I found a pair of judgey pants I never knew I had...

[strawberrycake]

Just had a girls night in, talking about how we make up formula and getting into the usual debate about how to do it. I don't really care much..until my mate said 'I just make the batch in the morning and leave it out on the side in the kitchen so I know it'll be at room temperature when she wants it'. My judgey pants came and found me, I get that there's a million and one ways to do it...but that's just going too far isn't it? So for the first time ever I told someone how I think they should bring up their own child. Simply because I rather like the child and don't want harm. AIBU to temporarily morph into one of those women who actually cares how others parent? Or is it always a no no?

For the record I said (with surprise)

"You can't do that, it's so unhealthy..do blah blah' and stuff along those lines.

bler bler bler
the OP was about a daft woman leaving milk festering on the counter for a day. no judgement was made on the fact that it wasn't from her tits.

Really MumNW? As someone who had no option but to feed her tiny baby with formula, I was constantly aware of people looking down their noses at me. At some groups, people would openly ask me why I wasn't ?interested? in BF, and there were lots of well-meaning (no doubt) HCP who didn't know my situation, who felt it was their duty to shame me into breast feeding. As a new mum, the knowledge that people were judging me (silently or not) made me very troubled

Oh yes that's right, of course, because mothers of newborn babies are brimming with energy and confidence and are readily able to disregard as unhelpful any opinions that come their way.
Look - the op was askng about a particular incident in which she was judgey and did something about it. You on the other hand have extended that point in to some sort of justification for your judging of many, many people about whom you know nothing (but heaven forbid that stop you) and repeated said judging several times. Now to top it off you're claiming people shouldn't be bothered by other peoples views of them.

You're really living in your own little world there aren't you?

I wouldn't comment about anything to do with another's choices to be honest.

People do what suits them and what they find to be ok. No amount of concern is ever likely to change that whether you think it's right or wrong...

No, the point I was trying to make to the OP was that we are all judgemental about others parenting styles all the time. The FFing was just one example (and in hindsight of course I should have used an exammple that was less emotive - I didn't give reasons initially as I was just using it as an example) but there are loads and loads of other examples right here on this board - one this evening about someone being judgemental about someone else letting 6 YO listen to ipods for example.

Its each mothers choice what she feeds her baby. I might choose to breastfed, someone else might crush digestive biscuits into formula to make the baby sleep better, or about heating formula in the microwave, someone else might offer coca cola to a toddler in a bottle. Someone else might choose to leave their bottles out all day long.

The OP choose to say something and then was upset as the mother didn't take her comments well. The other mother was right to be p*ssed off - its not acceptible to comment on others parenting styles in any circumstances. I mean how would she like it if someone else had criticised her for not breastfeeding?

MumNW, whilst I see your point, I don't think you can compare the OP (asking whether telling a friend that she is potentially putting her baby at risk by storing formula feed unsafely is judgemental) with judging a woman's choice (or lack thereof) of how she safely feeds her baby.

I think if you can see a danger for a child and believe it's possible that the parent cannot see it you are right to call their attention to it. The parent in this case had decided she couldn't be bothered to chill the bottles but I still wonder if she is aware of how micro-organisms behave in milk stored at room temp.

She clearly doesn't understand that the fact she hadn't manage to grow any nasty food poisoning bacteria in a bottle was pure good luck and didn't mean her DD was immune.

I would also feel obliged to raise a concern because I would want somebody else to tell me if I was putting my child at risk of serious harm without realising it.

sterrryerryoh I think its a fine line, but provided the other mother knew that leaving the bottles out on the surface all day wasn't recommended then i still stand by what I said, that its (ok to think judgemental thoughts, we all do) but its never ok to say them, even if what the person is doing seems to you to be really wrong - unless its your child who is at risk.

FWIW I might have said something like "that sounds convienient but I'm too neurotic about bugs in milk to do that myself".

MumNW ? I agree ? we are all judgemental in different ways, and I guess it's how we express it?

Wow...I've seemed to have accidently started a ff/bf thread. I've personally now developed a think skin about the fact I couldn't bf.

I wasn't rude to be fair.

MumNW - a lot of people who give formula have had no choice but to do so, which is why it's unfair to judge. It's like judging someone for being poor or having a cold.

Arses - wish I hadn't said anything now, was only making the point that at times we can all be judgemental. Of course I am not judgemental on those who have no choice.

OP: I wonder whats safer - mixing powder with cool water and serving immediately or making in advance with water at 70C and leaving on the side all day. Do any of us acutally know????

MumNW- I'd do neither!

I like wukter's idea, so the boiling water kills the germs but the cool water makes it cool enough that the baby can drink right away. which is good so you dont have a screaming baby whilst trying to cool a very hot bottle down as fast as poss.

MumNW if you were a friend of mine, I'd rather you judged me in person for ff a newborn, rather than not saying anything. Then at least I would know what kind of person you are.

I am pretty sure I wouldn't drink milk that had been left on the counter all day let alone give it to a baby/kid and I have quite low standards indeed.

Riven if a few real nasties survive the boiling water they could multiply when it's lukewarm to make a toxic soup. Most bacteria aren't really nasty and if your hands and the bottles are really clean you are probably safe. However I wouldn't risk it with milk because it is such a good growing medium and the effects of things like e-coli can be so devastating.

Sorry if I sound really preachy. Maybe I'm too paranoid. I've been very ill from food poisoning as an adult - a very unpleasant experience.

we use these Riven - www.mothercare.com/Tommee-Tippee-Insulated-Bottle-Bag/dp/B0012RTU60/sr=1-1/qid=1281264492/ref=sr_1_1/279-2790523-1512567?_encoding=UTF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=44557031&mcb=core

Sorry Riven!

Icepacks from the freezer should do the trick. I freeze bottles of water to put in my girls' lunch boxes.

Couldn't school put it in a fridge for you and warm it just before she needs it?

Riven your DD has special milk though doesn't she to keep the carbs down?

Just go with the instructions that come with that, I wouldn't think formula instructions would apply because they are such different products.

Good point.

See what it says in the instructions or email the manufacturers maybe.

Sorry Riven. Didn't mean to give you something extra to stress about.

I remember being so stressed because I had packed two bottles of ff for the babe and DH, one to be used 1st, important cos of time make up etc. Then him, the twizzle, giving her THE WRONG ONE! I fretted for days, she was fine, but you really need to be so careful, for your own sanity as a new mother as well as health for babes. The guidelines (even if they change every year) are there for a reason, and should be followed as far as is reasonably possible.
And MumNW tried so damn hard to BF didn't work with either, will forever be grateful FF stopped my darlings starving so judge all you want, and good luck to you.
Riven, sure is fine!