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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

one of DS's ex supply teachers is on DS's facebook

131 replies

stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 17:40

Im.finding.it.a.bit.wrong(sorry.about.the.dots.my.space.bar.has.just.fallen.off)

DS is nearly 12 and i know shouldnt have fb.yet but i monitor it hence my noticing this woman on his fb, i didnt think this was allowed regardless of whether she still taught at DS's school or not..

She taught him for most of yr3 and he has jsut going into yr7 so almost 4 yrs later she makes contact....

Ihave just had a call from ds's hm as i tried to reach him and he is going to tell her to remove herself from DS's fb immediately and any other pupil she may have befriended

AIbU to be mystified and a bit rattled by this womans behaviour??

OP posts:
Feenie · 06/08/2010 22:05

stoppininattwo It's extremely, extremely unlikely, but it could be the same teacher here - find it difficult to imagine more than one person that loony, tbh. Are her initials LT?

maryz · 06/08/2010 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Feenie · 06/08/2010 22:08

Bugger, I mean LF - can't believe I made a typo there, what an eejit. Blush

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 22:16

Feenie...no this one is JS...

but I remember her being very strange,DS certainly didnt look her up....he didnt even know her first name even if he did want to find her on fb....several of his class mates have also been approached

OP posts:
Feenie · 06/08/2010 22:23

What a pair of lunatics!

SomeGuy · 06/08/2010 22:42

maryz: that is not the reason, the reason is the Children's Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998, a US law requiring verifiable consent from parents for children disclosing personal data online. Xanga was fined $1m for violating this law, and basically many websites just say 'no under 13s', rather than go through the hassle of collecting paperwork.

I doubt facebook could care less about children being groomed TBH, they do it because it's the law.

androbbob · 06/08/2010 22:44

SA2 - loons anonymous on here - you post a reasonable question and get slated, but it is IABU! Some posters are so smug beyond belief!

For what it is worth, I am sure that each child matures at different ages and two 12 year olds are not the same - there must be some 15 year olds who are no brighter who have FB accounts.

I believe the age limit is that under 13's are classed as minors and FB collect data from their site and it is illegal to collect data on minors.

You know your own child and it is up to you to decide when is the right time to start social networking, but it is quite odd that a middle aged woman seeks out former pupils.

I do not have curent work colleagues on my FB as I dont want them to know what goes on outside of work and for the same reason I limit posts on friends pages where other ex and existing colleagues keep in touch.

It does throw up the interesting topic of giving your DS a lesson on the dangers of the internet and how everything may not be as it seems on face value.

maryz · 06/08/2010 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SomeGuy · 06/08/2010 22:49

loons? androbbob, you have to LIE to sign up to facebook. Children have a whole lifetime to post their 'status updates', if they don't want under 13s on facebook, they shouldn't be there.

If children want to communicate and you feel as a responsible parent that they are old enough, by all means by them a mobile phone or whatever, but you've no right to allow underage children on a website that prohibits them.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2010 23:08

Interesting that so many believe that it was the teacher that approached the child.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 23:10

BBJ....it was the teacher who approached my DS..........simples.Smile

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 06/08/2010 23:13

just to clarify

did you see the invite?

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 06/08/2010 23:22

Does he play Farmville or similar, maybe she just wanted him as she needs to up her neighbours on a game so she can expand.

She maybe thought it was OK as she taught him years ago and at a different school so is unlikely to see him as a teacher again.

ravenAK · 07/08/2010 02:07

It's pretty daft for anyone to have underage FB friends unless they know the family, & know the child's parents are monitoring the account & are fine with the friendship.

(I know some would argue that under-13s shouldn't be on FB anyway - I disagree - but they certainly shouldn't be accepting friend requests without parental overseeing.)

If you're a teacher, you have even more reason to be 'Caesar's wife'. I wouldn't even send a friend request to an adult ex-student (although I'd probably add them if they friended me) much less anyone under 16 at the very least.

