Witnessing abuse of children

[PosieParker]

I've been reading a fair few threads recently about adults who witness parents being vile to children and do nothing about it. I have on a number of occasions phoned the police when children/babies don't have car seats, reported a woman who smacked, what looked like, her granddaughter and shoved here in a van with no seats, confronted a woman that threatened to smack her dds face (she was uber rough and the little girl was about six) she also threatened the little girl with her father when she got home, the list goes on. I have never been hit although threatened.

Am I unreasonable to think it's just me who speaks out?

These reporting things have happened over eight years, it's hardly as if I have a voice activated number to my local police. Not crazy just couldn't live with the thought that it goes unnoticed, unreported,.

One time when I told a woman to put her child in a seat instead of squeezing her arm, and practically throwing her in the car (girl made no fuss which really worried me) she drove off and because I said I'd phone the Police I saw her pulled over just down the road putting the little girl in a car seat.

And I disagree about being able to accurately read body language, even the so called 'experts' have trouble reading non-verbal communication.

/Raging banshee is very different to sinister growling and grabbing, threatening with violence..

Besides I have enough experience of DV to know about it, thanks and I was never told off in public by the parent that tried to drown my sister.

children with 'different dads' are at least 5 times more likely to be abused than those with their natural father. It's not an unreasonable thing to mention.

Hang on, the man was huffing and puffing, looking sheepish and stressed, not talking to a screaming 4 month old baby, he looked exhausted, when I offered the first time he declined to be polite and said things like'No it's too much trouble, it's okay, we'll get by'

So when I went back I said that he could refuse by I really didn't mind, know what it's like to be exhausted and have a small baby. I thought he was going to cry with relief when he handed over the baby, who after 5 minutes burped. The father asked my name and used it repeatedly to say thanks Posie, Thanks Posie, so kind..... so I think I was pretty spot on, don;t you?

Al..what's your point? She didn't get her children taken away did she? She was reported. Are you saying let's walk on by make your job easier?

In defence of Posie, I think we have become more afraid as a society of intervening with things that may or may not be dangerous.

When you were a child, do you remember all the scary old ladies who would shout at you in the street? (for riding your bike on the pavement, or walking two-abreast or giggling with your friends or whatever). Don't think their are many old ladies shouting at the (seemingly many) parents who use disgusting language on their children. (Haven't witnessed it myself but if I heard a parent using f or cin front of a child I would be outraged.)

And, yes, neglect is abuse.

So maybe we should be more concerned.

I am trying to imagine DH's response if some woman in the supermarket tried to insist that she hold DS. This is not a pretty picture.

Where the fuck do you live that you see so much child abuse? I have seen people be a bit hard on their kids, I have been the person losing her rag and yelling, but I haven't seen anything I would call "abuse".

If I did my reaction would depend on whether I had my DC with me, quite bluntly I am not willing to risk my DC's safety for the sake of another child. If I didn't have them with me then I would probably say/do something.

But as I said, I am yet to come across anything I could actually call "abuse", plenty of crap parenting moments but nothing terribly noteworthy.

Is that what your life consists of. running grassing people up on a judgemental hunch, what if they were just having a bad day, you dont actually know.

and surely if these children were in danger a neighbour/family member or school would notice this more than you could.

i know that its not always the case, however there only seem to be the odd few that slip through the net.

if i spent my life doing this i would have to have police/ss on redial on my phone.

unless you feel they really are in immediate danger i say keep your nose out.

And no wonder the police are never policing this area, if people like you have them running around for every damn thing you want to report.

and i agree with al, that was very bad form to pretend to be a SW, maybe you should be grassed up for impersonation?? (if thats how its spelt)

Its just all incredibly difficult

I have had people make terrible assumptions about me because of circumstances and I am sure I would have resented the hell out of their reporting me.
One woman made a quick assessment of what was happening with me and DS2 is Boots and decided that shouting at me that I should not be allowed to have children and then slapping me for good measure, was the way to go.

I did report a woman who was living upstairs from me as there was really some nasty shit going on. I couldn't prove anything but the children were withdrawn and sad and at night I could hearthem crying. The nightthe little girl was just pleading not to be hurt did it. But nothing happened as far as I could tell.

And whilse on holiday last week I was in the sea and saw this guy backing his 9 or 10 year old daughter deeper in so nearly out of her depth and then shoving her under the water repeatedly saying 'don't answer me back..' The mum flapped about saying 'oh don't Peter'. I started striding purposefully towards him before I had thought about it. He backed off from her and went inside, Dh caught me up to tell me to leave it and I just floundered around feeling useless.

I hate that we never really know what we have seen yet sometimes are left honestly feeling that a child in a bad situation is being left to their own devices.
having been abused myself it makes me doubly sad but doubly aware that these things are never straightforward. I am pretty sure that I would have lied and lied to stop people/outsiders finding out what was going on.

Don't really know what my point is except that it is never a straightforward case of one should do x or one should do y. And it is incredibly sad

I Think you can only really report them if you've seen it happen a couple of times or other people have also seen it you know if you live near by etc.

It makes my blood boil though when i see children being treated badly...

I also say to my DS im going to tell daddy you've been naughty today but i dont do it in a threating kind of way just then he knows he will lose his stars of his chart.I hope this doesnt come across as out of order when i'm out.

Totally agree Morloth. My DH would have died of embarrassment if that had happened to him. It was hard enough to get him to take DD out anywhere on his own when she was tiny, as he worried he wouldn't know what to do if she cried (or needed bfing)! It was nonsense cos he was as capable as me (possibly more so!) but someone confronting him and highlighting his 'failure to cope' would have just about finished him off!

You just cannot judge everyone by your own standards. Surely the time you seem to devote to worrying about other people's defective parenting would be better spent on your own children??

Don't come to Italy on holiday, you'll be on the phone every ten seconds reporting children in front seats with no belts on. When you've finished with them, you'll probably crash into me coming the other way as I try to get my five year old to put his belt back on because it's soooo funny to take it off every three minutes.

endangered, so so true about Italy! when we arrived with newborn DS my SIL took him in her arms and went off in car , with him in front seat!

I was like

their smoking around kids would be frowned on here too. But you cant get all cats bum faced about it can you.....

Oh DH wouldn't have died of embarrassment, the offending woman might have though.

This isn't Italy is it? Good Lord I go on holiday to China and see plenty of children slapped hard by anyone who fancies it, no car/road safety and tiny children outside shops/restaurants alone at night.

Tiredmumno1 Fri 30-Jul-10 14:43:59
And no wonder the police are never policing this area, if people like you have them running around for every damn thing you want to report.

and i agree with al, that was very bad form to pretend to be a SW, maybe you should be grassed up for impersonation?? (if thats how its spelt)

Only a few that slip through the net? Are you mad? 4, at risk, children die every week.

And maybe out of the ten or so people I've reported for no car seats and the four or so I've reported/intervened about the violence threatened to or administered to their children it may have made a small difference.