Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that actually, a wedding ISNT her all about the bride, and ISNT only her big day, but that of the families?

141 replies

ladysybil · 07/08/2010 15:15

I really dont understand why people think that a wedding is the brides big day. can someone explain this to me please.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 07/08/2010 16:50

i think it IS about the bride (and groom)

a wedding is about getting married. it's about those TWO people joining together, and having a celebration about it

they can do that however they so desire.

people can grace them with their company if they want

KerryMumbles · 07/08/2010 16:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

forehead · 07/08/2010 16:51

The sooner brides realise that the wedding is NOT all about them, but about the family the easier their lives will be.

sanielle · 07/08/2010 16:59

YABU it is about the couple. Family don't even have to be there. How selfish to assume itsn't about them but about their families!

Kathyjelly · 07/08/2010 17:03

IMO the wedding and the marriage are about the couple (and subsequently, their children. If they want to do it in fancy dress in a hot air balloon then that's their business. I can think of numerous examples where assorted other family members have tried to wreck a marriage before it even happens. Couples go ahead in spite of, rather than because of, the wider family.

And equally, when a couple choose to live together rather than marry, it has bugger all to do with anyone else.

I think the OP has a rather unrealistic view of some families.

BarmyArmy · 07/08/2010 17:04

I had a friend who was told by her Aunt on her wedding day morning, "What you need to understand is that today is all about your Mother"!

Original poster
ladysybil · 07/08/2010 17:06

some people are assuming that i think the wedding is about the family. i am not saying that. what i am saying, is that it isnt only about the bride, or even only the bride and groom. neither is exclusive.

if so many on mn think that its only about the bride and groom, then why are there so many threads on here complaining about bridezillaness?

OP posts:
Rocky12 · 07/08/2010 17:08

At our wedding 15 years ago (yikes!) we didnt have any children, It was a 1630 wedding, champagne on the lawn and then dinner in the hotel. I really didnt want children, it was a formal occasion and only 30 people were allowed at the hotel we chose. Very fortunately we didnt have any family yet that had little ones - we did have a rather odd boyfriend of my SIL. As he loved to drink the place dry we had a free bar and brandies etc but anything more had to be paid as the guest ordered it. He got quite drunk but ended up with a massive drinks bill - hey ho...

I am thinking now with all the children in the family that we wouldnt get away with it again.

I do think the bride and groom should decide what they would like for this special occasion. What next the guests deciding who is coming, a vote on the food by all the guests??? If you really dont like what they are arranging ie they dont invite your children or ask everyone to dress in red they you could always not go......

smallwhitecat · 07/08/2010 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Flisspaps · 07/08/2010 17:42

I'm with Kerry/Val etc

It's not about the family, it's about the bride and groom.

And no, your children will not be cousins to your sister's husband's brother's children.

emptyshell · 07/08/2010 17:47

I sense the OP is trying to armtwist a couple into doing what THEY want - and when they're not getting their own way they're trying the "fairmly" (in Eastenders accent) card.

You don't like what the COUPLE are doing - don't go.

HelenaCC · 07/08/2010 17:48

A wedding can be all about the bride and groom whilst still taking care of guests (eg. making sure they are well fed, well watered and reasonably comfortable and entertained). I still dont think that all the wishes of family or other guests can be taken into account. There has to be a deciding vote, and it usually comes down to what the bride and groom think best (or parents to an extent if they are paying and are given the choice)

pigletmania · 07/08/2010 17:50

YANBU its not only about the bride, but the groom, they are the two most important people there. Its because they are getting married that there is a wedding in the first place. They are paying for it too so yes it is about the two people not just the bride.

fluffles · 07/08/2010 17:51

i've given up on our wedding being about us.. we wanted very small and quiet but a whole bunch of rellies, absent fathers, step rellies etc have all invited themselves and put the emotional blackmail on so whatever, they can do what they like.

at least the marriage will be our special thing, even if the wedding isn't.

MrsC2010 · 07/08/2010 17:52

It is about the couple, not just the bride. It is about the families to an extent too, it was certainly my parents' day and my MIL's (FIL RIP). You cannot possibly host a wedding without taking into account the considerations of your guests.

DuelingFanjo · 07/08/2010 17:53

obviousky no one wants to make people feel uncomfortable but OP I don;t really understand what you mean.

If I had had bridesmaids and had chosed the kids of one sibling but not the other, would that have been wrong? Surely choices like these are entirely up to the bride and groom.

3Trees · 07/08/2010 17:59

We are getting married in OCtober, with our DS there too, and friends, but hardly any family

For US the day is an important special day for US, for the THREE of us as it is about slightly changing the public perception of our relationship.

As for whose day it is, our relationship and our relationships with our guests will endure way beyond one day, so we have tried to ensure that the actual DAY is one that EVERYONE there will enjoy and remember as a happy, special occasion.

DillyDora · 07/08/2010 18:24

Yes, it's their day, and/or her day

wukter · 07/08/2010 18:27

Of course it's about the b&g who the hell else?
Aunty Mabel can come if she wishes, to meet her opposite number, (her new ..um..cousin?)but if she doesn't there'll still be a wedding.

You can have anice special day the way you want it without being a bridezilla about it - fgs isn't that what everyone does?
Bridezilla is such a snide tag put on anyone who dares match their shoes to their dress.

mazzystartled · 07/08/2010 18:36

i sort of agree with op
the marriage is all about the bride and groom
but if you want other people there to celebrate and witness, it's got to be about your friends and family too

minipie · 07/08/2010 18:50

Look, for most weddings, there is no conflict between bride and groom and family/other guests.

that's because most brides and grooms want their family and guests to enjoy the day and make every effort to ensure they do so.

the conflict arises when a guest wants something that the bride and groom really don't want. for example, if the bride and groom don't want children there and there is a guest who wants to bring their child.

if there is a conflict, then someone has to compromise. It should be the guest that compromises. What the bride and groom want is more important. It is their wedding day.

slowshow · 07/08/2010 18:57

Well, I'm getting married in a month and I don't think the day is all about me. It about me and my almost-husband. Our families will meet and mingle for the first time, but I don't consider it their day, and nor would they, I imagine Confused

when my sister gets married, her future dh's siblings kids will become cousins to my kids

Er, no.

Your sibling's children are your children's cousins.

dmo · 07/08/2010 19:00

so on my 30th Birthday if i had a party and invited all my family and friends the party is not really for me its for my family Hmm

Flighttattendant · 07/08/2010 19:06

I think if people expect you at their wedding they have to treat you as their guests, not their servants.

Forehead summed it up nicely.

'The sooner brides realise that the wedding is NOT all about them, but about the family the easier their lives will be.'

There is tremendous pressure on a bride to get it all 'perfect' and matching up to her lifelong dream of how her wedding ought to be.

This is what causes the bridezilla phenomenon. When will people realise that an event can't be planned into being perfect? The feeling has to be there.

You can't make a cracking Irish pub by calling it some pretentious name and sticking leprechauns all over the walls.

You can't make a wedding 'magical' by having matching stationery and poncey photography.

It's all a matter of the people involved, the weather, and LUCK Smile

greenbananas · 07/08/2010 20:07

If weddings really were all about the bride, mine would have been very different! Large parties freak me out and I hate being the centre of attention but DH said his parents would never forgive me if we didn't have a big do. It was dreadful and I still cringe when I think about it - we were so skint that everything had to be done on the cheap and it was really tacky. Not my thing at all! However, we are still happily married Smile