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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have lied to my husband..and arranged

122 replies

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:16

for everyone else to lie to him to?

I had a gender scan today... So excited (really didn't have a preferance.. I just had to know. Hate suprises)

So I showed up early at the scan place (private as my local hospital won't tell you)

and told them I wanted to know, but I didn't want my husband to know. And that I was to go in and tell the ultrasound tech that we no longer wanted the baby sexed. When in fact he was to completly disregard that and sex the baby.. and I would call back later and find out.

I have to say the reason I didn't just say, tell me and not my husband is that DH is bvu and doesn't trust me to find out and not blab (which is kind of fair.. I am crap with secrets)

So am I being unresonable? I feel bad knowing when he doesn't know I know. And got the feeling everyone there thought I was insane.

OP posts:

BollockBrain · 03/08/2010 13:18

YABU - why does everyone else have to lie to him as well? Are you telling all and sundry, but not him?

Chil1234 · 03/08/2010 13:19

YANBU.... What he doesn't know won't hurt him. However, if you really are 'crap with secrets' and it comes out accidentally later then expect a backlash.

Original poster

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:19

Sorry- no, just the people at the scan place. No one else knows I know.

OP posts:

trainsetter · 03/08/2010 13:20

YABU.

minipie · 03/08/2010 13:22

YABU

Why didn't you just stand your ground in the first place with your DH and tell him that you wanted to find out?

Much better to disagree on something than to lie IMO

(by the way, is it a boy or a girl? )

LadyintheRadiator · 03/08/2010 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:25

Its a girl minipie!!!! I only really asked this so someone would ask me

He didn't want me to know cause he knew (and this is probably true) I would slip and say he or she when we have been saying it..

Funny thing is as we left (before I called) with the scan photos I was sure one of them looked like a girl and told DH I thought that. So when I say she (as I am sure I will do..) he won't think anything of it.

OP posts:

silverfrog · 03/08/2010 13:25

if you are that crap at keeping secrets, and your dh is sure he doesn't want to know, then yes, YABU.

dh found out the sex when I was pregnant with dd1. I didn't want to know.

he kept the sectret until she was born (he made 2, separate errors which could have given it away, but then i error meant boy, and one girl so I was still . I was furious with him each time he made an error, though, as I hadn't wanted ot know at all, and he had potentially told me.)

dh didn't find out the sex when I was pregnant with dd2 - he had found it far too stressful the first time!

so, now that you know, please make sure you keep this secret - and don't tell anyone else either, and swear them to secrecy. imo, that would have been an awful thing for dh to do to me - the father of my baby knowing the sex when I don't? felt a bit odd, but bearable (he is, after all, a involved as I am!) anyone else knowing when I didn't? I would have gone through the roof!

LucyLouLou · 03/08/2010 13:26

I understand where you're coming from (currently pregnant with a DD, had a gender scan, but then both I and the daddy to be wanted to know!) but I would've done what minipie said, and been firm with your DH, telling him that you really wanted to know. I wouldn't want this secret, I would feel terribly guilty about lying.

silverfrog · 03/08/2010 13:27

ah, too late for not telling anyone...

honestly, think about what you are doing. you have just told a whole load of people something about your baby that it's own father doesn't know.

does your dh know your username on here?

Original poster

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:28

Ladyintheradiator- I booked it planning on having the baby sexed.. cue huge rows.

I had to know, I want to buy things and prepare and get excited.. It's just how I work.. I have been known to unwrap xmas presents and rewrap them so DH doesn't know...

I hait suprises. Hate them.

OP posts:

Beattiebow · 03/08/2010 13:28

my dh found out for our ds2 without telling me. I was really pissed off with him as he lasted about 7 minutes before spilling the beans to me. (I wanted a surprise)

I was very annoyed with him as we had got to 34 weeks without finding out.

at the end of the day it didn't really matter though!

MrsC2010 · 03/08/2010 13:28

I can't imagine one of us knowing this information and the other not.

trainsetter · 03/08/2010 13:31

Me neither. We only found out for the last one as he had something wrong with him, I wouldn't have found out for something as shallow as shopping.

proudnsad · 03/08/2010 13:31

YABVU, I'm shocked. It's really deceitful...and weird...

Original poster

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:32

Don't think DH is bothered about mumsnet so shouldn't see it on here. I had to tell the scan people as needed their help.. I really won't tell anyoen else. I would feel guilty.

OP posts:

Mingg · 03/08/2010 13:35

YABU - and obviously your husband is right about you

Original poster

sanielle · 03/08/2010 13:37

Trainsetter, I waited three years for this little person,and for that reason it will probably be the only baby I ever get. I really want to enjoy buying HER things. Don't think it is shallow, seems to be a cultural thing.

Where I am from EVERYONE finds out the gender, and think it is really weird we aren't finding it out. But everyone I spoke to here (in England) think it would be horribel to "ruin the suprise".

OP posts:

silverfrog · 03/08/2010 13:37

I can't imagine one of us having this knowledge without the other one knowing that fact. that would be really weird.

but then I can't imagine dtopping dh finding out, for eg - it was as much his baby as mine, and the possibility to find out the sex was there. he really wanted to know. I didn't. so he found out.

his knowing didn't bother me, because I didn't want to know, iyswim? but if he had told anyone else I would have been furious - no-one else has the right to know that before me (although, as it happens, since I had an em caesarian with GA, the whole theatre knew before I did ) but I still knew before dh told anyone else (friends and family)

my dsd was really freaked by the concept that dh knew and she didn't - she really, really wanted to know (she cannot vear not being "in" on secrets), but I wouldn't let dh tell her - a) because she is crap at keeping secrets, and so would have told me, and b) as before - what rigth does she have to know before one of the parents?

coraltoes · 03/08/2010 13:39

but if you're going to buy things isn't he going to find out then?! i'm confused...

BigBadMummy · 03/08/2010 13:39

So you want to know and then you can buy things. Your husband is going to get suspicious when pink things start arriving.

Telling your own lie is one thing. But asking other people to lie for you is VU.

You need to address the "hate surprises" bit. Unwrapping and re-wrapping presents? That is just ridiculous.

What will you do when you are waiting for GCSE results in 17 years? Call the exam board beforehand so that you don't get you know how many A*s your daughter has got before she has?!!!

Extreme I know, but really you need to get a grip.

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 13:40

what are you going to tell your husband when you start buying things for a girl ?

or will you lie about that and hide the purchases from him

congrats on your much-wanted pg 'n' all that (have been there....) but you are being a bit daft, I think

Baileysismyfriend · 03/08/2010 13:41

How are you going to buy things if he doesnt know you know.

violethill · 03/08/2010 13:42

Well, good luck with your track record of blabbing, and trying to hide the little pink dresses you're cleary intent on buying...

I give you til tea time today before he knows anyway

porcamiseria · 03/08/2010 13:43

yabu

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