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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think that Denise Fergus should have stayed at home?

385 replies

2blessed2bstressed · 23/07/2010 13:38

I don't understand why she (mum of Jamie Bulger) had to go and sit in court when John Venables was being sentenced for his more recent crime. I will never forget the horror of hearing what happened to her little boy, and I know that she will never get over it - but how can it possibly help her to keep appearing on tv and making statements about what happens now? She seems to feel she has a right to be told all about everything, and while I can sympathise with her opinion to a certain extent I don't know that she does really. I saw her being interviewed when he was arrested earlier in the year and she said she'd had to keep her children off school because of the publicity - but she seems to be generating a lot of it herself.
Please don't think me hard hearted, it's just that I don't get it.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 23/07/2010 13:39

no neither do i....BUT i have never been in her shoes,so have no idea how she should be reacting.

scurryfunge · 23/07/2010 13:40

I think the press will always be chasing her for a comment. It is probably easier for her to oblige.

I think that if someone had murdered my child, I would have an obsessive interest in their movements too.

shinyshoes · 23/07/2010 13:41

I think she wants justice for Jamie, she never really go it did she and until she sees justice being served I don't think she can really move forward

LadyBlaBlah · 23/07/2010 13:42

I think it is none of your business what she choses to do

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 23/07/2010 13:42

I think she feels that justice was never done as she feels that both her sons killers were treated too leniently. Maybe she feels that by keeping the case in the public eye her son won't be forgotten and neither will those who killed him be allowed to get on and lead a normal life. That's my take on it anyway. Maybe she's a grieving mother who can't let go? Who's to say how any of us would react in similar circumstances.

AgentZigzag · 23/07/2010 13:43

I genuinely hope you never have to find out how she feels about the murderers of her child, and why she might want to know how else they've been offending.

YABU, she has every right to deal with the death of her child how she is. Just because it was so long ago, it doesn't mean she should be 'over it' by now and not think about him and his torturous death every minute of every day.

Original poster
2blessed2bstressed · 23/07/2010 13:44

I suppose I just think that if she had consistently refused to comment they'd have given up eventually. And I don't think she'll ever see justice, because, after all, what would that justice be?

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 23/07/2010 13:45

I think people in these situations have a wide variety of reactions - some want to be involved in every part of the process, some want to distance themselves and deal with their feelings privately. I don't think anyone can say what their reaction would be if they've not been through something similar - I hope she has people around her to help her cope, whatever she chooses to do.

ReasonableDoubt · 23/07/2010 13:46

She lost her child ion the most brutal and awful way imaginable. I wouldn't feel I had any right to tell her what she should or shouldn't do to ease that pain. If it makes her feel better to stand in the gallery and see Venables banged up, fair enough.

AgentZigzag · 23/07/2010 13:46

Perhaps she wants her voice to be heard? I want to hear what she has to say.

All too often it's the offenders who are heard loud and clear, leaving the victims and their families on the outside.

Original poster
2blessed2bstressed · 23/07/2010 13:47

I never said she should be "over it", that's not what I was asking at all. Please don't think I don't care - I thought I'd made that clear, but it's worth reiterating - I guess I just think that she's torturing herself by doing what she's doing.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/07/2010 13:48

James

His name was James

We cannot say what we would do, or even what we think Denise Fergus should or ought to do or behave because fortunately the vast majority of the populace have never experienced loss like hers

DuelingFanjo · 23/07/2010 13:49

YANBU. I can't understand why she went either.

AgentZigzag · 23/07/2010 13:50

'how can it possibly help her to keep appearing on tv and making statements about what happens now?'

'She seems to feel she has a right to be told all about everything'

'she said she'd had to keep her children off school because of the publicity - but she seems to be generating a lot of it herself.'

These don't seem very sympathetic statements to me, or that you care about how she feels.

AlaskaNebraska · 23/07/2010 13:51

i get the victim thing but the legal side to remember is that it strictly speaking is an offence against the laws of the country not against them. ( think i am explaining it badly)
so its not Bulger v Venables but a crime against teh (wel queen for arguments sake) teh countrys laws.
i do think victims are treated badly BUT i do think we need to retains some independence and objectivity in assessing seriousness of crimes not how well the victims manage the media or how wel they can express themselves in court.

Fizzywinelover · 23/07/2010 13:54

You know, I probably would have agreed with the OP a few weeks ago. But now, with my own son just a couple of weeks old, I think I would never ever let go, and I would fight to the end to see anyone who harmed him brought down. I am not sure I could ever walk away.

GypsyMoth · 23/07/2010 13:54

what was venables being sentenced for?

skidoodly · 23/07/2010 13:54

"She seems to feel she has a right to be told all about everything, and while I can sympathise with her opinion to a certain extent I don't know that she does really."

She has that right. Venables and Thompson were released on licence, but they were given a life sentence for the murder of her son, so she does have certain rights to know what is happening with them.

You think if Denise Fergus refused to comment the press would have lost interest in the Bulger case?

For real? You're blaming the press feeding frenzy around this on James's mother?

skidoodly · 23/07/2010 13:57

ILove

He was senteced to 2 years today for possession of child pornography.

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/jul/23/jon-venables-pleads-guilty

(this article is pretty grim, just to warn you if you're not that interested)

AgentZigzag · 23/07/2010 13:58

'He pleaded guilty to three offences under the 1978 Protection of Children Act. The first involved downloading 57 indecent pictures of children on to his computer between February 2009 and February 2010.

The second involved distributing three indecent photographs of children in February 2010, while a third involved distributing 42 images in February 2008.

Louis Mably, prosecuting, said eight of the images were at level four, the second most serious level of child pornography. Two were at level three, three were at level two, and 44 were at level one, the least serious, he added. The images involved children as young as two years old and some showed the rape of young girls.'

From the beeb.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/07/2010 13:58

I don't think it's unreasonable to query whether or not the way this woman seems to be being encouraged by the media to keep going over and over the loss of her son, is actually good for her.
I'm not sure it's all that healthy to make a tragedy, no matter how horrible, the defining thing in your life forever.

AlaskaNebraska · 23/07/2010 13:59

yes i agree with SGB
no one is saying she hasnt suffered.
teh media like a person to have there - they cant photo anyone else in the story so she is everywhere

prozacfairy · 23/07/2010 13:59

All Denise Fergus ever wanted was justice for James, but she didn't get it. So I can't really blame her for wanting to keep tabs on what either of his murderers are doing. I can't imagine what she must be going through even now all these years later. But I do know that when I hear James' name I hold my little girl a bit tighter.

AlaskaNebraska · 23/07/2010 14:00

oh god here we go
its not about YOU .

scurryfunge · 23/07/2010 14:01

I think only Denise can answer these questions