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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I found a pair of judgey pants I never knew I had...

152 replies

strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:25

Just had a girls night in, talking about how we make up formula and getting into the usual debate about how to do it. I don't really care much..until my mate said 'I just make the batch in the morning and leave it out on the side in the kitchen so I know it'll be at room temperature when she wants it'. My judgey pants came and found me, I get that there's a million and one ways to do it...but that's just going too far isn't it? So for the first time ever I told someone how I think they should bring up their own child. Simply because I rather like the child and don't want harm. AIBU to temporarily morph into one of those women who actually cares how others parent? Or is it always a no no?

For the record I said (with surprise)

"You can't do that, it's so unhealthy..do blah blah' and stuff along those lines.

OP posts:
arses · 07/08/2010 22:29

What happens if you leave it out on the side in the kitchen? Is it very different to milk? How old is the baby? We have one formula feed a day and only use ready made cartons so don't know a lot about it..

It depends. If it's something that could kill a child, YANBU to give info but YABU to say 'you can't do that, it's so unhealthy..' - something a bit less judgey pants like 'Oh right yeah, I think I read somewhere that's a bit dangerous though? I can't really remember the details, have you asked your HV about it? I'd love to know myself..'

honie · 07/08/2010 22:30

Long time since I had bottles to worry about - I used to put the powder in the lid, then just mix & shake when needed - BF most of the time while I could though, DS was Lactose intol though.

I see why you judged, but did you just express concern at freshness or did you tell her how you would do it?

ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 22:31

What colour are your judgey pants? Is there a lace insert?

fedupofnamechanging · 07/08/2010 22:32

I would also have pointed out that it is likely to make her baby ill. As she didn't know, I think it is better to say something, but tactfully.

Original poster
strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:33

I think surprise let a hint of judginess in tbh.

Her daughter's 10 weeks old and even I wouldn't fancy drinking the bacteria grown in milk left out for 12+ hours.

OP posts:
honie · 07/08/2010 22:33

Just read last line. Sorry - think you may have put a really good point across in a potentially 'big I am ' way. If I was your mate I would be Sad & Angry

mumblechum · 07/08/2010 22:34

If your girls night in consisted of talking about boring old formula, (and it's finished already), I think your judgy pants are the least of your worries!

Could you not have ordered in a ton of tequila and a male strippogram?

Original poster
strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:34

My judgey pants are frumpy as anything.

She KNOWS it's wrong, she used to fridge them but decided it was too long to heat them up. She's far from thick.

OP posts:
SingItBack · 07/08/2010 22:34

YANBU to morph into a judgey pants, as I would not do this with DS2, although do loadsa stuff 'wrong', but mebbez YABU to tell your friend how to parent

Original poster
strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:36

mumblechum, girly night does involve ds in next room so not that exciting. Getting pissed might result in a messy nappy change later and his presence at one point did lead the fun conversation away....

Girlie night more in the pre-teen sense.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 07/08/2010 22:37

No, it's important that people understand the new(ish) guidelines on making up formula (water must be over 70 degrees when it's mixed with the powder to kill the bacteria in the powder) etc.

You may have to practice your approach though Grin

Monty100 · 07/08/2010 22:38

YANBU

She wouldn't leave her own milk for her tea or coffee or cornflakes out all day? Well, I wouldn't.

I think they are ok out for an hour as far as I remember, other than that they should be refrigerated.

honie · 07/08/2010 22:38

That's really bad. Does she not understand how bad a tummy upset can be for a tiny baby?

I had PND and was not the mum I would be to a baby if I did it again now - but to knowingly risk a baby for a shortcut? Could she be struggling/depressed?

honie · 07/08/2010 22:40

Chipping, I last did it 7 yrs ago, and that certainly wasn't advised then - infact you could buy bottles with 'powder pouches'. Learn something new !!

sterrryerryoh · 07/08/2010 22:41

tricky ain?t it? The thing is, I believe that one of the main reasons that FF gets such a bad press is because some people don?t prepare or store it properly, which can lead to it causing health problems. it?s a really bad idea to leave the made-up formula out on the side. You?re not supposed to make it up in advance at all, but if you do, then it should be chilled very quickly and stored in a fridge. it?s not hard to get it up to temperature quite quickly, if you plan it properly. I don?t think you were being too judgy - when I first had DS, loads of people gave me lots of advice. Sometimes I got a bit Hmm when I felt patronised, but I?d never done it before, so was grateful for their experience. Maybe she just didn?t know the problem with what she was doing, in which case you were just being a good friend. How did she react?

wukter · 07/08/2010 22:46

A little tactless, but not wrong in what you said.

FWIW my judgypants have a reinforced gusset

Al1son · 07/08/2010 22:49

YANBU. Can you imagine how you'd feel if her baby ended up seriously ill from it and you hadn't said anything?

I hope she gives it a bit of thought and starts chilling them.

Original poster
strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:51

My ds has been ill with stomach problems so probably a bit tactless tbh.

She wasn't impressed and told she knew how she 'should' do it and it was her choice not to, her baby 'hadn't got ill anyway so wouldn't anyway' as 'I've been doing it for weeks now'

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrycake · 07/08/2010 22:52

The thing is she used to chill them, but decided it took too long to heat them up.

OP posts:
wukter · 07/08/2010 22:54

My friend had a great system.
Chill 4 oz of boiled water in fridge.
When bottle was due use 4 oz of off-the-boil-water, and mix with 8 scoops, top up with the chilled water.

Not so good when out and about for fine for home.

Al1son · 07/08/2010 22:55

Well her baby will be fine until she's touched a door handle with e-coli on it just before she does the bottles. Let's just hope for her sake that never happens.

MumNWLondon · 07/08/2010 23:01

Its very easy to be judgy pants, I guess am in respect of those who FF in general. But I would never say anything.

Its a fine line but from what you said it sounded as if she knew it was wrong but couldn't be bothered Shock so probably you shouldn't have said anything.

And even if she didn't know it wasn't a great idea, think how you felt on the other thread when others were less than complimentary about the soya formula. Is it so different?

SingItBack · 07/08/2010 23:02

strawberry does she not put them in the microwave? 20 secs max is all it takes

LucyLouLou · 07/08/2010 23:03

Oh this is hard. I think for now you can only really hope you put doubt in her mind about how she operates. If you haven't, not sure what you can do tbh....Confused

Valpollicella · 07/08/2010 23:05

If you are going to go against the guidelines then plunge the lot into iced water in a bowl or whatever so they cool really really quickly.

But even then, there may be bacteria present that will multiply at the rate of knotts when heated...Confused

Why pull your Pants of Judginess on for FF mums, MumNWLondon?