to think that actually, a wedding ISNT her all about the bride, and ISNT only her big day, but that of the families?

[ladysybil]

I really dont understand why people think that a wedding is the brides big day. can someone explain this to me please.

It's usually about the bride because she's thought about this day for a long time.

Of course it's the brides day. Get over it.

Having worked as a wedding co-ordinator for 4 years I would say it is deffo the brides day

Bride's day all the way. Can't wait for mine...

just bride and grooms day with most decisions made by bride

I've recently attended a wedding in Scotland. Neither Bride nor groom Scottish, they just wanted a romantic location. This involved a 2 night stay in a Hotel, plane fare for 4 people, boarding kennel for dog, new clothes for all because the bride wanted the guests colour coordinated to fit her theme ffs and there was nothing on the wedding gift list for less than £100. Weddings, I bloody hate them!

Sue52 im ed that you went to the wedding.

why co=ordinate the guests clothes? bizare!
No gifts for less than £100 , thats just gready.

When I accepted the invite I didn't think it was going to be as trying or expensive as it turned out to be. Peoples expectations for their weddings have certainly changed since I got married. When the DDs get married I'm going to be the most uninvolved Mother of the Bride ever.

I think the problem is that when the couple plan these ambitious events, they think that everyone will love it as much as they do. After all a weekend in Scotland in a beautiful location is probably lovely. But they tend to forget that for people not directly involved it's just not such a big deal and the cost and hassle may well be just too much.

I am with those who say it is about hosting.

At a Typical Irish Wedding you have to invite everyone and his dog and then make your way around the room having the same conversation with them about where you are going on honeymoon, staying (relatively) sober as they get progressively rat-arsed.

It's a community event and while the gold-sprayed pears or individually iced cakes may be murderous fun to organise, I personally feel they should play second fiddle to the more important rituals of the day: being received as a married couple by your family and community.

I was more than happy to see the day as a Big Day Out for friends and family vs as a day for my husband and I: these are the people who made us who we were as a young couple getting married, who would be there for us in the future to share our everyday joys and sorrows. The wedding day is so hyped - the marriage is the thing.

Having said that, if you have no family and want to elope (whether to Wigan or Hawaii), I have no issue with that. I do, however, find bridezillaness tiresome and cringe-inducing. I'd bet even the most committed Bridezilla probably looks back with a degree of shame on her insistence that all the bridesmaid's knickers co-ordinate with their hair accessories or the raging feud they instigated with their (ex-)best friend who couldn't put off labour for a week to be there on her Special Day.

I think a wedding is primarily about the couple (bride AND groom, not just bride!!) and their commitment to each other (in the sight of God in my case, but do delete if not relevant to you!).

"But I also believe that getting married often, for a lot of people, means joining and being accepted by one another's families. It means telling all your family and friends 'I'm not just in love with this person but I also want to make a life with this person and for us to become our own family' (whether or not that includes having children). When I got married I was really lucky - my DH's three sisters were bridesmaids and I really think of them as sisters now. I felt I was promising his family to look after him and be worthy of him, and that he was promising my family the same for me. We wanted them there not only to celebrate with them but because our marriage meant more within our families." -

Takethatlady, I couldn't agree more. My OH and I are getting married next year - because we can't afford to get married now. We have a little one on the way and are in the middle of buying a house so there is no spare money for weddings. Personally I'd be quite happy to nip down to the registry office and get married in jeans and trainers for all that fripperies etc mean to me, but I understand that there is a certain obligation for CLOSE family members to bear witness to me and my beloved declaring our love and commitment to each other. I'm hoping our wedding will be a small and intimate event with only immediate family (parents and siblings) present, and a slightly larger reception to include close friends afterwards. What's the point in spending thousands and thousands of pounds on one day - FFS the amount people spend on a wedding could be a deposit on a new house which IMO is a much worthier buy! As a matter of interest, my cousin is getting married in a few weeks, and appears to have invited everyone he and his WTB have ever met. Their demands have extended to asking EVERY man present to wear tails, which has infuriated my father and brothers who will have to fork out a hefty amount for these. Surely marriage is about saying to the main person in your life, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want to tell those that matter most to you that I am going to do this". At least, that's what it means to me. So in (long rambling) reply to the OP, it shouldn't be just about the bride, it should be just about the bride and groom. Anyone who is invited to bear witness should be honoured and share in their special day. To spend thousands on matching napkins (and tails!) and make ridiculous demands on your guests seems to just be completely missing the point of the whole celebration. If you just want a big party, throw a big party. You don't have to get married as well! Harrumph!
steps heavily off soap box

I am getting married in 2 weeks and my fiance and I have done most of the organising together. yes it was me that handmade all the invitations, bought the stamps, sent them out, did the research for the music and honeymoon etc, I wanted his input with every decision because I didn't want it to be just about MY day, I wanted it to be about OUR day. I wanted to make sure he was happy with everything just as much as I was. So he helped me design the invitations, he's helped with the guest list, the table plan, the food, the music and I'm happy that this is the wedding we both want.

With my bridesmaids, (I'm having 2), I know one of them hates having her hair up, so I've said she can do what she likes with her hair. For their dresses, I wanted them to feel comfortable on the day, so I've let them choose their own, all I did was choose the colour (but making sure they were happy with the colour). I also made sure they could choose a style that they could then wear again to a summer ball or something similar. I told them they could choose whichever shoes they felt comfortable in.

And as for family and friends, my mum has isn't paying for the whole wedding, just a small part of it, but I wanted her to have a say in things because I'm her only daughter and she'll only have 1 wedding (hopefully!) to host.

It's nice to have close family and friends to our wedding, but both my fiance and I agree that this wedding is about us, and bringing our love together, and its nice to have our family and friends to share that day with us. We don't have a lot of money so unfortunately we won't be having favours on the tables, or expensive wine or champagne. but hopefully our friends and family will understand and be happy with what they get.

It's threads like these that make me wish I could get married without the wedding. I hate fuss and can't stand the fact that no matter what me and DP want it is being made into a bigger and bigger event. And even better, it's us who have to organise all this stuff that we really don't want to do.

I'm thinking of going shopping on the day, the guests can enjoy the event without me having to be there

greenbanana: sorry, wasnt digging at breastfeeding! just comparing guests really! a guest dependant on the mum, or a guest you might be guilted into inviting cos of family commitments.
and as i only invite people i actually love and want to my wedding, a breastfeeding baby would be great as long as his mum [my best friend for example] came!

Hey kaloki I know what you mean. But even though I said that a wedding was partly about the family, I didn't mean in terms of 'hosting' or pleasing them - I just meant that a wedding is about the marriage, and about becoming more to one another than just a lover - and for lots of people that means becoming part of each other's families. But that doesn't mean the day should be about pleasing them. They should be honoured if they're invited and keep quiet if they're not! (They never keep quiet).

Just do what is right for you. If that means not getting married, or nipping to the registry office on your lunch break, or having a huge wedding with everyone who serves you in the supermarket present, just do it. Everyone else can bugger off!