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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little cheesed and/or degraded when someone calls you a 'young mum'...'Oooo your a young mother arent you?' Grrrrr

102 replies

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 17:56

Grrrrrr I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and been commented on 'being a young mum' gets to me....why are people quick to label me as a young mum just because other people, nowadays, are choosing to have children later on in life?

I mean, back in their 'olden days' they were getting married at 19/20 and having masses of children at 21 so why is it so special to comment on me being a young mum?

Do you hear them saying to others 'ooo your an old mum' or 'your a granny mum!' Errrr no! So why try and make me feel inferior and like a nothing by stating the obvious that 1. I am young 2. I am a mother and impending mother to my bump.

I have no idea why these comments affect me so deeply despite trying to work it out. All I know that if I comment on them like 'you look too old to be a mum' or 'crikey your an old mum' - I'd get the daggers!! (I have never said those things as its too disrespectful and I appreciate ppl have kids at diff times).

So spare a thought for us 'young mothers' when jumping to categorise and stereotype us or else you might just get several daggers! lol.

Rant officially over. (Phew!) X

OP posts:
Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 17:57

Grrrrrr I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and been commented on 'being a young mum' gets to me....why are people quick to label me as a young mum just because other people, nowadays, are choosing to have children later on in life?

I mean, back in their 'olden days' they were getting married at 19/20 and having masses of children at 21 so why is it so special to comment on me being a young mum?

Do you hear them saying to others 'ooo your an old mum' or 'your a granny mum!' Errrr no! So why try and make me feel inferior and like a nothing by stating the obvious that 1. I am young 2. I am a mother and impending mother to my bump.

I have no idea why these comments affect me so deeply despite trying to work it out. All I know that if I comment on them like 'you look too old to be a mum' or 'crikey your an old mum' - I'd get the daggers!! (I have never said those things as its too disrespectful and I appreciate ppl have kids at diff times).

So spare a thought for us 'young mothers' when jumping to categorise and stereotype us or else you might just get several daggers! lol.

Rant officially over. (Phew!) X

OP posts:
Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 17:57

Grrrrrr I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and been commented on 'being a young mum' gets to me....why are people quick to label me as a young mum just because other people, nowadays, are choosing to have children later on in life?

I mean, back in their 'olden days' they were getting married at 19/20 and having masses of children at 21 so why is it so special to comment on me being a young mum?

Do you hear them saying to others 'ooo your an old mum' or 'your a granny mum!' Errrr no! So why try and make me feel inferior and like a nothing by stating the obvious that 1. I am young 2. I am a mother and impending mother to my bump.

I have no idea why these comments affect me so deeply despite trying to work it out. All I know that if I comment on them like 'you look too old to be a mum' or 'crikey your an old mum' - I'd get the daggers!! (I have never said those things as its too disrespectful and I appreciate ppl have kids at diff times).

So spare a thought for us 'young mothers' when jumping to categorise and stereotype us or else you might just get several daggers! lol.

Rant officially over. (Phew!) X

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 04/08/2010 17:58

Rant away. But get usedto it!

My daughter is 14, I had her as a teen, and I still get 'oooh you had her young didn't you'.

One charmer actually said once 'I can't believe you were a teenage mum, you don't look stupid'.

Cheers, pal.

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2010 18:00

actually, i never minded it at all

24 IS young, and I think it says more about the fact that a lot of women are leaving it very late to have babies (thus making us 20-something mums "young") than it does about us!

Porcelain · 04/08/2010 18:00

Being 29, I kind of wish people would call me "young" but that seems to have stopped happening now.

The best comment I had though was in B&Q, buying a blade with an age restriction on, the woman looked at me and said "well, if you are old enough to have a baby, you are probably old enough to have a wallpaper stripper". I wasn't convinced as the label said "over 21"!

I do get your point though, to me a "young mum" would be under 21ish I guess, my DP is 24 and I don't think of him as particularly young for parenting.

Northernlurker · 04/08/2010 18:05

People say the you were young thing to me as well when they realise I was 21 when dd1 was born. I just roll my eyes and say 'long story' - that shuts them up. It is a bit anoying. I didn't think of 21 as being particularly young at the time but it does put me somewhere between 5 and 12 years (and counting) ahead of our friends.

Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 18:06

I've been told I look 19 (god bless the genes!) But its health professionals saying this who know my DOB...

