIL there are things that tick me off, at the end of the day In laws are just people and are as flawed as the rest of us, and as long as they are not wishing the children dead of dipping them in acid I think give them a break.

Some in laws are crap some parents are crap some DILs are hell bitches some Son in laws are fuckwits....

Weejie I don't see how you can generalise. Yes some people come on here to have a good old whinge but honestly, some of us do have in-laws who have done some unforgiveable things.

My MIL, for example, told my DH I would never be a fit wife because my parents are divorced and I am not a Christian. She then refused to come to the wedding. She judged me before even getting to know me and that, to me, is despicable. We have an ok relationship now, for the sake of DH and DD I make my best effort, but our interactions will always be tainted by what I know her views about me are.

Like a lot of the posters on here all I have ever wanted from my inlaws is to have a relationship with them and our children which isn't fraught with constant drama and manipulation ..
My inlaws are a total nightmare - we have recently moved house to get away from their toxicity .. tried to play nice dil for the last 17 years but there comes a point when we had to put ourselves first ..

It makes me really really sad that we have no relationship with them but if people constantly drag you down and hurt you isn't it right to remove them from your lives ?

I still hope against hope that they will come round to the fact that they are risking losing their son and gcs.. but so far no sign of that ..they just apparently really don't care .

We have to see it as their loss... otherwise we'd have ended up crazy !

Ilythia [hugs]

I love my FIL very much. he's far from perfect (hence I also love his new fiancee a lot too) but with normal family give and take he is a good eprson

MIL otoh is not

sad but true

She is a pitiful case- left in an orphanage when ehr Mum left for a long tiome until her dad collected her etc and I have much sympathy

But the minute she turned on my boys, that was that. had to be.

wtf are you on about weegie, "controlling DIL syndrome"? Is it controlling to think "actually I think I'll run my own life and you run yours, thank you very much?". The DILs life and her family's life are hers and her DH/DPs to 'control'. The onus is on the PIL not to impose themselves by disrespecting boundaries with their "well-meant interference". Plenty of PIL understand that very well and wouldn't dream of being controlling; it isn't a big thing to ask. "Well-meant interference" can be very corrosive to family relations. I write this as someone whose PIL are "just" difficult and very often irritating, not as one of the nightmare completely evil MIL stories that you now claim you weren't talking about.

'I wasn't referring to mental in laws, but patty and selfish daughter in laws who want the world to revolve round them, stop interpreting everything said through your prism.'

Then read your title OP.

And then also read wanttofly and now tell us what exactly you mean now. Also read a post on relationships where a mil organises a first birthday party for a grandchild not even inviting the mother of that said child. Then say that so many dils are not bothered setting up a relationship with them - your words - what do you mean?

ALso you make it sound like the PIL are just sitting meekly in their home wishing their big bad DIL would come round and make friends with them. Well, do you know what, maybe I'm in a minority here but I think that when your DC marry/set up home with someone, it is your duty as a parent to extend the hand of friendship and make them feel welcome in your family without putting all sorts of fixed expectations on them. Obviously the new DIL or Son in law likewise has an obligation to be friendly and fair and somewhat adaptable, but they are the newcomer. Too often I hear of PILs who prefer to judge and only want a relationship on their own terms. PILs who act like this are shooting themselves in the foot when it comes to their r/ship with GC as well as with their own DC whose loyalty is going to be towards their partner. I am not neccessarily talking about being cut out of their lives, I'm talking about a lifetime of pointless tension and conflict.

Giveitago - thank you for reading what I said.

You get it, do you think the OP might?

I think that is just about as likely as my house having a fly-by from the Queen's Own Bacon Squadron, botty m'love!

SDTG - - I think you are right!