AIBU to think that childfree living forum is sick!!!

[dekoLL]

but the language used on this site is just shocking! if you all got such a perfect , selfulfilling life, why are you wasting it by ranting on this forum, even more..wasting time looking through mums forums to show off how negative parent?s life is. This is just pathetic!!!! You show such a strange hatred to mums and whole idea of parenthood, and created new concepts and meanings around this hate. This looks almost like hitlero style site. I cannot comprehend how can you be so spiteful and why to women that choose to have children, although you are yourself children of mothers that are just the same as the ones that you attacking. Moos.....baybee....that is so childish and sick! And i think you all like little never- to ? grow up children, and that?s why having kids scares you so much. This forum could be a perfect source of perfect psychology PhD thesis.....
sick ideology of never milked cows...mooooooooooo!!!!!!!

You dont need to have children to crash into other peoples cars either. Two childfree people in the last six months have managed to crunch into mine

I'm going to completely stir things up and say that the childfree shouldn't winge about spending more hours in work than us ''breeders'' because being a mum is bloody hard and valuable work in itself and at least the childfree can go out all night at the weekend and let their hair down. If they have no other responsibilities why shouldn't they pull their wieght?
I do work btw and I am trying to start my own jewellery business.
I am proud to be a ''breeder''. I am not bitter, I have loads more patience even though I do envy the freedoms that the child free have.
I would hate to be any of those saddos on that site.

Poshsinglemum: can I correct you on a factual inaccuracy. Not all child free people go out all night at the weekend to let their hair down, for heaven's sake. Just because a person is child-free, doesn't mean they necessarily behave like a teenager.

You also imply that the childfree should make more of an effort to 'pull their weight' in the workplace because they have no other responsibilities. I can only assume you don't know many child-free people.

I'm child-free, but most of my friends are Mums, they're all great girls and I love seeing their children. Thankfully my friends don't assume, like you, that I'm a frivilous waste of space - you really sound like you look down your nose at the child-free. And that's a shame, cos I certainly don't look down my nose at Mums. Please don't make assumptions about people, simply because they've made different life choices to you.

Heh I went there accidently, I was reading article on bbc, and under the article there was a link to this forum, which I did not know it was a forum! Was curious about childfree living and their feelings..but did not expect to find what I?ve found. No, when I went there you could see everything without login in. I?ve change my username for this post lol
I wonder if this forum only shows that we should, as mothers pay more attention to what we say around childfree people ? sometimes they might feel offended and this might result in the site like this. You never know why people might not have children, they may well can?t have and say they don?t want to have cause they don?t want the pity from others. Self defence I suppose. This anger must be from somewhere, and probably a result of our child orientated society. I would say actually that having knowledge of such sites might be an eye opener (for me as well), and help us to understand that we should be more careful at asking people when they gone have children and why if not etc...

Petal02.... she said can go out, not do. The thing about the workplace is just silly. You're not childfree as you have a stepson, wow he must be very lucky having you as a 50% resident parent that considers herself childfree.

BTW I don?t think that childfree people are waste of space. They are very valuable part of our society! If everybody would have children, we wouldn?t have those scientists who work 20 hours a day to discover/create/make/research to make our society better. I?m sure there are parents among them as well. But when I look around, those that do not have children accomplish a lot in a time that we spent on children ? which is indeed equally valuable ?but then equally needed.

They haven't closed - you know have to apply to join - "Moosnet think we have closed but that's because they are stupid"

now, even.

Posie - I assume the definition of being child-free is someone who's never given birth to a child? And my point to Poshsinglemum, is that just because I've never given birth, doesn't mean I don't have other responsibilities. Yes, I do have a stepson, but I've never had a baby myself.

Good thing for them that their parents didn't think the same way....

"I meant that the childfree do have to put up with a certain amount of rudeness, hostilitiy and even unfair treatment from breeders (a common grudge point for the childfree is the workplace attitude that the childfree are always available to cover when breeders have childcare issues or parenting duties to fulfill - if you are childfree but have (for instance) an adult dependent who you care for, or like to spend your weekends doing charity work, or even if you do like to spend your weekends Having Fun, it's not all that fair to be told over and over again that your time, your life, your interests and your needs come second to those of people who are parents"

SGB - I think the problem with the "stupid breeders take advantage of the child free and make them do their work" argument is that, unless the child free are planning to live in a shack with no utilities or anything else then they need to accept that those who do chose to have children are performing a necessary function to keep society operating in the future. Otherwise, once this generation hits pensionable age that would be it - no doctors, no police, nobody to work at the electric company, nobody to drive the buses....children are necessary for not only the general survival of the species, but also for the preservation of the conveniences and mod cons which everyone, child free or otherwise enjoy. So I think that it's reasonable that childcare and parenting duties get some priority as it is another form of work (very rewarding work, but still work), and one which the childfree will benefit greatly from as the next generations become the main workers.

It's the same reason you're not allowed to opt out of your taxes going towards schools if you don't have children - the children are being educated so they can benefit society as a whole in the future. Child free people will reap the benefits of there being a next generation without any of the work that goes with raising it, so I don' think that they are particularly hard done by.

Parents taking the piss is a different case, and if they're taking three days of because their PFB has stubbed toe then they're just as bad as the childfree person who calls in sick for three days with a hangover.

