to feel a little cheesed and/or degraded when someone calls you a 'young mum'...'Oooo your a young mother arent you?' Grrrrr

[adamandbump]

Grrrrrr I'm 24 (soon to be 25) and been commented on 'being a young mum' gets to me....why are people quick to label me as a young mum just because other people, nowadays, are choosing to have children later on in life?

I mean, back in their 'olden days' they were getting married at 19/20 and having masses of children at 21 so why is it so special to comment on me being a young mum?

Do you hear them saying to others 'ooo your an old mum' or 'your a granny mum!' Errrr no! So why try and make me feel inferior and like a nothing by stating the obvious that 1. I am young 2. I am a mother and impending mother to my bump.

I have no idea why these comments affect me so deeply despite trying to work it out. All I know that if I comment on them like 'you look too old to be a mum' or 'crikey your an old mum' - I'd get the daggers!! (I have never said those things as its too disrespectful and I appreciate ppl have kids at diff times).

So spare a thought for us 'young mothers' when jumping to categorise and stereotype us or else you might just get several daggers! lol.

Rant officially over. (Phew!) X

wow i must be a young mum too (25) nobody has ever called me a young mum. Although in my home twon it isn't uncommon for girls to get pregnant as young as 13!(not much to do in my home town as you may have guessed) so i would be a old mum to them

adamandbump "I can't wait until they do stop! ;)"

You say that now, but there was a noticeable difference for me with my second pregnancy. Am not so young anymore, would rather be young and get arsey comments than old with none, because trust me when I say 24 is physically a lot more fun than 34!

hey i know how u feel, i had just turned 24 when i had my dd, i never really saw myself as a young mum as my mum had me at 17, then people started commenting, and saying no you look far to youn to be a mum, im now 25 and people have confused me for being in college when im actually mentoring there on numerous occasions, does get very annoying, plus get asked for i.d everywhere. Keep thinking ill appreciated it in 5 years tho

To 'WingDad' Awww bless...sounds like you've brilliantly! Great advice- to which I shall follow! Its our happiness and yes, maybe they are being a little judgemental...in fact being young in body and in mind and having my second child doesn't bother me anymore! (Thank you). I've realised its something to be proud of, especially having genes which don't age quickly! So viva la young parents!

Oh and its fantastic to hear from Dads too! It should be called 'Parents Net'

Hugs to all xxxx

Someone said it to me when DD was a baby, I was 34, spose I didn't look it (I have aged a lot since).

I was pleased of course but I can see why it would annoy you.

I understand everyones view point. I'm so grateful to be young although creeeeky in places! Thank youuuu x

YOu should definitely be glad of it, I am 38, DD is 3 and I am physically exhausted by end of day, probably wouldn't have been at 28!

I'm 26 with a 5, 4 and 18 month old and constantly get comments. I'm referred to as 'the baby' in my group of mom friends, been told 'you don't look old enough to be a mother' when out with just my youngest (although it's always fun watching their reaction when i tell them he's the youngest of 3) and had compete strangers say 'You look to young to have all those children'

On the flip side i've laso had so positive comments like the old dears who tell me i'm very sensible for having them young and people who've told me it's nice to see a mother with enough energy to run around with her children (not a personal opinion btw, most of the older moms i know are more energetic than i am but it is something that was said to me)

These comments are very interesting and have made me think - I am probably very guilty of making such remarks, but usually because I am in genuine awe of someone who has had a child when (in my eyes) they are young - I had my DS at 43 (& yes, I get all the 'are you his granny comments' ) - I would never have had the maturity to have a child in my teens or twenties and I genuinely admire those of you who do - you certainly are the peak of physical fitness & have the energy to deal with children - unlike some of us oldies! But, point taken and I will be very careful about what I say in future. I am fortunate to have quite a few younger friends and I cringe now as I remember saying to one mum of 26 who had 3 DC of her own 'I could be your mum' - I didn't mean to be rude, but I appreciate now how condescending it must have been .

It's not an insult to call you a young mother, just a statement of fact! You are young!
I had one child at 38 and think anyone younger than 35 who has children is a really young mother! (I was way too emotionally immature to even consider it before that )

my mum had me at 35 and she was classed as an 'older prima gravida' whereas now 35 is normal.

