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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a little cheesed and/or degraded when someone calls you a 'young mum'...'Oooo your a young mother arent you?' Grrrrr

102 replies

adamandbump · 04/08/2010 17:56

Grrrrrr I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and been commented on 'being a young mum' gets to me....why are people quick to label me as a young mum just because other people, nowadays, are choosing to have children later on in life?

I mean, back in their 'olden days' they were getting married at 19/20 and having masses of children at 21 so why is it so special to comment on me being a young mum?

Do you hear them saying to others 'ooo your an old mum' or 'your a granny mum!' Errrr no! So why try and make me feel inferior and like a nothing by stating the obvious that 1. I am young 2. I am a mother and impending mother to my bump.

I have no idea why these comments affect me so deeply despite trying to work it out. All I know that if I comment on them like 'you look too old to be a mum' or 'crikey your an old mum' - I'd get the daggers!! (I have never said those things as its too disrespectful and I appreciate ppl have kids at diff times).

So spare a thought for us 'young mothers' when jumping to categorise and stereotype us or else you might just get several daggers! lol.

Rant officially over. (Phew!) X

OP posts:
Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 20:11

Hey peeps, as I only know the queens english (near as!) could some help me out with the abbreviation's on here (on the net) to do with pregnancy, parenting, family etc? Ekkkk I'm only 24 and not knowing the lingo is making me feel oooooold now!

I.E. Dd? Dc? Dp? Ekkkkk! (Feels stupid! And I can't stop laughing at my clueless self) :D xxx

OP posts:
fernie3 · 04/08/2010 20:12

I am 26 and just had my fourth baby , I also have been told i look younger. I get quite alot of comments about being a young mum, my baby was born 3 days ago and the midwife was always saying things like "you dont look old enough". I wouldnt get upset about it its one of those things. I might not look old enough but evidence proves otherwise!

2blessed2bstressed · 04/08/2010 20:17

Um...after lots of grief, had first ds at 32 and 2nd at 35. And have had recently "gosh, you're quite old, aren't you?" from ds2's teacher, and "well, you don't look as old as I can see you are" from SALT reading ds1's notes. I'm 45 now by the way, and I'm in size 12 River Island jeans, got dark pink hair and silver minx toenails - I think I look pretty good, thank you very much, but I'd really not mind being called young!

SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2010 20:22

I usually reply to people (and I have had several comments), "I hope you have a really nice day", with my biggest smile - confuses the hell out them normally

Firawla · 04/08/2010 20:23

dd = daughter
ds = son
dp = partner
dh = husband
dc = kids
theres a list around somewhere

InWithTheITCrowd · 04/08/2010 20:24

Can I just say that it might not be as common , but you DO get comments sometimes as being an ?older Mum?. I?m almost 37 and most of my family and friends had their DC in their 20s (well, most of my family are having their DC in their teens actually) - we?re not mega-close as an extended family, but we do meet up annually. This year when we met up (with my DS aged 9 months in tow), I had LOADS of comments about having ?left it really late? ?not having enough energy.? One kind cousin even said ?You?ll be 50 when he?s 15 - that?s shocking? And then, the icing on the cake, my cousin who is 38 and has just become a grandmother for the second time (1st time was when she was 34) spent the entire afternoon comparing both of our situations, and in the end the ENTIRE group all decided I was far too old to be a new mum. Left me feeling completely crap!

SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2010 20:27

You can never win, can you, ITCrowd?

prozacfairy · 04/08/2010 20:27

Can't believe anyone would comment to someone that they're "quite old"

MathsMadMummy · 04/08/2010 20:28

OMG ITcrowd your own family? that's so rude as well as ignorant

InWithTheITCrowd · 04/08/2010 20:33

I know mmm - but I didn?t really take offence - my cousins are all really young, and we aren?t close - and to be honest, there are loads of them and they have all had their children really young - so I?m something of an anomaly! There?s no right age is there? Just a right age for you! My Mum had me at 21 and my sister at 37, and she says there are pros and cons to both

skyeplusbump · 04/08/2010 21:05

i just cant belive so many of you are the same age(ish) as me! im 24 dd is 2 and ds is due september,around here there are younger mums but they dont tend to go to the baby toddler groups,so im almost always the youngest by 5-10yrs.they all seem to know each other...
no one talks to me,i thought it was because i looked young,(maybe its because i have one of those frowning faces!)im not sure,makes me quite though...

