I found a pair of judgey pants I never knew I had...

[strawberrycake]

Just had a girls night in, talking about how we make up formula and getting into the usual debate about how to do it. I don't really care much..until my mate said 'I just make the batch in the morning and leave it out on the side in the kitchen so I know it'll be at room temperature when she wants it'. My judgey pants came and found me, I get that there's a million and one ways to do it...but that's just going too far isn't it? So for the first time ever I told someone how I think they should bring up their own child. Simply because I rather like the child and don't want harm. AIBU to temporarily morph into one of those women who actually cares how others parent? Or is it always a no no?

For the record I said (with surprise)

"You can't do that, it's so unhealthy..do blah blah' and stuff along those lines.

I would never say anything, and for the record will probably switch to formula when I go back to work when he is 6 months old, but when I see newborns being bottlefed I can feel judgemental.

This could be dangerous for her baby so of course you have to speak up.

Even if she didn't fall on your neck in gratitude, maybe she will think about what you said. Hopefully before her baby ends up in hospital.

This thread will turn into a BF/FF bunfight and upset lots of people.

Fair enough.. you're allowed to feel it as you wouldn't say anything, but I'm sure you realise there may be any number of reasons why they may have to FF, like medication/mastectomy etc?

Yes I know there are reasons not to breastfeed eg my friend who had severe PND and needed medication incompatible with BFing, so generally am only (quietly) judgey when I know thats not the case. Others will be judgey of me as I plan to stop at 6 months.

MumNW why can you feel judgey about newborns being FF?

oh dear? so many reasons why people FF - some by choice, others not. Why judge?

There is absolutely no point in judging people unless you have the balls to tell them where they think they're going wrong. Judging them and keeping it to yourself in an excess of smugfest is rather tiresome tbh.

Al1son Sat 07-Aug-10 22:55:51
Well her baby will be fine until she's touched a door handle with e-coli on it just before she does the bottles. Let's just hope for her sake that never happens.

I'm sorry, but that doesn't make any sense to me at all

The bateria is/can be in the powder - it's the powder that needs to be mixed with water over 70% to kill it. You can then top up with cooled boiled water.

honi things change and unless someone tells you, you don't even think to question something you 'know', that's why lots of people are still doing it the 'old' way.

well presumably she could touch the teats etc with an e coli hand and then leave them all day to colonise?

I would have thought it was obvious why I am judgemental. Because breastmilk is best for babies. There was a thread on this (not started by me) fairly recently, so no need to go into it again.

link to other thread

Yes I know there are reasons why people can't. But most women can breastfed thats what we have evolved to do.

Interesting article

Yes perhaps its smug to keep quiet, but I can control what I said not what I think, and sometimes restraint is better.

oh bler, keep it to yourself, this is not the subject under discussion.

can you tell by sight, then MumNW, who has chosen to ff?
And even if you can - what's it gotta do with you?

Most women can, sure, but it is thier choice whether to or not. And none of us are in a position to judge, as we just don't know what that persons circumstances are.

Back to OP, I kinda would have done the same but made a jokey ref as to how I wouldn't have (cows) milk sitting out all day on the counter and how my OCD'ness about food etc would mean i wouldn't drink it...

Not much else you can do unfortunately when people choose to disregard wholesale the guidelines :(

Why, why, why?

Seriously. I ebf'd my darling boy with ++ interventions and expressing round the clock and all of that, kept at it for months with my breast-is-best mantra rolling around in my head... until my baby who was 98th centile fell off the charts and, at 23 weeks, was advised to start solids ASAP and give 1 x formula top-up per day.

Two months later and he is 75th centile. He hadn't even doubled his birthweight a month ago.

All that worry and heartache that there was something terribly wrong with him, hours and hours of feeding and expressing round the clock, being terrified that my "brilliant" breastmilk would dry up and the alternative would cause him unspeakable harm.

In reality, like it or lump it, he was starving on my breastmilk. God knows why, but he was. He is still getting 4-5 bfs a day, one formula and solids.

So you would have judged me, MumNWLondon, just because you could?

Lots of bugs everywhere, in the air, on our hands, on bottles etc; and milk is one of the best culture media in the world ... so leaving bottles of milk out at room temperature is pretty much guaranteed to grow bugs.

Luckily most of the bugs will be harmless - or none of us would be here - but it could be awful if a nasty one arrives and then has all day to multiply.

Tricky though... because I can't think how you would say "Look, this is potentially dangerous" in a way that was non-judgemental AND honest. Easy enough to be one or the other, but hard to be both I think.

Arses - No of course would not be judgement of you, I am mainly judgemental of those offering newborns formula without really trying.

Let's face it we all are judgemental.
-Someone people will be judgemental about others not making up formula fresh each time using water at 70c.
-OP was judgemental about her friend leaving milk out all day.
-I might be judgemental about someone who FF their newborn.
-Others will be judgemental of me as I will introduce formula at 6 months when I go back to work.

Its all about learning when we should say something and when its best to keep quiet.

Yes 'when it's best to keep quiet' includes on the internet you numpty! Seriously - who do you think you're helping here with your definition of 'really trying'? I breastfed all of mine for years - I have no axe to grind at all but with statements like that you are upsetting a lot of people - some postinga nd some no doubt just lurking.

lol northerlurker. exactamundo.

and WEEEELLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIE!

wellsaid northernlurker!

Hello Aitch

And what northernlurker said.

Northern...Best.Post.Ever

Northern Lurker - Only said here because OP was specifically asking about judgeypants.

As I said someone else started a thread about this recently (being judgemental about seeing someone FFing newborn), I would neither start a thread on it or comment like the OP did if someone wasn't making up formula correctly.

But OP specifically asked about being judgeypants, so I was just trying to make point that everyone at times is judgeypants. So what. Someone else pushed me into giving reasons.

Find it slightly that anyone would get upset or even care that some random person out there is judgemental about them formula feeding.

OP, I'm afraid that I probably would have had my extra large judgy pants on, tbh. I can't believe that your friend thinks that it's such an inconvenience to heat up the formula! It doesn't take that long!

I might have said something too.