to be upset and miffed that my 'bestfriend' is ignoring me and has deleted me from facebook because I told her I was pregnant!!

[adamandbump]

I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago and who do you so desperately want to tell first? - Your bestfriend (in my case anyway!)

She already has two healthy children with her previous bf and is now trying for a baby wwith her dh. Theyve been trying for just over a year and I have been really supportive.

I told her via text...like all my other pals tthat i was pregnant and really happy and said that i hope she was happy for me.

Shes ignored me so far and ive found out this evening that shes deleted me from facebook.

Ive always been there for her and incredibly supportive when noone has....I feel like i should feel guilty over becoming pregnant but my dp says that shes just jealous and incredibly selfish. Shes nasty to anyone who has anything more than her and is always cutting you off mid convo to talk about her.

Is her ignorance a blessing and an escape from an incredibily selfish person, or should i feel guilty for being pregnant whens he isnt? I broke the news as sensitively as possible and i had to tell her...as she is my head brides maid and i dont think a surprise bump would have gone down well with my best mate!

upset and grrrr at being treated like this!

op firstly congrats.

i wouldnt worry she does not seem like the kind of person i would want to bother with.

support works both ways, maybe she should pull her head out her arse and realise the world dont revolve around her.

enjoy it and ignore stupid comments.

is this your first?

Who the fuck knows why she deleted this woman from Facebook?

The OP has no idea whether the two things are connected.

My post was an answer to piglets general thesis of what should be expected of a good friend.

I wouldn't expect feats of subhuman self-awareness from the OP TBH

adamandbump - I'm sorry but you said 'I broke the news as sensitively as possible'. No you didn't, you sent her a text! No wonder she is annoyed with you.

Her being selfish, rude, moaning about people behind their backs etc is an entirely separate thing. If you really were her friend then you would at least have picked up the phone to tell her.

skidoodly - sub-human maybe, super-human no

"Well skidoodly my close friends are not like that, they would genuinly be happy for me if I was pg"

Really? All of them? Even if they were staring a life of childlessness in the face and were utterly devastated by the thought of it?

I don't know, I don't know them.

I know my sister felt entirely different to my friend in similar (but not ever as hopeless) circumstances and was always happy (genuinely) for anyone (and there were a lot) who got pregnant whilst she was struggling. TBH, I think it helped her a lot to not ever get bitter or resentful.

I think you can be a good person who struggles to be happy in those circumstances.

You seem to be casting aspersions on the character of my friend, which is . She really is a very good friend, and I'm sure she would have come around eventually even had not her situation changed for the better. But I don't think her reaction (which I understood, but was entirely unsaid) spoke ill of her, it just reflecte her pain.

Difference being she isnt bloody childless is she

nah, OP, it was callous to text and to dictate that she should be happy for you. saying that acknowledges that you know it might be hard for her... so therefore knowing that you should have told her in person.

it is unimaginably heart-breaking ttc with no success. having two kids already should help with that, but maybe it just doesn't for her?

she is trying for a baby with her new dh, tiredmummy.

You didn't tell her as sensitively as possible. You texted her. Texting may be many things but the most sensitive possible way to tell anyone anything is not one of them.

But if you are genuinely best friends then she shouldn't have just cut you dead the way she has.

So possibly you're both well out of it. It doesn't sound as though you like her very much anyway; why are you best friends?

i know aitch, but she still has 2 kids.

so why get her knickers in a twist just because her friend gets pg.

what did she want her to do, just not tell her. she needs to get over herself, there are other people in this world. everyone has problems with something in their lives at some point. doesnt mean the world stops though.

lol, you really are tired, aren't you? and a wee bit crabbit?

anyway, the OP isn't interested in anything other than a bitch about this woman, and i'm not sticking round to help. byeeee!

"I told her via text...like all my other pals tthat i was pregnant and really happy and said that i hope she was happy for me."

"...she got told just like everyone else..."

These two comments seem a strange and unfeeling way to tell your best friend your pregnant especailly given what she is going through.

Wrt fb, could she have deleted you from fb as she found it difficult with all your excited status updates and congratulations you were receiving?

I couldn't bear to see all the pregnancy and new baby stuff on fb after my mc's (I have dc's too) and tbh still find it hard

Having children already doesn't mean she's immune from the pain of ttc

Maybe you should give her a break, sounds like she could use a compassionate friend right now, not someone who can't see her (best) friend's pain and anguish and can't even take the time to break her news gently.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope everything goes well for you.

Even if they were not, they would not be rude to me, and delete me from their fb, a bit extreme. As i said we are ttc and if any friend announced that they are pg which they have, i have just smiled sweetly congratulated them, and hurt inside.

Just because she has two DC already does not make the fact that she has been TTC for a year and not conceived any easier.

I am not saying that her behaviour was reasonable, deleting from FB is rather extreme, but tbh, texting her and informing her that she had to be happy for you is really not a very sensitive way of letting her know your news.

So, you are both BU.

One of my oldest friends (we went to pre-school together and have both moved all over the world) is childless. She will never carry her own child.

I have three children. One of them, my youngest 8 yr old boy, whom I adore, was concieved accidently when I was going through IVF treatment to be a host surrogate for my friend.

I tried several other times and we lost one baby.

There have been times when we haven't been in contact because she can't be because its too painful, there have been times I have been busy with my kids and haven't contacted her.

When they have suffered disapointments (lost other babies with other surrogates) I have dropped everything and just driven up and been there even one NYE.

She has done the same for me.

The crux of this is - I love my friend and I will be there for her whatever happens, I respect her, I trust her, I love her company and her DH is now like the brother I never had.

Maybe your friend is hurting because of the text/ttc issue.

If the friendship is meant to be you will find a resolution - if not then be grateful for what she brought to your life when she was a part of it and move on.

But she has 2 healthy kids already.

now if she didnt have any and couldnt have any then i would understand

Does this woman think the world has stopped or does she think that her supposed friend has just sent her a very rude and insensitive text?

I don't think expecting to be treated nicely by your friends is as unreasonable as expecting laws of nature to change to suit your mood.

I was overjoyed when I successfully conceived DS after 1.5yrs of trying and shared that joy as soon as appropriate. It was only when I was in 3rd trimester that one of my closest friends told me she had had a miscarraige 2 days after I told her my news. I was so gutted that she had gone through that without telling me but she hadn't wanted to blight my joy. Now that is a true friend. I'm still trying to live up to that standard.

OP I hinted earlier that texting your mate was not a good way to tell her your news. I'm imagining she received it knowing that it was a group text and perhaps felt more than a little peeved. I agree that she isn't being supportive (when you compare to my friend) but neither are you! It is great that you are pregnant and congratulations btw! But, give your mate a break and go and see her to work out your probs.

Tired
Whether a couple have one child or 5, unsuccessful TTC is heartbreaking. And it is the first child for the friend's partner.

Oh jeez, this is turning into a bitching session.

i am outta here.

ciao

Yet again, facebook adding to the sum of human happiness. At least kids passing notes in the playground have the excuse that they're young enough not to know any better.