MathsMadMummy · 04/08/2010 21:07

oh how annoying skye whereabouts are you? you need to find different groups IMO. some groups are really cliquey.

I reckon I'm sort of in the middle WRT to my age, not in a 'normal' way but in an abnormal way! I'm older than the 'teenage mums' - too old for all the young mums groups etc but younger than most other mums around. but thank goodness for me it hasn't got in the way of making good friends.

Original poster
adamandbump · 04/08/2010 21:09

Awwww where abouts are you from 'skyeplusbump'? I feel the same too!

OP posts:
Morloth · 04/08/2010 21:12

I told a 23 year old to have her babies NOW today at the gym. She was showing me around and was entranced by DS2. God I wish I had had my babies in my early 20s. Well my back, knee, sides, neck, abs etc all do anyway!

My Sister had three kids by the time she was 25 and her youngest is now 13 - she is only 38! Clever clever...

SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2010 21:13

Skye, I had the same - I was literally sat in between people who leant around me to have a conversation. I went twice, and have left the bitches to play with themselves since

Is there a different group nearby? Sure Start centre, maybe?

MathsMadMummy · 04/08/2010 21:18

do persevere Skye (and others!) it is really worth it when you find mum friends.

and frankly anyone who disregards you based on your age (or indeed any other arbitrary factor!) is silly and snobby and you're better off not knowing them!

skyeplusbump · 04/08/2010 21:21

thanks guys,
im in hampshire. ive tryed 2 groups, both the same,just dont say a word to me, some have occasionaly commented that dd is v clever for her age,(almost as if they expect their kid to be clever by default!)...i dont drive and there dont seem to be any others nearby-a few in the villages etc but i expect theyd be even worse! and a pain to get to.
i would just not go back but dd loves playing with the other kids and doing the crafty stuff,i couldnt do it to her ...
does make me feel a tiny bit crapyer every time though...but maybe thats the hormones!

mumbar · 04/08/2010 21:46

I used to get young mum comments I was 24 and 2 when ds was born. Now nealy 30 (2weeks today ) and people use the young comment more as I'm a single parent. Usually coping so well alone as a young mum, and still only young you can still have more etc.

I do not think any of it is meant as an insult.

Actually did have to laugh a work last week when someone had the retirement age leaflet and told me I couldn't retire until 68! Realised with nearly 40 yrs employment left it didn't matter my career is only just lifting off after having ds quite 'young'

mumbar · 04/08/2010 21:51

that should read 24 and 2 days

mumbar · 04/08/2010 21:53

skye whereabouts in hants are you (town will do) I found the same when ds was small.

thelennox · 04/08/2010 21:56

I was 21 when I had my first - just had number 3 when I turned 30, so yes I get alot of young mum stuff. doesn't help that dh has not aged a day since we met - looks exactly the same! I get alot of comments from other women - especially dh's colleagues - who tell me they have concentrated on their careers instead of having children young. Always feel like saying well sod you, I have 3 children and a career, but always just smile sweetly!!

skyeplusbump · 04/08/2010 22:10

mumbar
andover.

mumbar · 04/08/2010 22:13

oh other end to me then Im Portsmouth - sorry that didn't help you at all did it.

zazen · 04/08/2010 22:19

I was called a geriatric prima gravida when I had my DD: I was 35

I would have loved kids in my early 20s when I had more energy

Being called 'young mum' must mean something bad to you then if you don't like it? What does it trigger that makes you annoyed.... if you know that you can let it go more easily..

MathsMadMummy · 04/08/2010 22:27

thelennox, I feel the same, hopefully when my kids go to school I'll have my own career, I should be a qualified teacher by age 30 so that's still plenty of time to work myself into the ground and be scuppered by taxes have a fulfilling career