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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Witnessing abuse of children

191 replies

PosieParker · 30/07/2010 12:30

I've been reading a fair few threads recently about adults who witness parents being vile to children and do nothing about it. I have on a number of occasions phoned the police when children/babies don't have car seats, reported a woman who smacked, what looked like, her granddaughter and shoved here in a van with no seats, confronted a woman that threatened to smack her dds face (she was uber rough and the little girl was about six) she also threatened the little girl with her father when she got home, the list goes on. I have never been hit although threatened.

Am I unreasonable to think it's just me who speaks out?

OP posts:
Altinkum · 30/07/2010 13:22

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porcamiseria · 30/07/2010 13:23

wow how self righteous are you??????

firstly I dont classify no seat belts as "child abuse" . Its dangerous for sure, but you insult people that have been abused my making this comparison

secondly some people do get angry/tired/stressed and they smack. No its not very nice but it does not immediately equate to child abuse, and you know what there are SHIT parents out there. I think this zeal to report all bad parents is misguided

Obviously if you see someone stubbing out fags on their child, then you have a fair case

But to report what you have described here, misguided , nosy, I could go on

Have you NEVER lost your rag??

sarah293 · 30/07/2010 13:29

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LynetteScavo · 30/07/2010 13:31

No seat belts is neglect, and therefore child abuse.

SomeGuy · 30/07/2010 13:33

Why shouldn't you report people not having car seats/seat belts? They might send a PCSO over, have a word and potentially save a life in the event of a crash.

I guess that's just 'misguided, nosy', who gives a fuck about kids anyway, let's have them all go sailing through the windscreen.

coraltoes · 30/07/2010 13:34

you're probably not witnessing child abuse but aggressive and somewhat scary parenting. There is a difference. I do understand you get upset at seeing parents behave like that, and it saddens me too but i do not ever intervene and jump to conclusions...that is way too risky.

If someone had reported my dad for the 1 time he lost it with me, our family would have crumbled. Instead he realised he had overreacted when he smacked me hard and shouted (I spilled a whole bottle of Opium perfume down my dress after being told not to touch it) and sat down and apologised for it shortly afterwards, and never smacked me again. Even today tears come to his eyes if it ever gets mentioned. He had a migraine and it was just the straw that broke the camel's back.

Parents are human, they get tired, they get narky, ill, whatever and snap. Fortunately children often see the situation for what it was and move on..it is adults who tend to judge things through more negative lenses.

babywalks · 30/07/2010 13:38

do you seriously go around reporting people who don't have a car seat in their car? why? its not abuse ffs. Recently my mum and step dad picked me and DD (14months) up to go round to their house. I was heavily pregnant and so didn't have the energy to bump DD in buggy down 2 flights of stairs and walk the 15mins to the bus stop. DD's car seat was in our car and my finance had it at work with him. DD sat on my mums knee in the back of their car with the seat belt around them. I know this was wrong but it was a one time thing and I seriously would've gone balistic if a random person had reported me for 'abuse'

Like porcamiseria says, you are really insulting those who have been abused by saying this.

montmartre · 30/07/2010 13:40

who exactly do you report children not in car seats/without seat belts to?

babywalks · 30/07/2010 13:40

'fiance' not finance, how the hell did I get those mixed up

Altinkum · 30/07/2010 13:40

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Fibilou · 30/07/2010 13:41

Not wearing a seatbelt is bloody dangerous. You might cause an accident yourself, someone else could crash into you and cause fatal or life-changing injuries. You probably wouldn't get much compensation as you weren't wearing a belt. An adult can weigh the risks up and make a decision for themselves, the child cannot do that so it is the adult's reponsibilty to secure them. Children are very vulnerable in the event of an accident, they are small and light which means they get thrown around much more easily than an adult.

So no, I do not think the OP is being U to report someone for failing to strap their child into their car, risking its life and I would not hesitate to report it. I have worked in the police long enough to know the potential results of not belting up

Riven, I know that you have different circumstances than most of us on here so I understand why your DD might not be belted up - but for the rest of us there is no excuse. The children playing up is no excuse - would you let your child run into a road because it was playing up ? Of course not, it would be dangerous. Well so is not wearing a belt. I would not get into a car if I could not secure my child.