I do think older mums get slagged off too, nobody is immune from meeja tirades! they get a lot of stick for being selfish, too career focused etc. you just can't win

it does annoy me, though, that just because many women are leaving it later so the average age of new mums has increased, some people think it's ok to assume younger mums are therefore irresponsible feckless muppets who couldn't keep it in their pants...

apologies for wildly extrapolating there but some people really do hold that view! um, no, I chose to have a baby at 20, another at 22 and I'm bringing them up rather nicely thank you

I have ALWAYS had the 'Om gosh, so young to have children' Comments.
Had Ds1 aged 20 but I have admitttedly always looked about 15

I'm 30 in a few months and yet still recently had a comment from and elderly lady about being a 'Good Big Sister!' whilst out with Ds's (9 & 4)

Oh and I even have to get DH to buy my wine for me as I don't have id and Morrisons refuse to serve me! Lol

It's a compliment. You are probably young and LOVELY too...

And you've probably got bags on energy.

(not too jealous really emoticon)

oh, I do agree not everyone is necessarily insulting you if they are just pointing it out. it may be that they're quite refreshed that somebody has decided to 'buck the trend' so to speak.

again - though people assume bad things about older mums too, I get upset that people assume certain things about the way younger mums parent their kids. I was the youngest by 10 years when I was put in a postnatal group with my first baby, and I was the only English mum BFing, and the only one making all baby food from scratch instead of using jars, etc.

I'm definitely the baby among my friends, apart from one the same age. thankfully it's never been a barrier. the only thing ever said was 'aww you're only a baby!' but it was in a really nice way IYSWIM, and they all said I was really mature, not in a patronising way.

I was 17 when I had DS and I had, and still often have the 'young mum' comment. The only answer I can think of to say is "so?", but I guess thats rude so I just sort of smile and change the subject.

I get very annoyed at the "gosh that is so hard for you/ how do you cope? comments. Why is it very hard for me specifically? I don't get it? Are you telling me that if you wait til your 30 to have a baby, they don't cry all night, throw tantrums when they're 2, generally be hard work? I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

You are right that most people don't comment if they think you are older ie, "my, you are a bit old to be having babies". But people say a lot of things to young people that they would not say to older people, one of the few trade-offs of being older and wrinklier than you young-uns .

Btw, it is also just a phrase. I am not a "young mum" by any stretch of the imagination, but I still get referred to as such by some... I think often people mean "mum to young children" but say "young mum" (although it may just be my lucky youthful genes confusing everyone!)

D0G I know exactly what you mean about being defensive! I used to feel like that, always ready to put my hand up with my wedding ring etc. never needed to, haven't had any comments from strangers. I just used to feel nervous about it but I'm a lot more confident now, and I feel that shows as I go about on the bus with my two lovely well-mannered kids. TBH I don't think people would look at me and automatically think 'young mum'. I'm 23 with a baby face, but if anything they probably think 'lose some weight' lol

I was 21 when I had DD and yes, I've had the comments but they dont bother me when its about my age . It's when they assume I'm a single mum because I'm that age.

Mind you I was once sitting chatting to MIL and her mother (GMIL if you like) when for some reason the conversation turned to "young mothers". MIL I think deciding to have another dig at me started on about how older mums, say 30, make better mums because "they dont do drugs and underage sex". coz her son has tried every drug under the sun and lost his virginity at 13. MIL was 31 when she had him

This was incredibly awkward because the whole time MIL was sat telling me this HER mother was sat staring daggers at her before spitting out "I had you at 21. You turned out ok didn't yer? Stop yer belly aching and drink yer tea. Dont let it choke yer like."

take it as a compliment, i do if people say i am young. better than looking older than your age isn't it

unless they are saying in a sneering way then just take it as a compliment and dont read too much into it, they probably dont mean that much by it?

actually nice to see so many people think 24 is young because i am 24 in about 2 weeks and i am starting to feel oh no 24 is quite old!

i think its just that so many people have their dc so much older these days that people consider 20-25 as young, because it is not really its more like the prime child bearing age and used to be the "norm"

depends who you speak to though they had a thread on netmums the other day of mums ages and it made me feel really old, most people started having from their teens

You want to live where I do. I had dd1 at 29 and dd2 at 31 and was classed as an 'older' mother
I was the oldest on the ward both times as well!

You should be flattered.....try being a first time Mum at 40!