to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful

[weejie]

After reading a few posts on here I feel sorry for all these Mother in Laws...

They seem to be generally interested, maybe a little over keen, but with a bunch of self pitying, whinging daughter in laws who think the world revolves round them, are passive aggressive, have not bothered setting up a relationship and are too pathetic to establish the boundaries in a nice way and come on here and moan instead.

Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren.

I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling.

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable, but am generally and regularly amazed at what people find to moan about, particularly as even with the spin they put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of love and interest.

"my opening post was about the self pitying nature of many of these in laws threads on here, nothing you've said changes my mind on this - I find this makes Mumnset quite an irritating place to be... "

your first post says you mean a few posts. You seem to have taken those few posts to mean the vast majority.

Clearly there are lots of people here who have awful relationships with their In-laws and they are more likely to post than those who have lovely in-laws.

You've see a few and made a HUGE deal about it which is just a bit odd.

why let it worry you so much?

Like another poster said, why are you on here if you find it irritating, especially when people are just giving you well intentioned opinions.

We're just being nice, why are you taking it the wrong way? We're just trying to help. Some could think you're being selfish, self-pitying, pathetic and ungrateful whinger.

you've also changed from 'few' to 'many'

why?

"I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling"

was a particularly nast part of your first post. Why did you feel the need to say this?

nasty

self-pitying does not equal selfish.

well-intentioned does not always equal welcome, or even helpful in many cases - why be grateful for something that makes life more bloody difficult than it needs to be?

Over-keen interest can --> inteference which can be seen as undermining, patronising and generally suggesting that the younger generation really don't have a clue.

Anything that increases tensions between PILs and CILs is going to be a source of moaning, whether or not you feel it is justified in your opinion, OP.

If you don't like the threads, don't read them.

of ffs, read what I wrote bottyburpthebarbarian

I clearly said I was talking about the whinging about ooh she's phoning too much, ooh she wants to come and see the baby the day after its born instead of waiting till I say its ok type moaning.

as I said, its not all about you, I wasn't referring to mental in laws, but patty and selfish daughter in laws who want the world to revolve round them, stop interpreting everything said through your prism.

And have you thought OP that the threads complaining about their PIL on here might actually improve their relationships, if they take on board that perhaps they are being OTT?

I think a MIL that thinks she should see a baby asap despite the mother's wishes is a selfish bint.

weejie - i DID read what you wrote

FFS read what I wrote

I said, and I will say it again, I would not necessarily post about all the mental stuff but would phrase/post in such a way that I was not identified in RL to anyone that knew me, so that would, to clarify, of necessity, dilute what I was able to say and make it seem banal.

I might, for example, post something along the lines of "my PIL want us to come for Christmas dinner how do I get out of it"

I would never post the whole horrific vile backstory.

I've thought about venting about my mil on here. There's only so much nodding and smiling someone can do without feeling the need to just say it how it is. My lip is so firmly buttoned it's practically sewn up, in fact that's mainly how i handle her - I don't say anything.

Venting on MN is a lifesaver for a lot of people - if you personally don't like it - don't click onto the threads or simply don't use MN.

'I would never post the whole horrific vile backstory.'

Oh go on botty, you've drawn me in now

PosieParker - did you mean "against the parents' wishes", because you just typed "mother".

Just checking.

forgot to add YABU

YABU

I for one am not a saint, and neither are are my PIL or my own parents for that matter

"I find this makes Mumnset quite an irritating place to be..."

I think this is someone's MIL prowling and getting annoyed by the negativity hehehe!

Simples

LOG OUT, SWITCH OFF THE COMPUTER, ET VOILA!

Weejie.........tell you what, you can have my MIL for a week, see if you can put up with her without the need to vent off. Here's an example: We have had builder in for the past 10 weeks doing a downstairs extension that involves knocking through internal walls (Dust)and ripping up old tiled floors (more Dust)...I work, full-time and get home around 5ish.First thing I have to do when I get in is clean off the kitchen worktops so that I can prepare evening meal as said tops are covered in dust. Last Fri I was so knackered from work I got in and made myself a cuppa BEFORE cleaning.MIL arrives 5 mins later(unnanounced)walks into my kitchen and runs her finger along worktops and says"really , I would have thought you could have cleaned this first,I don't know how you can sit there drinking tea with all this mess around!" She's a right laugh I tell you.:(

"ooh she wants to come and see the baby the day after its born instead of waiting till I say its ok type moaning"

ah well, that's your opinion. Many women do n't want anyone to come and see their baby until they have had time to ajust. Different strokes. Some MIL insist on having their own way at the expense of the feelings of the woman who has just given birth.

Agent - I'm a regular, but I name changed to post something on another thread...

20 years of vile nasty viciousness

some of the edited highlights are above

but oh god there's more

lets see.........

If XH (as he is now) ever is ill and has to go to hospital in suspicious circumstances I will report you to the police for poisoning him

I will phone SS and have your children taken off you (because I didn't let DC2 do something first)

There's no life in a child until the 5th month (said after a MC at 18+3)

God always punishes them that sin that is God's judgment on you for having been pregnant before marriage - after same mc

Shall I continue - there's a load more lol

(V therapeutic this rofl)

"I think this is someone's MIL prowling and getting annoyed by the negativity "

oh fuck

Well mine wasn´t sure it was worth coming to see her first grandchild, born very prem., in case they "didn´t make it".

Why get attached?

TBH, I think I´m a saint for ever having seen her again.

Duelling - I think you could be spot on.

Do I give a fuck??

OP I will say it again, if you don't like those sorts of threads, or feel you don't like MN because of them, then don't read the threads, hide them, or don't come on to MN

Simple.

I can smell au de bitterness from a mile orf!

I was only joking, but wouldn't surprise me iin the slightest, i dont know anyone that really thinks that all people all over the world should and will get on!!! WShat a ridiculous notion

Fucking hell botty, you did well not to throttle the old witch, especially after her well meaning words after your mcs

AIBU to wonder why such an infrequent poster really gives a shit.

sorry I probably am.

Obviously this has riled the OP very recently given the fact that she's not bothered to mention her annoyance before in any of the anti-in-law threads themselves.

Agent - after I lost a twin to DD1 (DC3) she said "What are you crying for you still have the other one"

To which my reply was "If I'd just had my fucking leg cut off would you tell me it was OK I still had the other one"

Oh there is so much more I could go on and on and on

Called me a slut and a whore on the day I married

Wouldn't let me have the wedding dress I wanted because it was too white for my soiled state

didn't tell her own parents when DC1 was born, and in fact lied to them and told them DC wasn't born when he was 4 days old, cue very embarrassing phone call 2 weeks later (long story - there's loads more to that one lol)

insisted that christmas was always at her house, and meal was always on the table at a certain (early) time, even though this meant we had to be left our house with 3 Dc's at that point by 10am and the year we were 15 minutes late they had already started when we got there

Inviting us to family dinners and then when I got there no one and I mean no one but my own now XH and kids talking to me

And for a long time I tried and tried and tried to get XH to see that there was something wrong in the behaviour and he just couldn't see it not ever. never ever once did he stand up for me or his kids. Actually one of the main reasons we split.