to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful

[weejie]

After reading a few posts on here I feel sorry for all these Mother in Laws...

They seem to be generally interested, maybe a little over keen, but with a bunch of self pitying, whinging daughter in laws who think the world revolves round them, are passive aggressive, have not bothered setting up a relationship and are too pathetic to establish the boundaries in a nice way and come on here and moan instead.

Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren.

I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling.

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable, but am generally and regularly amazed at what people find to moan about, particularly as even with the spin they put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of love and interest.

It depends. YANBU for manyc ases but tehre are a lot of meanies out there and some are MILs.

My sister for example has a MIL who is mentally ill; within days of starting to date her son, future MIL was banging on my Mum's door (never met her before) screaching that BIL had taken her keys by mistake: I do mean screeching. When they came home from a joint holiday, her MIL kicked her heavily pregnant arse out of teh ar with BIL and a toddler son and drove off into the night four hours from home at 2am.

A whinge on here is deserved!

OTOH my other sister has a lovely MIL who can;t ever get it right- and I can never see the issue.

Mine falls in the middle- pretty evil tbh but not psychotic- expecetd DH to leave me and boys to move back with her when FIL left, tried to ruin my wedding, told my infant school age boys lies (and even if they werent!- but they were as DH witnessed the incident so we knew) about alledged DV from FIL to herself when FIL moved out. ca;led my SN son a freak thinking I couldn't hear.

But it could be worse (And we could live closer).

DH has chosen a no contact rule for himself though i''d never make him and would support any attempt to reconcil (actually I instigated the last one). But ultimately she's his Mum and as her DIL I refuse to evict her from the family. If dh does thats his call but not mine.

Botty that reminds me of my own nan

I loveed Nan, we had a good relationship and I miss her after a decade but she was truly a nasty MIL

She didn;t approve of dad; she sent Mum to a Grammar (am sure it was Mum who apssed the 11+ but anyway) to mary a nice doctor and Dad was a builder.

So she had this thing about how Mum could still do it if Mum remained chidlles.

To the extent that when Mum was on bedrest for a threatened still birth at Christmas following 3 other stillbirths, and told to get absolute peace, Mum had to go into hiding from Nan (as Nan had deliberately caused a fuss on previous occasions in the hope of a lost baby)

Yet Nan tracked her down and smashed her way through a door to get to her and have a go

Mum lost 4 babies in all to still births

SMA -

I know that xMIL believes that her precious son had nothing to do with me getting pregnant any of the 7 times I did (and ended up with 4 Dc's)

A grandparent does not have rights to their grandchildren outside of what the parents decide. Maybe it's harsh but it's true. If PILs want a good relationship with their grandchildren, the way to start is by maintaining a respectful relationship with their son and DIL/daughter and son-in-law. Not by creating resentment and making their presence in the young family's life a trial. Not by imposing themselves. Who is a DIL more likely to call upon for support and make a point of spending time with - a friendly, easy-going MIL who respects her, or a critical, condecending woman who sees her DIL as some incidental player standing in the way between her and her grandchildren? There are some PILs who see their child's partner as slotting into their family in a junior role, rather than as a competent adult in charge of their own family. I am so sick of posts wondering why everyone is so horrible about their poor old MIl when their own MIL is a nice old dear. Have no idea either why DILs who have a hard time are always predicted to be the ones destined to turn into controlling MILs themselves. Why is that? Is the assumption that because we consider ourselves (with our partners) the person in charge of our own family life as opposed to our PILs, that we won't want to "relinquish" our little darlings to a DIL one day? More likely that we learn from our PILs mistakes as they drive their children away with their bad behaviour, I would think.

Why did MIL have the veto on your wedding dress?

SMA - :( :( :( - that to her own DD.

YABU. Don't you read the threads properly? Virtually always, someone - or several someones - will point out that the DIL should try to see things from her MIL's side, and usually there is good advice. At worst, there's at least sympathy enough that the OP can get it all out of her system ... surely all of this is much healthier than the OP sitting alone fuming at her MIL and getting angrier and angrier?

