To just fucking give up with my devil toddler

[monkeyfacegrace]

She is 3.

Total meltdown because her fork was the wrong size to eat her pasta with

Hysterical because their was a leaf on the strawberry on the picture on the side of her yoghurt

Wont sit at the table because she wants to sit on the sofa.

Devestated because Mr Maker isnt on, and she does not want to do anything else.

So fuck it. Im on my laptop. She has a bottle, yes a bottle of lemonade. No added sugar at that.

As you were.

Shit doesn't anyone want my 12 year old

My ds is 3 and 9 months - definitly gettign better in some ways but when i do tell him off he throws himself on floor and sobs, i have started to give him choice over what top he wears on a morning when getting dressed which i deeply regret as every morning he picks a big jumper (after perusing for what seems like hrs) or long sleeved top - im sure he does it on purpose to rile me when i clearly say pick a short sleeved t shirt - this am at 23 degrees he ate his breakfast in a fecking huge fluffy monkey top and beach shorts!

Privet isn't that what Milton solution is for?

I was tempted, but I just couldn't!

My dd just rang to say she doesnt know what to do with dgs 3.11 who throws thins at her and slaps her if he doesnt get his own way.She was quite smug about 2's but making up for it now

oh god, you could be describing my 4 year old

he was an angel up till he got to about 3 and he just seems to be getting worse and worse

Oh, I feel your pain, the strawberry leaf has reminded me, when DS was 3, the only Petit Filou he would eat was the strwaberry one with the picture of the bone (added calcium), not the strwaberry one without the bone, not the raspberry one, grrr). It will pass. He doesn't eat any yogurt type things at all now.

2kids2dogsandahorse - I'm reaching the last months of pregnancy. I'll take the 12 year old if I can use her as a slave when I can no longer tie my own laces, etc. How's that sound?

My 2.11 year old, given a choice of two will say 'none of them, mummy'.

Our biggest battles are around changing clothes - she wants to wear the same thing day and night for as many days as possible.

My favourite from her is; "I won't EVER go to sleep. Hmph."

Oh, I absolutely love this thread. I want to keep it forever and show it to DD's dad when he starts in on one of his 'this is not a criticism but...' diatribes. She's always very 'well-behaved and calm' with him. Really? I'm sure of I had her for a total of eight whole hours a week over two days, she would be the same with me. As it is, she's the absolute love of my life but she's bad to the bone. Totally recognise the tantrums over a yogurt pot with the 'wrong' picture, tantrums over what she's going to wear, tantrums over what, where and how she's going to eat, tantrums because she has deliberately broken something and now 'AAAARRRRGGGHHH, it's broken Mummy!', tantrums over me giving her the 'wrong' coloured cup to drink her juice (the one she asked for) etc etc. And the hitting. I always hold her arms down by her side, look her in the eye and say 'You really hurt Mummy, you mustn't hit, it's wrong, blah, blah, blah' and her response is always a gleeful, 'Are you going to cry Mummy?' . She has actually made me cry on several occasions through sheer frustration and, once or twice, through actual physical pain (a three-year-old head butt to the bridge of the nose is still a head butt and a three-year-old fist in the eye is still a fist in the eye). Ex tells me to smack her when she's really naughty but I won't countenance it, IMO a child who is smacked for naughtiness grows up with a completely distorted view of cause and effect. So I plow on with the lengthy explanations, the calm facade and, when all else fails, which it usually does, sending her to sit in her room to 'think about what she's done' while I go into the garden for a stress fag. And she does think about what she's done, and I'll go in a couple of minutes later to find her sitting on her bed, doing that three-year-old SMIRK, and saying 'sowwy Mummy', knowing she doesn't mean it in the slightest. Only our children can treat us so appallingly and still have us head over heels in love with them. In the ten per cent of her waking hours that DD isn't giving over to being beelzebub-in-training, she makes me glitter pictures, wants hugs and kisses, and tells me she loves me 'all the world and all the stars'. It's so worth it.

Don't video the tantrums for the future do it for the NOW friend and I often set up video camera in room when we are out - first argument we play it to the kids 5,5, and 6 and thats usually the last we hear of the shouting whining at each other.