I came across this site a good few years ago and I always thought that the members spoke good sense, I have friends who are childfree by choice, my choice is to have only one child and I still get 'bingoed' !! so I can see where they're coming from, married and no children?? no wonder they get fed up being asked about it. Then again, there is one person there who is obviously a childhater, highlandcoffee. Scary ramblings from a very messed up person.

God, if I was childfree I would be off in Asia in a 5-star hotel with my handsome fella, admiring my lovely flat stomach and wondering what to do with all my spare loot, not on a site for child-haters on t'interweb.

Some people have too much time on their hands I guess...

'unless the child free are planning to live in a shack with no utilities or anything else then they need to accept that those who do chose to have children are performing a necessary function to keep society operating in the future. '

I don't think that sentence is fair tbh and actually just shows that parents can feel more entitled just because they have children,

Childfree people will include people who can't have children, don't want children because of their own history (I know some people who have had abusive childhoods who don't want a child because of it) or just because they don't have a child yet doesn't mean that they should take a back seat on living their life and kowtow to those of us who have had sex without contraception.

I'm not saying that parents are more clever or more special, I'm saying that child rearing is a function needed for the continuation of society. So when people have to take time off work to do that then they aren't just selfish stupid breeders out to make the child free life a misery (which is the particular attitude I was addressing), they actually are doing something that benefits the childfree in the long run as well, not just doing it for their selfish desires. It's pointing out the vitriolic attitude the child haters have (of which, as you point out, they are a subset, not the entire set of the child free) is particularly misplaced as they will be enjoying the benefits of the breeder's labour throughout society later in life.

Let's be clear as well, we're really talking about mothers here aren't we? Because they do the bulk of the childcare and taking time off work to deal with child issues. So, if you take the approach that no one should be able to take time off to deal with parenting and childcare issues so as not to negatively effect those without children then the result is that one parent is going to have to stay at home full time as there are always going to be times when work has to be sacrificed (e.g. sick children, emergencies). I don't bitch if someone with an illness has to take time off, I don't bitch when parents have to take time of to deal with a sick child. Because the alternative is that sick people and people with children (and in our society that still means mainly mothers) aren't able to work at all. And I don't think that that is better in the long run.

Child free people who don't want those who are rearing children to have ANY impact on their lives whatsoever, but will benefit from the labour of these children in the future have an entitled attitude as well. Unless they're going opt out of these benefits and go and live in that shack I mentioned.

I copied and pasted the wrong bit

'So I think that it's reasonable that childcare and parenting duties get some priority as it is another form of work (very rewarding work, but still work), and one which the childfree will benefit greatly from as the next generations become the main workers. ' that bit is what I meant

I do agree that the vitriol is entirely unnecesary but the idea that someone should let a relative stranger be treated as more important because they have children and for whatever unknown reason you do not is very unfair.
Pre children I was the only non parent on my team and if there was a long job on I was expected to stay as they had to go to pick ups/childcare etc.
Now I can see that a small child needs a parent to be able to get them and did it but felt very unfairly discriminated against. It that wasn't fair on me, and I have children now, so do I get that free time that I lost back?

I'm not saying parents shouldn't take time off, I'm saying that they shouldn't assume that non parent sare able and shoudl be willing to cover when they have to.

"Now I can see that a small child needs a parent to be able to get them and did it but felt very unfairly discriminated against. It that wasn't fair on me, and I have children now, so do I get that free time that I lost back?"

Yes you do, when you are the one that needs to go and do pick ups and so on. Unless people are starting work at 18/21 with school age children in tow, they've all been there as well.

Thoe who don't ever have children don't get that time back it's true. But I bet they get promoted faster than the mother who goes home and then logs back on once the children are in bed and does the equivalent work as they are seen to be more visibly committed to the job.

"I'm not saying parents shouldn't take time off, I'm saying that they shouldn't assume that non parent sare able and shoudl be willing to cover when they have to."

But if no one will cover for them then they can't take time off. So they can't work as they can't take time off when they need to and we're right back to mothers staying at home again.

Lucky79: but just because people are not looking after children doesn't mean that they are not doing valuable work. If, for instance, they are being unpaid carers to elderly or sick relatives or friends they might get a bit fed up with always being expecte to take second place to the breeders.

Don't most mothers know what it's like to be childfree, and thus expected to take up the slack? it's only a small portion of our working lives that we have small children requiring the flexibility that SGB's talking about. So I think it's odd to say that we don't understand. Giving birth hasn't cauterised my memories, or anything, I remember what it was like to be sans child.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I have more sympathy/empathy for people caring for elderly or SN relatives, coping with invisible disabilities and suffering from various prejudices now than I did then.

But then again, Deko, I have to say that your statement that you had no idea that there were people out there who didn't like mothers and children made me smile. I mean, really? It had never occurred to you? There's not a demographic in the world that you can't find a group to hate.

And capricorn:
I'm not an animal, I don't breed.

Yes you are. And yes you do, if you have children.

tortoiseonthehalfshell - well, it did not, as this is the group that virtually everybody belongs to (everybody is somebody's child)so its rather a paradox to hate own origins. Motherhood is the source of existence - no mothers no people. its the same logic as to hate food- you dont hate it (becouse you cant live without it) - well unless you ill...this would probably follow the CFL forum.

Well, I had a look at that site yesterday, and frankly, I'd come across such language and attitudes before, on the internet.

Was fine with childfree people venting then. Still am now.

People say mean things on the internet. Who knew? I for one am really glad this shocking development has been brought to my attention.