Sonnet - she just decided I couldn't and phoned the shop and told them I didn't want that dress, I wanted the other one, I had changed my mind. We had 10 days from start to finish to organise the wedding so there wasn't time to sort it by the time we realised what she had done.

I describe dealing with her as like doing battle with a steam roller

another example - on my and xh wedding day...

the week before she had come to my parents house and demanded that her minister take part in the service. I said no, my minister has been so good about organising all of this, I have nothing against your minister, he is very welcome as your guest on the day, but I do not want him to take part in the service.

So, I get to the church, am walking up the aisle with my dad, and guess who is standing at the top, right beside my minister??

She'd told her minister it was OK, walked in half an hour before the service and said to my minister "this is rev x he'll be taking part in the service"

Steamroller.

In my defence, I was 20 and was trying to fit in, felt guilty I was pregnant and was trying to make it up to her.

Ah bortty my MIL tried to do that with our wedding photographer, phone them and say not wanted- we had tipped photographer off so failed dramtically (MIL wanted someone she knew who was a horticultural photograppher- er no. 'Come on everyone, smile... ooooh nice pansy. Ooops no sorry next time now smile again..... everyone say 'Hydrangea' )

Thumb yes to her own DD but she never saw past my Dad really and as a result was never really reconciled with Mum as a result.

Barmy......nope I meant Mother, the most important adult in the whole giving birth or having a section scenario. The mother is tired, trying to feed a baby, getting used to her body post baby/birth and it her decision and hers alone who visits.

Here here OP

Can't wait to see the chickens come home to roost

Ah yes Posey, well put, but what if said MIL bleats ... "but its MY grandchild, I need to see it, WE need to bond, I want to come and stay in your house, to "help" and get under your feet" - so not word for word, but pretty much interpreted as per her tone

Arghhh it gets my goat, because i know for a fact SHE would NEVER tolerate her mother or mother in law for that fact doing or saying this, but im supposed to?!?!

She slung her elderly (live-in / home owning) MIL in a home once her kids came along, couldn't and didn't have time for her and doewsnt have a decent word to say about her own mother, who i find is actually a lovely old lady - odd people these MIL's!! :o)

god you're all thick or mad!

I'm an ordinary person who can't believe the levels of petty moaning on here, not an MIL in disguise.

I'll add persecution complex to the charge of petty moaning

am not saying everyone should get on, just get a life.

Riven that is attrocious, i fail to understand people like this i really do, and someone talking about their own flesh and blood like that, its appalling, some people just dont care about anyone but themselves, and some of these people are Mother in Law's - FACT!

Thanks

I otoh am fat, my MIL is 6 stone, and constantly asked me to join her in a ladydies sald (two elaves and a slice of tomato). I said no, every time, and ate what the men did. Was VV funny.

Riven you are not fat, not in the slightest, not even if I squint hard.

-see people? told you

ha ha - way to win people round. Call them thick! Huzzzahh! You win the argument with your amazing powers of discussion and debate. Go You!

Some MILs can be cts but that goes for everyone in every walk of life.

I remember someone posting about their MIL who did masses and masses to help the OP and the OP was flipping out because the poor MIL had given the child some chocolate buttons

Some people have nothing better to do then make a fuss over nothing.

Riven, your MIL sounds like one the ranks in the c**t spectrum

My PILs, and MIL in particular, are fantastic (grammar wobbly there!). But they annoy me as I'm sure I do them. Why can't I vent? In fact I get on much better with them than my own parents and I feel I know my PILs better, so in a way its a compliment!

Mine is built like a hardcore russian weightlifter, all muscle bound and manly, with haircut to match

I have never been a stick insect, but dont whinge and dont care either, im happy and healthy

I was once sitting on the waterfront eating a mini bag of cashews and she proceeded to shout at the top of her voice, attracting the entire attention of the town population, how i should stop eating them, as i would be getting even fatter

That was my first visit to her's and its gone downhill since, she's a nasty old fish and i wont hear otherwise!!

For those of you who have never met Riven she is rather waif like, elegant and fucking tall!!!