I think it'd be a good idea to send her a polite message, from your own account, explaining that you've deleted her from ds's friend list as you prefer his friends to be restricted to people you know. Whether you add to that that you would expect a teacher to be more circumspect is up to you...

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 07/08/2010 08:21

BBJ just to clarify...no i didnt, but DS didnt know her first name and following yesterdays discovery I spoke to DS's friend's mother who confirmed that he too had had an invite which she had rejected

So I would be forgiven for thinking the same of DS....plus the fact that DS told me he accepted her request...what reason wold there be to thin otherwise?

OP posts:
Original poster
stoppinattwo · 07/08/2010 08:22

stripey...you may be right, I hadnt thought of that Smile

OP posts:
Violet5 · 07/08/2010 08:39

My daughter has a teacher on her fb and so do a lot of her friends,some have several taechers and teaching assistants, past and present.
I also have a friend who is a teacher and who has several ex pupils on her friends list.
They exchange the odd comment but nothing more.
My daughter only uses the laptop in front of me,her privacy settings are high (with some people not being able to see her photo albums etc) and i keep a close check on what she's doing on there.

At first i thought it must be very unproffessional of teachers to have students as friends but as it's become so common round where we live i guess i've got used to it.

I think like with anything you've just got to keep your wits about you and apply a bit of common sense,if you suspect anythings a miss then delete and block !

nottirednow · 07/08/2010 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 07/08/2010 09:01

and what is wrong with wondering why a teacher makes a friend request with my DS....you class that as paranoia??....i class is as monitoring my sons fb Hmm...and if she has nothing to hide she should welcome a bit of questioning

OP posts:
nottirednow · 07/08/2010 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Feenie · 07/08/2010 09:09

Internet safety is a hot potato at the moment - all teachers would know that friend requesting children who are ex-pupils is dodgy practice at best.

violethill · 07/08/2010 10:44

A few thoughts:

  • it is not illegal for teachers and students or ex-students to communicate via FB. LEAs will issue guidelines about managing this, but they are exactly that: guidelines.
  • in practice, many secondary school teachers are in contact with ex students as a way of keeping in touch in their later careers, providing references etc. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it's above board
  • in practice, many secondary school teachers have a lot of trouble with current students trying to befriend them, even though they have been advised that this is inappropriate. I have also had students try to reach me via my teenage children. It's very irritating. The problem of pupils trying to stalk teachers is far more widespread than vice versa!
  • it's pretty odd for a middle aged woman to want to contact an 11 yr old - I don't think anyone has disagreed with that
  • the fact is, that if the ex teacher had met the OP's son in the street, she would probably have stopped to catch up, and no one would bat an eyelid. If the OP didn't happen to be there, there wouldn't even be a documented record of the conversation, so in that respect you could argue it's potentially more risky than FB, where it's possible to track records. We need to keep things in perspective. FB is simply a 21st century means of communication. It's essentially nothing more sinister than that. Yes, it's open to misuse, but so is any form of communication if you so choose.
  • the reason a lot of people have lost patience with the OP is her quite spectacular double standards. Ok, so at the worst, this ex supply teacher looked at the guidelines, but decided not to follow them, because she saw no harm in just catching up with pupils she taught several years ago before they move on to secondary school. She made her own judgement rather that follow the guidelines. which is EXACTLY what the OP did - looked at the FB rules, and decided she was going to make a judgement call to not follow them. I think it's very odd to question others' 'flexing' of the rules when you are quite happy to do it yourself.
Original poster
stoppinattwo · 07/08/2010 11:05

Oh violet what a good post I completely agree....but spectacular....I am flattered

OP posts:
violethill · 07/08/2010 11:07

Really.... ?
Maybe you need to get out more.
Or open a FB account Grin

Sassybeast · 07/08/2010 11:10

The teacher is naive but so are you. The policing of his account is obviously not very effective if she was able to get herself added to his list before you noticed . What if it had been someone potentially more damaging ? Hopefully your heads up to the headmaster will mean that the school will start to hammer home the message about internet safety a bit more harshly to young children - as it obviously seems to be bypassing the parents Wink