to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful

[weejie]

After reading a few posts on here I feel sorry for all these Mother in Laws...

They seem to be generally interested, maybe a little over keen, but with a bunch of self pitying, whinging daughter in laws who think the world revolves round them, are passive aggressive, have not bothered setting up a relationship and are too pathetic to establish the boundaries in a nice way and come on here and moan instead.

Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren.

I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling.

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable, but am generally and regularly amazed at what people find to moan about, particularly as even with the spin they put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of love and interest.

Instead of moaning-start a thread about how great ILs to even it up.

I hate my MIL. We dont speak. She bullies me, insults me, she is racist agenst me, she told me her self that she is not bothered about her only grandson at all and has even forgot that he is a boy and got him pink toys to play with at xmas as well as letting her dog scratch my son and putting him in damager.

After all that i still arrange for her to have contact with my DS and my DH still talks to her. But i wish she were dead.

How dera you make a blanket statement when you have no idea about other peoples lives and the hell that these women put our families throu.

Ouch

I do think that there is a lot of stuff on here which I would not complain about - say MILs just taking an interest in ther grandchildren, which the op takes as interference.

But i would say a good proportion of people complaining about their PILs have a good point. There are some nutcases about.

YANBU, both my in-laws died over 5 years ago. My mil never knew her grandchildren and fil only knew them for a couple of years, so I wish they were still around in our lives.

Having said that, I think pil can be difficult as they tend to have different views on bringing up children which can cause tension. I can understand people's frustration with their pil, but you're right - count your blessings because they won't be there for you to moan about one day.

by the way - who said I found he world a nice place, or that I always get on with my in laws? sure they can be a wee bit irritating, but no more than the average in laws I expect, and certainly not needing the level of bile that gets pouted on relatively innocuous behaviour on here. Unless there is more to the story in all these cases and they only post the petty stuff cos the real issue is to traumatic to even discuss.

of course the world is not a perfect place, and perhaps those moaning should realise this and stop complaining cos everything doesn't go precisely as they want it, ie mil calling only at a time that suits them etc...

YABU

There are MNetters with truly appalling parents/inlaws.

There are MNetters with lovely parent/inlaws.

I am extremely lucky that both sets of parents are of the second variety, but I still moan about them sometimes.

And if someone has parents of the first kind, the truly awful ones, why should she not unburden herself here and receive some good advice on dealing with the problem.

Said weejie, moaning about the moaning. The irony.

YABU

and smug

Oops 2rebecca, guess I'm that person . I think the op was talking about the well intentioned pil who love and care for their grandkids, but whose interest is taken to be interference.

Come on you know full well you are BU. And unkind. Yes some on here are just whingeing over small stuff, but many on here have dysfunctional, damaged, even abusive relationships with in laws.

I think Freud needed to get laid. And possibly develop a few hobbies. Like cross stitch. Or chess. To keep his mind from wondering and buggering up psychiatry for the next 150 years.

read what I said.

I'm moaning about people moaning about well intentioned interference, the rest of you calm down, its not all about you.

FFS
Come back when your inlaws tell you you're selfish for not living in the same town and selfish for working. Come back when they've told your DH they're anxious for the welfare of your children because they think you're a Socialist!!!

I would give my right arm for inlaws who only wanted the best for DH and their DGC. Who came to visit and brought pressies and asked how the kids were getting on at school.

"well intentioned interference"

Is there such a thing?

"Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren"

Hmm who are you talking about then?

You might call it well intentioned interference weejie, but others could call it highly intrusive.

It might be positively intended, but actually unwanted and therefore intensely irritating.

YABU

YABU

You have no idea about the full picture of the lives that other people live and what is posted on here will not necessarily be the full picture.

I have been tempted many many times to start a thread on here about my now ex-MIL who is a wicked evil witch but it would identify me to anyone who knew me in real life.

And yes, she is a very very big part of why she is the EX-MIL

People come on here to vent and get support. Many times it isn't about WHAT is actually said, but HOW it is said - the tone and so on.

If you don't agree, post that you don't agree, no need to start a thread about it.

If you're moaning about people moaning about 'well intentioned interference', then why on Earth did you phrase the thread title as you did? You ask if YABU to think ALL the people moaning about their in-laws are selfish and ungrateful. And the answer is yes, you are. Of course.

If you want to roll your eyes and think that the majority of the in-law frictions posted about on MN are a bit petty, feel free, in a lot of cases the person posting would agree.

If you want to point out that people are lucky to have in-laws who want to be involved, crack on.

But don't phrase it this way, it makes you look bitter. I can relate, because sometimes it can be an easy trap to fall into. When I was a single parent sometimes I wanted to shriek at people moaning about their DH throwing socks on the floor. When my own Mum died I wanted to pound on all those complaining that they didn't want to ring their Mums because they always argue. Sometimes you want people to appreciate what they have. I get that.

But every time you feel that way you need to know that is YOUR issue, and step away from the computer. People can, do and will never stop agonising over the minutiae of life. It's all the details.

YABU - my PILs can be an utter nightmare. Completely self-absorbed, competitive and narcissistic. I have yet to forgive them for their behaviour at our wedding.

I wouldn't in a million years restrict their access to their GS though.

I learnt the smile and nod mantra from MN and that's exactly what I do when MIL asks if DS is going to choke every single time he has finger foods and other pieces of 'advice'.

FFS most MILs have a lot to answer for by bringing up spineless twats who can't put their wives first!!

my opening post was about the self pitying nature of many of these in laws threads on here, nothing you've said changes my mind on this - I find this makes Mumnset quite an irritating place to be...

OK weejie so ....

Self pitying am I??

God you have made me so angry.

If I posted on here saying

My MIL has said that she will always come first in her sons life and I will have to deal with that

Am I self pitying to be upset by that?

That I should consider myself lucky that my husband has done the decent thing and married me in my soiled (pregnant) state and there's no guarantee that the child is even his anyway and a girl the likes of me should get on her knees every day and thank the good lord for her precious son

Self pitying again?

"conceived in sin, born in sin, into this world a sinner condemned to die and burn in hellfire and damnation so help me god"

Again??

Do you want me to continue??

I would never post the whole horrific 20 plus years on here but I might post an isolated incident, and based on that I presume you would judge me to be self pitying

Sorry - the quote was first words to first grandchild