Seatbelts are one of my passions, as you might be able to tell !

mamatomany · 30/07/2010 13:43

DD sat on my mums knee in the back of their car with the seat belt around them. I know this was wrong.

Seriously that is the worse thing you can do better to put her on the floor or the seat next to you, anything but this in even a minor crash you'd kill her with your weight crushing her in the seat belt.

Fibilou · 30/07/2010 13:44

" I seriously would've gone balistic if a random person had reported me for 'abuse' "

And as a police officer pulling you over I would have gone ballistic at the pathetic reason you have just given for putting your child's life at risk.

It astounds me that people are so blasé about safety in the car - 8 people are killed EVERY DAY in car accidents in the UK and it is the most likely way to meet a sudden death.

And yes, it is child neglect. It is neglecting to do all you can to ensure they are safe.

Altinkum · 30/07/2010 13:45

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porcamiseria · 30/07/2010 13:46

I recently posted on here to get advice about how to get mail order car seats abroad, so I do care (and I bought one too)

But if people really think its OK to go around reporting this??? sweet jesus....

what about buses and trains????

I am sure that if anyone saw a child having the shit kicked out of them we would ALL DO SOMETHING

some of youse are scary!

and please lets not confuse child abuse, with neglect, and then safety , they are not one and the same

babywalks · 30/07/2010 13:47

mamatomany - thanks I will know that from now on but like I said, it was a one time thing.

I still do not believe that not using a seat belt/car seat is neglect or abuse. Yes it is dangerous but its not neglect.

When we used to go on our summer holiday their were 4 of us in the back, none of us wore seat belts. When my mum and dad brought me home from the hospital when I was born my mum held me in her arms in the front seat the whole way home. Yes I know that things are very different now but I was certainly not neglected or abused as a child.

Altinkum · 30/07/2010 13:48

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SomeGuy · 30/07/2010 13:49

'youse'?

Is this a wind-up?

Car seats are required by law, and it's most definitely not unreasonable to suggest that it's enforced.

LynetteScavo · 30/07/2010 13:50

babywalk....in that situation, I just wouldn't have gone out. I can't think of anything that would make me risk my childs life like that.

mamatomany · 30/07/2010 13:50

Yes it is dangerous but its not neglect.

It's against the law which is really the end of the conversation. As you say it's a one off and you got away with it but please don't do it again if she's killed you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you'd walked that 15 mins

mummysgoingmad · 30/07/2010 13:52

one of these days you may "intervene" and get a smack in the mouth for your troubles..just a thought!

Have none of these mothers who you have told off not told you where to go? If it was me (which it wouldn't as i would never do the things you have described) i would tell you to butt out and mind you own buisness.

Altinkum · 30/07/2010 13:53

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porcamiseria · 30/07/2010 13:54

someguy, sorry if my fast typed use of slang annoyed you.

Look if people really want to go around reporting every tom, dick and harry that dont have a seat belt, fine. their call. wont affect me as we always use one anyway.

but it does not sit well with me, for various reasons

I think the OP has a fair point. god knows when we read the stories about Baby P et al, I am sure we all get enraged that noone did anything

Just maybe not the best examples that she used, muddying the water and all that

SomeGuy · 30/07/2010 13:55

Altkinum? From the OP ' I have on a number of occasions phoned the police when children/babies don't have car seats'

Nobody said anything about reporting it to SS.

MorrisZapp · 30/07/2010 13:57

I wouldn't report any of the examples given on this thread tbh. The bottom line is, loads of parents are utterly crap, nasty people, ill tempered and foul mouthed. None of it matters a hoot to SS, thay have their hands full with people who beat their children, have sex with them and starve them.

I saw a doc about kids living with drug addicted parents - it was heart breaking. SWs were saying 'we'd love to do so much more for these kids but there are too many of them and we don't have the resources'.

If they don't have the resources to deal with kids caring for their drug addicted parents, then I don't imagine they will be able to do much with a guy in a tracksuit shouting the f word at his four year old in Maccy D's.