I guess when people call me a young mum my brain thinks its being stereotyped to be a teen mother and I've seen how much awful stick they get...hummmmmmm

Don't worry though...29 is still really young my fiance is 31 and I see him as very young!

OP posts:
Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 18:06

I've been told I look 19 (god bless the genes!) But its health professionals saying this who know my DOB...

I guess when people call me a young mum my brain thinks its being stereotyped to be a teen mother and I've seen how much awful stick they get...hummmmmmm

Don't worry though...29 is still really young my fiance is 31 and I see him as very young!

OP posts:
teameric · 04/08/2010 18:06

I had DS at the same age as you and used to get this a lot as I looked even younger at the time, used to piss me off no end. Wish they would say that to me now though I'm 35

loopyloops · 04/08/2010 18:07

I'm 29 and was given the "young parents" leaflet in the hospital. Pissed me off too.

Wilts · 04/08/2010 18:08

I was 17 when Ds1 was born, I am sure my age has never been commented on, clearly I have not aged well

nagoo · 04/08/2010 18:08

Hah! I get ID'd for everything (mostrecently a paring knife) despite having my 3 year old and a 5 month pregnant belly.

I'm 31!

sweetnitanitro · 04/08/2010 18:13

I'm 29 and I was most peeved to find that I am too old to go to the young parent group at my local surestart centre.

MillyR · 04/08/2010 18:18

OP, do not sink to their level! Do not make comments back, however tempted you feel.

PatsyStone · 04/08/2010 18:26

Ooh yes, don't hurl insults back!

Yanbu to a point, I used to hate the comments when ds was young (I was 18 when I had him, and somehow managed to stay looking about 18 for years), you only have to look at some of the things written on here to know what people think of so called young mums.

I am now 30 and love it when people say "oh you don't look old enough to have an 11 year old". It always seems good natured, and I think it might annoy me more if someone thought I did look 'old enough' i.e. 40 odd, so I can't get too cross!

Morloth · 04/08/2010 18:27

Wait until they stop.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 04/08/2010 18:34

I was 23 when i had my son, 24 when i had my daughter. Id done so much by then that being a 'young mom' didnt really seem appropriate. But then i come from an older mom, she was 34 when she had me and that felt, and still feels to be honest too old to have children. But that was just my experience I'm sure. I do mention this to some of those who like to asses my parenting based on age alone

Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 18:36

I can't wait until they do stop! ;)

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 04/08/2010 18:37

YABU OP... You do realise that 'looking young' is usually a compliment? No-one says 'you look like an old mum' (with the exception of midwives that go on about 'aging primates' if you're over 30) because 'old' is an insult. Enjoy the compliments while they last.

Coca · 04/08/2010 18:38

I was offered a bar of chocolate by the midwife if I "gave one last push" Set me up with paranoia for the first few years of dd1's life. I was 20.

elvislives · 04/08/2010 18:41

YABU

I was called a young mum for my first four, even though I was 28 when I had number 4.

Nobody said it when I had DD2 at 43 , though when people say "is she your first?" and I say no, she's the fifth and my eldest is 24, that usually gets a good reaction.

archstanton · 04/08/2010 18:42

Buy you are young! 24 is young! I'd understand if they were saying you were young and stupid but it is a a fact that 24 is young.
And it is reasonably young to be a mum these day.

I'd probably class anything above 45 as an older mum and would happily use that in conversation. Two of my NCT group were early 40s and they often called themselves 'older mums'.

Unless someone is actually using it as an insult rather than a staement of fact, I wouldn't get upset about it.

going · 04/08/2010 18:45

I was 23 when I had dd1 and used to get comments at the bus stop about young single mums scrouning off the state. I had a mortgage, no benefits and lived with dd's Dad in a stable relationship - even if I had been all the women had described the last think I would have needed was moaners sticking their nose in. Quite a few people seem to think it's okay to judge young mums in their faces!

Just ignore it and enjoy the fact you are young and have plenty of energy - felt a huge differnce between being pregnant in late 20's and early 30's!

WingDad · 04/08/2010 18:49

Both my wife and I were 21 at the time of having our first son. We got loads of comments about us being young, and it did get slightly annoying with time but we just put them behind us. The worst were comments like "oh it's really degrading being young parents, and you never get anywhere in your job." Umm no, 12 years on we still enjoy parenthood as much as the first day we became parents and we're both relatively high up in our employment.

People are just being judgemental, ignore them and carry on in your happiness

Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 18:49

Thanks going.... Your comment really helped!

OP posts: