to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful

[weejie]

After reading a few posts on here I feel sorry for all these Mother in Laws...

They seem to be generally interested, maybe a little over keen, but with a bunch of self pitying, whinging daughter in laws who think the world revolves round them, are passive aggressive, have not bothered setting up a relationship and are too pathetic to establish the boundaries in a nice way and come on here and moan instead.

Perhaps people complaining about mother in laws should think about the petty nature of what they are moaning about, and how lucky they are to have mother in laws who care and want to see their grandchildren.

I hope that when your precious baby becomes a parent themselves that you are not shut out by a daughter in law who sees your interest as meddling.

Yes, I probably am being unreasonable, but am generally and regularly amazed at what people find to moan about, particularly as even with the spin they put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of love and interest.

You wear anabaya not a six foot tent. I am right and you clearly are too fatigued, by being so waif like (and not by never having a good night's sleep) to judge.

Riven - you are NOT fat

OP - read what I said please and then do me the courtesy of actually replying to what I said in reply to you.

Many thanks

Don't think OP is going to be convinced.

My MIL (not really, as DP is DP not DH) told DP to dump me when I got pregnant and decided to keep the baby. I believe the phrase was 'get rid' of me. At the time, she also threatened never to see the baby.

She then organized a 'talk' which culminated in her calling me a 'spoiled little girl' amongst other things, and screaming at me that if I had the baby I'd be 'all alone', several times. This was in front of my own mother, who was horrified.

I WISH I had a MIL who wanted to spend too much time with the baby and spend too much time at my house and invited me to ridiculous things.

last time I saw you Riven you were wearing a sweater and a skirt.

NOT fat.

very not fat indeed.

bottyburp - you many be using a banal post to vent on the unpleasant situation you are experiencing without having to share the full story, but I doubt every poster with a banal story is just giving us highlights. They are probably just banal.

Anyway, you now feel comfortable about sharing the backstory as part of this thread - why not do that when you write your hypothetical 'how can I get out of xmas' post, which will give a fuller picture.

to the poster who commented on the chocolate button troy - spot on, just what I mean.

we all talk about PFB syndrome - I'm sure there is some kind of controlling daughter in law syndrome too.

and no, I'm not talking about those of you with harrowing mil stories, I'm talking about posts that moan about trivial stuff and certainly give no context to explain this.

you ask why I don't post - I used to a lot and got bored with so much moaning and entrenched fighting - breast versus formula, WAH v SAH, was just getting back in to things a bit but am now finding myself sick of the moaning, time to leave again.

Weejie - as I said, read my comments fully.

She is the EX-MIL

These things happened in the past and there is no need for me to ever go there for Christmas ever again thank goodness.

PS If you're not talking about everyone, it might've been an idea to phrase the title of your thread a little better - just some friendly advice, you understand, not interfering or anything

(The amount of people on MN) - (The amount of people with grievances concerning their MILs) = (Still a whole lot of people)

bottyburp - you were talking about a hypothetical situation, it doesn't matter if she is your ex - your point isn't massively relevant..

not sure about the tone of your PS - is that supposed to be amusing? wise?

why the aggression? this OP was nothing to do with you, I made that clear, but you've taken it very personally,

Weejie - if you were only meaning to comment on the daughters-in-law who complain about really minor things from really wonderful mothers in law, you should have said so in the title, instead of saying:

"AIBU to think all the peple moaning about their in laws are selfish and ungrateful"

You've then failed to defend this sweeping generalisation, and have had to backpedal in a number of posts.

You might also want to remember that even a trivial incident can be part of a far bigger overall pattern of similar incidents, and enough such incidents can add up to make a MIL's behaviour toxic.

I like reading about people's mad SILs and bitchy MILs. Makes a nice wind-down when the feminist threads get too heavy or confuse me. And I take it all with a pinch of salt and an assumption of 'poetic license' anyway.

Weejie - you just made my point for me

All I said was you should think about how you phrase your title of your post.

And you have taken offence and twisted what I said and now here you are on MN moaning and complaining about me when I have done nothing wrong

See???? Do you get it yet??

I wasn't talking about a hypothetical situation, I was pointing out that when I was in the situation, I would not have wanted to have been identified in RL so would have been very circumspect about what details/back story I posted so therefore the posts would have seemed banal.

all the people on here who I have read moaning about their MiLs - does that make it clear?

no backpedaling - I haven't read anything that seemed particularly justified

maybe I've not been looking hard enough

so 'all', means 'all that I have seen', perhaps I should amend it to (apart from some others which are of course entirely justified but I have yet to see )- would that make you happy?

yes, all - I didn't go back so far as got bored.

What about the person moaning about her MIL putting sudocrem on her son's burns having been told specifically (by the nurse as well as the DIL) not to use anything except the E45 cream, or moaning because their MIL feeds their allergic child something that they are allergic to? Are they not justified in moaning??

What about all the comments made to one of the posters on this thread? Telling her her child was concieved in sin and would always be a sin (or words to that effect), changing her choice of wedding dress because it was too white for her 'soiled' state? I think she's entitled to the odd justifiable moan.

I have seen plenty of stories on here where the Mothers-In-Law have behaved utterly despicably, and the DIL have every right to moan.

What about what Riven related on this very thread:

"yabu. My MIL sat looking at me in a wheelchair and dd who is severely brain damaged and said 'if I was like that I'd rather be dead'
dd has 'normal' understanding.
When dd was born she said 'get her adopted and then have a proper baby'

20 years of that plus the fact I grew up on a council estate and am fat which she never fails to mention."

Is she not justified in having a moan about that?

bottyburp - I've not taken any offense, and surprised you have

Well, I have been the victim of a vicious post about me by my SIL (not on here I might add but another forum). She wrote something completely ridiculous and twisted (a couple of days after my dad had died) and I bloody well read it - LOL ! She still hasn't really been able to explain why she was writing such twisted rubbish nearly a year on. Just goes to show that a lot of people post a lot of shit on forums ( and all the other posters were saying "gosh she sounds awful etc etc about me and truly it was all a pile of shit - maybe she was attention seeking?) and they are totally one sided with the other person having no opportunity to explain their point of view.

I think the OP has a point, and most people who have lots to moan about in others generally aren't particularly lovely themselves. What is that saying? Something on the lines of "love your neighbour as you would love yourself"

Weejie - the tone of my post came out of care and interest, maybe I was a little overbearing or a little over keen but I am getting the impression that you think the world revolves around you, you're being a bit passive agressive and now you're on here moaning about me.

After all, shouldn't you be thinking about the petty nature of what you are on here moaning about and thinking how lucky you are that I care enough to guide you on the title of your thread.

I am generally and regularly amazed at what you are finding to moan about, particularly as even with the spin you put on it the behaviour, even if somewhat overbearing, comes out of care and interest.

Snap, Riven!

dear god, read my OP again and you'll see I wasn't taking about cases like this

SDTG - agree entirely. Some of the threads on here are and have made me realise that mine could be much, much worse.

SDTG - agree entirely. Some of the threads on here are and have made me realise that mine could be much, much worse.

But you said pretty clearly that you hadn't read anything that seemed particularly justified - so it seems reasonable to point them out to you, as you felt you had simply not seen the justified ones (or that's how I read your post of 17:53:54.

And in that post, you again said that you were talking about:

"all the people on here who I have read moaning about their MiLs - does that make it clear?"

Yes - it is pretty clear you are talking about everyone who moans about their MIL - not just those with unjustifiable moans.