Best one was last week - friends dd6 to my ds 5 'I'm gonna throw the party bag you give me in the bin' ds replied ' who says your getting one' friends dd5 'Yeah me too, it will be rubbish' ds replies 'Well maybe I'll not invite you to my party'

friends 2 dds come running to the kitchen screaming 'minimumber says we can't go to his party' 'we can't have a party bag' 'he's being horrible' and many others of the like.

Well we played back the conversation and they were the quietest Ive ever heard them

Or my other favourite is tantruming back - shocks them into silence if nothing else

Can I join you in introducing my tantruming nightmare dd 3.4 years. Thought they said that when they hit 3, they settle down no chance. Tantruming at every thing does not go her way, from not bringing her milk quick enough, to tantruming for the sake of it, instead of making an effort to speak properly. She can flip at the drop of a hat, be perfectly happy one minute, and total meltdown the next, I am frazzled.

I have seen the future...oh no!

Has anybody tried the techniques in this book, Playful Parenting?

I'm reading it in anticipation of struggles with 17mo DS. It does seem a different approach to issues, and does explain why the naughty step might not be working for some children.

With Ds who is 22mths I use a combination of techniques but I always try to stay calm, even when it makes me so angry.

My 1st technique is when he has done something like hit/scratch/push I give him a warning by saying 'No, DS, you do not hit' in a stern voice then 'If you do that agin you can sit in time out' So he has had his warning and has been given the chance to correct his behaviour. If he does it again I take him to time out, tell him again the above and leave him there for 2 mins. It always works. Mostly the warning is enough.

The 2nd technique I use for any violence is as someone else suggested. The guilt trip. I say 'awww, that hurt mummy, mummy sad now' and he usually responds with 'awww mam' and gives me a cuddle. Then I say 'we don't hit do we DS'. and he will answer 'no'.

The 3rd technique I use is distraction and anticipating his next move.

The 4th is putting him down for a nap/get him a snack as he's on his worst behaviour when he's tired or hungry.

The 5th technique is make him feel good about himself- offer lots of praise, make him laugh and show him how much I love him every spare minute.

This thread has made me feel so much better - so good to know I'm not suffering alone . Thanks to needafootmassage too - great tips. Ds 2 yrs 10 mths,( with 2 much older dd's) is a one boy devastation unit. I was about to list his exploits over the past 2 days, but I'm embarssed to let you all know how feral my son is . Just last night I was getting out my favourite books again - Boundaries for Kids and Toddler Taming. Should be reading them now in preparation for when he wakes from his nap. I just keep telling myself it will get easier.

Choose your battles. In the ones that matter, never back down.

Be strict. Not always but on things that matter to you.

When she tantrums, put her into her bedroom. She is not coming out until she has calmed down.

Good luck.

I think it would be easier taking The Goat of Satan round a vegetable stall than getting our three year old dressed/undressed.

Does anyone else end up putting pants on in the kitchen, a sock on upstairs, the other sock on in the living room etc?

For what it is worth, our 27 year old had a strop the other day.

Which was Ignored.

Swans- God, the dressing/undressing saga! It drives us potty. We start off determined to dress/undress him at once and confined to one room but somehow we end up in every room of the house with a trail of clothing in our wake. I say 'we' because it is definately a 2-man job. I don't know how he manages it. Then when he is naked he somehow turns into a slippery eel and runs about the house, laughing with us chasing after him, clutching his nappy. It takes us the best part of half an hour to get the job done!

This morning I stuck him on top of his changing table to get him dressed and feeling a bit insecure because it was high up, he stayed still and I actually got the job done in under 5 mins! Hooray!

I feel your pain, truly.

We were invited to a proper afternoon tea; doilies, fairy cakes, croquet and everything and lo, who was running about bare of bum and threatening to pee on the croquet hoop....

The host was shocked.

you have to laugh! I hope you managed to get some video evidence to be used for clever blackmailing in the future?

This thread has cheered me up no end!! I am not the only one with a demon 3 year old whoo hoo!! My DD is the spawn of the devil, I am convinced of this. Her tantrums are legendary.

My 2.2 yr old keeps driving his Thomas trains over my laptop and cuddling me, and deleting what i write, maybe i should get the hint.

I just feel soo smug. We don't have any problem with undressing when it comes to my DS, 2.11.

Infact, when we were out last week he told me he needed to do a wee, took all his clothes off on the street and just stood there playing with himself. Laughing.

I never understood how people got so f**d off with their children until the last 6 months. Totally bloody unreasonable.