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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset and miffed that my 'bestfriend' is ignoring me and has deleted me from facebook because I told her I was pregnant!!

118 replies

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 23:00

I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago and who do you so desperately want to tell first? - Your bestfriend (in my case anyway!)

She already has two healthy children with her previous bf and is now trying for a baby wwith her dh. Theyve been trying for just over a year and I have been really supportive.

I told her via text...like all my other pals tthat i was pregnant and really happy and said that i hope she was happy for me.

Shes ignored me so far and ive found out this evening that shes deleted me from facebook.

Ive always been there for her and incredibly supportive when noone has....I feel like i should feel guilty over becoming pregnant but my dp says that shes just jealous and incredibly selfish. Shes nasty to anyone who has anything more than her and is always cutting you off mid convo to talk about her.

Is her ignorance a blessing and an escape from an incredibily selfish person, or should i feel guilty for being pregnant whens he isnt? I broke the news as sensitively as possible and i had to tell her...as she is my head brides maid and i dont think a surprise bump would have gone down well with my best mate!

upset and grrrr at being treated like this!

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/08/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 23:03

Ive begun to seriously ask myself that question!

OP posts:

thegoodishlife · 04/08/2010 23:04

So she has 2 children already? No idea why she would be jealous. Very odd.

YANBU to be angry/miffed but YABU not to get on the phone to her or go visit and find out whats going on.

FallingWithStyle · 04/08/2010 23:05

Good riddance!

Sad obviously, but you don't need that kind of friend.

scurryfunge · 04/08/2010 23:05

Congratulations!

Ignore her, she is bitter and clearly not a true friend.

Vallhala · 04/08/2010 23:05

Why on earth should you feel guilty? Goodness, PLEASE don't.

Congratulations!

If your friend's behaviour is going to gnaw at you, could you ask a mutual pal for advice and support?

If you feel you can ignore the "friend" and instead concentrate on your soon to expand family, then maybe it would be best to do that and let her come round to realising how unpleasant she has been.

larks35 · 04/08/2010 23:06

If she really is your "bestfriend" then why don't you call her and talk about it. I have to say that if I knew a friend of mine had been ttc for a while then I would probably call rather than text to announce my pregnancy!

However, you go on to say that she is selfish and annoying so maybe nothing lost?

mumof2children · 04/08/2010 23:07

i would be miffed if my best friend decided to tell me by text that she was pregnant after she knew i was stuggling ttc

charleymouse · 04/08/2010 23:07

yabu she is trying to conceive and you texted her rather than giving her the courtesy of a call. Think your message sounds a bit harsh to be honest. Of course she is happy for you but gutted for herself and new partner, and being told she should be happy for you sounds a bit much to be honest.

Ladyanonymous · 04/08/2010 23:07

Any "friend" who deletes you from FB without even having a discussion with you is no friend.

skidoodly · 04/08/2010 23:07

You told your bestfriend (sic)

"thatt i was pregnant and really happy and said that i hope she was happy for me."

by text?

She's your bests friend, she's been trying to get pregnant for a year, you are up the duff, you tell her by text, make a point about how happy you are and tell her you hope she is happy for you?

She's not the only selfish person in this friendship clearly. Sounds like you two deserve each other.

pigletmania · 04/08/2010 23:07

She has done you a huge favour, at least you know how she is really like, congratulations by the way. A true friend would be happy for you and would want to share in your special time.

Original poster

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 23:13

i dont see why i ow her a phone call...she got told just like everyone else and doesnt pick up her calls anyway...a mutual friend of ours is backing me up and reassuring me of her irrational behaviour towards me so i feel a little bit better but im afraid her current behaviour towards me, i cant excuse. Maybe me calling her my 'bestfriend' is too strong but she WAS a 'good'friend but then again thinking about it...i was the 'good' friend being there for her.

I completely agree with you 'Ladyanonymous' - any friend who randomly deletes you from fb is defo no friend - how extreme and childish!

OP posts:

cherryteat · 04/08/2010 23:13

My best friend was a complete cow when I told her I was pregnant. I also had a really awful pregnancy and couldn't turn to her for any support. She has since apologised and met a lovely man & is now trying for a baby. We are still friends but our friendship will never be the same again, her jealousy was so obvious she didn't pretend to be happy for me. I do think you were being a little bit U by saying "I hope you're happy for me" when you broke the news.
Congratulations though!

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/08/2010 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pigletmania · 04/08/2010 23:14

fgs the bf already has 2 children, this might by the ops first. I would be more sympathetic if the bf did not have any children and was ttc.

Original poster

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 23:15

crikey skidoodly, who rocked your boat??

i will communicate with my friends how i like...how am i selfish telling her good news? oh and i dont like your disrespectful expression of 'up the duff'. I dont think a beautiful thing like pregnancy should be called such an awful thing...term for someone like you but defo not for me.

hey, maybe i should fix you and my ex friend together - i think youd suit each other - both attitudes stink.

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/08/2010 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

skidoodly · 04/08/2010 23:16

"A true friend would be happy for you and would want to share in your special time."

That's bollocks.

One of my best friends miscarried just after I got pregnant with DD1, and before I had told her my happy news. She had been trying for years to have a baby.

I'm certain that my falling easily pregnant on my honeymoon was totally fucking gutting for her. I don't think she was remotely happy for me and nor did she want to share my "special time".

For various reasons I had to tell her by phone rather than in person and I still feel guilty about that, even though she got pg soon afterwards and has a DD nearly the same age as mine.

She's a great person and a wonderful friend I love very dearly. Life was being shit to her then and I don't see I would have been any kind of friend to demand superhuman acts of selflessness from her.

I think you have a cheek expecting other people to be happy for you when life is being tough on them. Cut them a break and let them feel pissed off if they need to, it's not personal.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/08/2010 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pigletmania · 04/08/2010 23:19

We are desperately ttc a dc 2 after a m/c last year, if my close friend announced she was pg I would be hurt and upset for my situation but not say anything to anyone. The bit in your text where you said 'I hope that you are happy for me' is a bit . People should be telling that to you that they are happy for you, not vice versa.

FallingWithStyle · 04/08/2010 23:21

But,skidoodly, its not a 'superhuman act of selflessness' to not delete agood from fb fro being pregnant (I'm not terribly familiar with fb but I gather if its something you use then deleting is a rather strong statement of intent).

Also - of course its personal!

It's bizarre behaviour.

FallingWithStyle · 04/08/2010 23:23

Yes, op - while I definitely think your pal is a freaking weirdo and you're well rid - I do think the "i hope you're happy for me" line is a bit odd. Did you expect her not to be happy?

pigletmania · 04/08/2010 23:24

Well skidoodly my close friends are not like that, they would genuinly be happy for me if I was pg

mumof2children · 04/08/2010 23:24

i wasn't happy at all when my sister told me she was pregnant, i was ttc for serveral months by then for my 2nd dc....i felt angry bitter and resentful.

i think having a child already, i knew wha i was missing which made it worse.

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