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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that actually, a wedding ISNT her all about the bride, and ISNT only her big day, but that of the families?

141 replies

ladysybil · 07/08/2010 15:15

I really dont understand why people think that a wedding is the brides big day. can someone explain this to me please.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladysybil · 07/08/2010 16:02

kerry, i am very glad i am not going to be invited to your wedding then, if that is your attitude to guests.

i think what flightattendant said is a good way forward.

as for my kids. If my sisters kids were made to feel unwelcome at her wedding, whilst her dh's sisters kids were feted, then that would irreparably damage my relationship with her. (but that wouldnt happen in our personal case) so, yes, i think the kids thing is important too

OP posts:
ladylobster · 07/08/2010 16:04

If it wouldn't happen, then why are you banging on about a really particular situation re your sisters kids and his sisters kids... i doubt anyone would go out of the their way to make a particular child feel unwelcome!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 07/08/2010 16:10

So this thrwd is about nothing at all in fact, completely ficticious situation, right, Hmm

Original poster
ladysybil · 07/08/2010 16:11

kerry and lady lobster, i did have my own wedding, and i did do what i wanted, but i was also a decent host, and ensured that none of my guests was made unwelcome or uncomfortable in as far as i had any control over things.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladysybil · 07/08/2010 16:12

the kids bit was explaining what i meant about families, and cousins. why ar eyou picking up on the least important part of the issue?
kids are only one sort of guest. babies, aunts, uncles, neighbours, all are guests and can be considered families. why are there soooo many people who think that the only important people on the day are the bride and groom?

OP posts:
MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 07/08/2010 16:16

I think that if you really don't care about other people, then you can always go to a registry office and pull a couple of strangers of the street as your witnesses.

Guests need to be treated with respect and good hospitality, especially as many will have forked out quite a bit on the present, clothing to look nice in your photos, and transportation/hotel.

unfitmother · 07/08/2010 16:16

YABU and a bit odd.

ladylobster · 07/08/2010 16:17

Because, as defined in the good old collins big bad book

Marriage noun - The act or ceremony by which two people become husband and wife

Two people, not aunty freda, uncle george, the old bat from next door, long lost cousin freddy and an assortment of dogs

KerryMumbles · 07/08/2010 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hocuspontas · 07/08/2010 16:19

When I go to a wedding I go to take part in a special day for the bride and groom. It's not about me or my family it's about them. I have been invited to celebrate the union of two people. If I get a meal, a laugh or some decent booze then that's a bonus. End of.

MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 16:20

I object to the whole idea that it's the bride's day. there's 2 people in a marriage FGS. we paid for it all ourselves apart from some of the clothing which my mum bought.

I was talking to a friend about weddings yesterday and told her that she really mustn't worry what other people think - they want their wedding dinner thing in a pub and why the heck shouldn't they?!

I remember somebody telling me how they had the most beautiful wedding, hundreds of people etc. they hated it, all they wanted was a tiny ceremony (much like DH and I had) - but they gave in to pressure :( I mean you only plan to get married once, it should be how you want, within reason (none of this bridezilla crap) - but BOTH of you not just the bride.

RunawayWife · 07/08/2010 16:21

It is the bride and grooms day, no one elses

hocuspontas · 07/08/2010 16:22

Grin at assorted dogs

sfxmum · 07/08/2010 16:22

ladySybill it is the princess syndrome

MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 16:24

oh and now I've given my tuppenceworth I'm going to show off what an utterly reasonable person I was for my wedding. My then 10yo stepdaughters (i.e. DH's DDs) were my bridesmaids. one of them hates to be girly and was worried about wearing a dress, though she would've done if I'd made her. my mum thought I was crazy for this (outfits not matching) but I let DSD wear what she wanted. while her twin wore a gorgeous red dress, DSD wore black trousers and waistcoat with a blue fitted shirt. she had a flower in her hair and a pretty brooch my mum let her use. so what if she wasn't in a dress? she was comfortable and happy and actually she looked totally beautiful :)

HelenaCC · 07/08/2010 16:30

YABU. A wedding is the couple's big day. Its nice for the rest of the family to be involved but only on terms set by the bride and groom. As for other parts of the family becoming related, well related by marriage means as much or as little as you want it to. Its just some relationships get a formal name (the ILs) which is often helpful. For example, I always called my DH's mum "MIL" even before we married as its the easiest shorthand for our relationship.

As for your 'bigger concept of family' I belive one day isnt going to make you into a family. Its your interactions over a longer period that count.

LoveBeingInBed · 07/08/2010 16:31

Why does everyone have a problem with it being the brides' (and grooms) day? Surely their families should want it to be about them and their new life together.

tittybangbang · 07/08/2010 16:34

If the meringue dress, hundreds of £££ worth of flowers, and all the other expensive crap that goes with modern weddings weren't all about 'show' (ie - there for the benefit of other people seeing them) I'd be more inclined to take up the idea of 'it's all about the bride and groom'. If it really is just about two people entering into an important social/religious/emotional contract with each other than why the heck don't more of them do it without all the expensive, pointless wedding accoutrements?

(btw, there's an article in today's Guardian about 'narcissistic' weddings - couldn't agree more).

Kaloki · 07/08/2010 16:36

KerryMumbles your post made me smile! It's true!

TrillianAstra · 07/08/2010 16:38

YANBU and YABU.

YANBU to think it isn't all about the bride.

YABU to think it is about their families.

It is about the bride and groom. Everyone else's presence is optional.

tribpot · 07/08/2010 16:39

Guardian article.

TrillianAstra · 07/08/2010 16:41

What Kerry said here

"there is a difference between being a good host and making your wedding day about everyone else"

Link to the narcissistic weddings article please?

MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 16:42

totally agree tittybangbang

we spent very little. I had my perfect dress - blue satin empire gown, £100 from debenhams! which my mum embroidered with flowers :)

I also had a headdress of white flowers - unconventional but who cares what anyone else though, I got it as a surprise for DH as he'd mentioned in the past that he'd always imagined me wearing one :)

I think it is about the bride and groom and nobody else, but there is a distinction between not letting families interfere, and going totally nuts and obsessed with every little thing as per the 'bridezilla' term.

MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 16:43

thought not though Hmm

edam · 07/08/2010 16:48

Agree that the bride and groom have a duty to behave like good hosts. One of the things I enjoyed about my own wedding day was being surrounded by people we love who wish us well and I did my best to make sure they had a lovely time.

I was so up in the air I completely forgot that we had a top table - there was no seating plan as such, we had a buffet lunch with people choosing where to sit. But we did have a table laid out for immediate family. Only I got chatting to my wonderful Godmother and forgot all about the top table, just grabbed a seat and sat nattering to her. My stepmother perched at the top table all on her own! Grin