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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

one of DS's ex supply teachers is on DS's facebook

131 replies

stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 17:40

Im.finding.it.a.bit.wrong(sorry.about.the.dots.my.space.bar.has.just.fallen.off)

DS is nearly 12 and i know shouldnt have fb.yet but i monitor it hence my noticing this woman on his fb, i didnt think this was allowed regardless of whether she still taught at DS's school or not..

She taught him for most of yr3 and he has jsut going into yr7 so almost 4 yrs later she makes contact....

Ihave just had a call from ds's hm as i tried to reach him and he is going to tell her to remove herself from DS's fb immediately and any other pupil she may have befriended

AIbU to be mystified and a bit rattled by this womans behaviour??

OP posts:
Feenie · 06/08/2010 19:35

Why not? The 10 year old at our school knew it was wrong straight away (but then we do a lot on internet safety).

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 19:35

unfitmother....i wasnt responding to you Smile

Violet....you are deliberatley nit picking to justify your arguement and you knwo it....

13 is the age,and we comprommised that my choice, imo for good reason, i now have theopportunity to discuss the merits of accepting friend on fb with my
ds....

im notndefending my choice to break fb rules it was wrong and i accpet that

.......................................

OP posts:
violethill · 06/08/2010 19:36

At 13 most kids in their right mind would be thoroughly embarrassed at a middle aged ex teacher trying to add them.

There's a big difference between an 11 year old just out of Primary, and a year or more into Secondary.

slimmingworldmum · 06/08/2010 19:36

This reply has been deleted

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Lulumaam · 06/08/2010 19:37

depends so much on the child. I know some v immature teens. and some v v mature ones.

if it was a male teacher adding a 12 year old girl, heads would be farking rolling, never mind nit picking about the age of joiningg FB

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/08/2010 19:40

No, the reasonable answer comment was directed at me. You've got plenty of reasonable answers, just not the ones you wanted on every occasion.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 19:45

maisie...that is correct i was respondingto your question Smile...If i was wanting a paricular answer i wouldnt post on here...the diversity of mn is its attraction - there were posts saying it wasnt unreasonable to add a pupil on fb if you were a teacher - .....mn is however sadly tarnished with a few "perfectly balanced" individuals

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/08/2010 19:48

As you say, the diversity of MN is it's attraction. You can't have it all ways...

foxytocin · 06/08/2010 19:51

Facebook I imagine sets the age limit at 13 because that is the legal age partly because a conviction for grooming of a child for sexual purposes at 12 or below carries mandatory prison sentence, for example. I can imagine that FB wants to protect itself from the legal blow back from a potential case involving a below 13 minor. Parents need to put this sort of law into perspective on how it can affect them from their side of the coin.

I'm only saying this so people out there can respect FB's right to protect itself.

As a teacher I don't want ex-pupils on my FB account as they may have siblings who are still in school and siblings may see my page.

clemetteattlee · 06/08/2010 19:53

I am a former teacher and have a number of my ex-pupils on Facebook. All of them bar one are at/have left university/college and requested me rather than the other way around. The one that is school age is 13, but we are in contact via facebook because he supplies my children with stick insects. He requested me, I saw no reason to say no because I know his parents and there is nothing on my facebook that would put me or anyone else in a compromising position.

I agree it is a bit odd to "request" children though.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 19:53

Diversity is having it all ways?

I think your wine is kicing in....I shall laeve you to your lambrini...Grin

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/08/2010 19:58

Lambrini? Wow, haven't seen that in years...

greenbananas · 06/08/2010 19:59

This teacher is naive at best. I have a teacher friend who, years ago, got into awful trouble for responding to a pupil who messaged him on a social networking site. He only talked to her about homework etc. but her parents found the messages and he had the police call to caution him. Months and months of dreadful stress and guilt and he nearly lost his job.

Even if this teacher's intentions are totally innocent, she needs to know that it is completely inappropriate.

Oblomov · 06/08/2010 20:06

The fact he is 11 is worrying. The thread last week, made the distinction, although i realsie not relevant in this case, but interesting, the differencce between 11 and 12 re statutory rape and consent.
So in that sense there is a difference between the significance of 11, 12 or 13.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 20:11

Oblomov...what is interesting and something that I hadnt thought about

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 06/08/2010 20:13

Well I'm with you on this stoppin. Weird and inappropriate given his age and the fact she hasn't taught him for ages.

Thinking about it, the teacher is probably my mad SIL-she does this with loads of her pupils. And if it is, you definitely don't want the silly doxy on your son's FB.

Oblomov · 06/08/2010 20:19

Its just that I, myself had not realised the difference and significance in terms on law, between 11 and 12. consent. and then say 12 and then 13, the age restriction of facebook.

I had not previously known this. thats all. i suspect i may not be the ONLY one to whom this had not occured.

foxytocin · 06/08/2010 20:43

i mentioned something of the sort at 19.51, oblomov. Smile

peppapighastakenovermylife · 06/08/2010 20:45

I am a lecturer (so everyone is over 18) and I don't add students (past or present) to my FB account!

Oblomov · 06/08/2010 21:00

i know foxy. your post was just what i was thinking. i was just agreeing with you.

Original poster
stoppinattwo · 06/08/2010 21:01

Noted foxy Grin

OP posts:
SomeGuy · 06/08/2010 21:34

NO facebook for 11-year-olds.

YABVVU to allow that.

oblmomv there is no difference between 11 and 12, the difference is between 12 and under and 13.

SomeGuy · 06/08/2010 21:36

my ds' school has reminded parents that children should not have facebook accounts, and frankly your hm missed a trick by not telling you of the same and giving you a damn good telling off.

Encouraging children to lie is not good.

roundthebend4 · 06/08/2010 21:40

i have former teachers on mine but im wrong side of 30 and got talking to some at reunion and there sonly 9 years between us

, but i would not be happy if any of ds former teachers added him at 13

FallingWithStyle · 06/08/2010 21:48

Do you know for certain that she requested him and not the other way round?

I'd be very surprised that the teacher would remember one of many pupils from 4 years ago.