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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you cannot possibly support a family on 29K?

444 replies

AliceBlackwell · 30/07/2010 13:35

Please please please tell me I AM being unreasonable! My DH has been offered a wonderful job which he would love to take, but the pay is only 29K. Taking the job would mean leaving London, and while I do appreciate that salaries do drop outside London, I really fear that this is just not enough money to support a family.

Back story: we do not have children yet, plan on TTC in a few months. I am self-employed; when we have a baby I will have to stop work (at least for a few months) and will have no income. We have no savings, having recently finished paying off debt (credit cards, old student loans etc.) and do not own a house. This will mean moving to a new city, renting, trying to save for a mortgage, hopefully starting a family - all on 29K!

I have namechanged to prepare for inevitable flaming. I don't mind being told I am being unreasonable/ridiculous - I hope I am! It just seems such a huge drop from what we are earning now, and believe me, it doesn't feel like we are living the high life.
Please tell me money goes much further outside London, and that it would be possible to have a comfortable life on this money. I didn't grow up in the UK, and have only been living here a couple of years, so don't really have any point of reference apart from London. I know that we haemorrhage money just opening the front door here.

Looking forward to being told IABU.

OP posts:
OrmRenewed · 30/07/2010 13:47

Where are you going? That does make a difference to housing costs.

I don't blame you being nervous but it will be fine.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2010 13:47

Yes, because the entire UK is dead cheap compared to London .

And honestly, you don't even have kids yet.

Cross bridges when you come to them, don't count chickens before they hatch and all that.

mummysgoingmad · 30/07/2010 13:47

29k!!! I live on 1/3 of that if your lucky and we manage just fine.

YABU!

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2010 13:48

Easy to say 'it's cheaper outside London', statistically of course it is.

But housing costs very wildly across the country. DP and I both earn decent wages but can't afford a house with a garden because we live in Edinburgh. That's way north of the Watford Gap, but trust me, they aren't giving houses away.

As for supporting a family on 29k, well how long is a piece of string. It depends on so many factors. You aren't even pg yet so you could you save etc, and you could start off in a small flat and move only when you need to.

I don't understand couples buying 4 bed detacheds in order to start a family, fine if that's what they can afford but if not then why stretch yourself until you need to.

StewieGriffinsMom · 30/07/2010 13:50

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drosophila · 30/07/2010 13:50

Look at this link www.ifs.org.uk/wheredoyoufitin/ to see where it puts you compared to national average.

It really depends on your outgoings. Check out the budget planner in Money Saving Expert site.

JustShaggingForNow · 30/07/2010 13:50

YANBU

DH and I have a combined salary that puts us into 6 figures but we still can't really afford to have children. It depends on your corcumstances OBV but for us, 2 mortgages and sets of household bills along with student loans etc mean that whilst we are pretty asset rich, we're cash poor.

I am sure it is possible to survive on £29k if you have no major outgoings, don't take holidays abroad or go out and are very frugal when it comes to material posessions.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2010 13:51

Some parts in the North very expensive, indeed.

Aberdeen, for example, has knocked Edinburgh off the top peg for most expensive rents in Scotland.

Also, sometimes the place is cheap, but the area is dire and the cost to get into a good area is £££.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2010 13:54

Maybe his kids feel that if he had wanted to do something serious about their relationship with hm, he'd have gotten off his backside and done it by now.

But as he hasn't, then stuff him.

I know plenty of adults who feel this way about their parents, even if the marriage broke down for other reasons.

And as a result they don't have anything to do with their parent.

Their choice.

expatinscotland · 30/07/2010 13:54

Oops, wrong thread!

kickassangel · 30/07/2010 13:55

work out how much he'll be bringing home each month (remember he'll pay less tax), then look up the cost of renting where you'd move to - and don't just look at hte cheapest, as there may well be a reason why they're cheap.

think about the cost of bills, and allow some money for clothes, food etc including things for a baby. assume that you'll earn nothing, and allow for SOME savings - even if only 50 quid a month.

how does it all add up?

that is your worst case scenario. if you can survive that, it may well be easier than you think.

UnquietDad · 30/07/2010 13:55

Depends what you expect, doesn't it? No, on £29K you're not going to get a mortgage on a 4-bed house with a nice garden in a decent area of Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield or Newcastle. But you'd get a decent little house in an OK area.

Many, many people manage on far, far less. £29K is above the national average wage. What do you feel you are entitled to?

maduggar · 30/07/2010 13:56

lol wrong thread I think

lucky1979 · 30/07/2010 13:56

I had the (nice) surprise of my life when I moved out of London. I still own a one bedroom flat in London, and I rent it out for nearly twice the total rent on our three bedroom semi-detatched house a really good area which is in the catchment area of two really good schools in the East Midlands.

Have a look on rightmove and see if you'll make a saving there.

domesticsluttery · 30/07/2010 13:58

YABU.

DH earns less than that and we have 3 DC, and we manage fine.

We don't live in London though.

gorionine · 30/07/2010 13:58

Maybe it depends where you live. In the North West, that amount has been enought in recent years to provide for our family of 6.

Original poster
AliceBlackwell · 30/07/2010 14:01

It would be Bristol.
Thanks for all the YABUs - it is helping to reassure me. I know I sound like a spoilt princess, but I am speaking honestly of my fear, which my very well prove to be unfounded.

OP posts:
FakePlasticTrees · 30/07/2010 14:02

It is cheaper outside of London, but it depends how much further outside of London, if you need to be commutable to London (as commutable to London has a premium for not just housing, but often for services too).

Also, I know some areas round Manchester/north Cheshire are similar prices to the Kent/Surrey commuter belt for London - there's been a few people my Uncle knows who have taken massive pay cuts to move up North "where it's cheap" and are rather horrifed by the fact that a lot of nice areas still aren't affordable as the wage fall is more than the lifestyle cost fall. (hope that makes sense!)

You will be entitled to some help on maternity leave.

And it is possible, even in relatively central London, to live as a family on £29k, but it's by no means a lavish lifestyle. (still, with a baby you don't have the time and energy to go out for posh meals, so that cuts your outgoings! )

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2010 14:03

SWG, you must be like me!

Every week DP and I play the self torturing parlour game 'let's move to Fife'.

The object of the game is to look in the paper at the houses you could afford to buy in Fife for the same price as your shoebox in Edinburgh, until such time as you are both vomiting with rage and envy.

It raises the blood pressure without fail each time! I think I need to step away from the ESPC

FakePlasticTrees · 30/07/2010 14:04

Oh, x post - don't know the costs of living in Bristol, but it's a uni town which often pushes up rental prices compared to being just a bit further out...

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2010 14:04

I don't think you sound spoiled at all OP. Nobody would like to see their income drop, regardless of what that income is. You're just asking a reasonable question.

sarah293 · 30/07/2010 14:05

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SleepyCaz · 30/07/2010 14:06

It is a perfectly reasonable amount to live on. We live on almost the same, but slightly less.

We have 2 kids, DH works FT, I work PT, rent a large 3 bed semi and have plenty left over most months for the odd treat.

Food and bills are NOT that much different outside London. A bit, but not a great deal.

Chil1234 · 30/07/2010 14:08

Ignorance tends to breed fear. Do your research on the area, know your income and expenses thoroughly, budget for some rainy day savings. Then you can make an intelligent decision about where to locate your home, when to have children or whatever and - although challenging - not anything like frightening.

Tip... a smaller house in an more expensive, upcoming area (good schools etc) is often a better buy than a big house in a 'cheap' area. Right now there are still plenty of bargains

ElusiveMoose · 30/07/2010 14:10

YANBU to worry, but you'd be amazed how much you can slash your income and still get by. We live on DH's £32k salary, which was reduced from nearer £100k when I stopped working. Ok, we did have a lot of 'spending money' before we had kids, but cut out the foreign holidays, posh meals out etc and we get by quite happily. Live in home counties in lovely village with one car. V little left over for holidays, expensive treats etc, but it depends how much you feel you need that sort of stuff. To be fair, we did build up a nice amount of savings while I was earning, which you obviously don't have - but I'd still say it's perfectly doable if you move out of London and are willing to give up some of the luxuries. It may sound cheesy, but money doesn't equate to happiness (although obviously proper poverty does lead to unhappiness) - if your DH has a 'wonderful' job and you find a nice place to live and start a family, that sounds like a pretty good recipe to me.