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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be nervous about leaving 8mo in a room at hotel with intercom...

72 replies

FionaSH · 19/07/2010 20:05

Ok, any of you reading my previous threads will know I'm a worrier, with a difficulty of telling what is "normal" and not over-anxious behaviour.
My latest one that I'd like you to tell me whether I'm being normal is...

Going to a wedding in a hotel. The whole hotel will be our wedding party - no other guests. Bride and groom have arranged for intercoms, so we can leave our DCS, once put down to bed, in our respective rooms. My DS is 8mo. We'd put him to bed at 7pm, and I can't imagine me being later than 10.30pm.
My gut insticnt is "no" and horrible thoughts along the lines of Madeleine McCann. Obviously our door would be locked and we'd have the intercom...

What would a normal person do?? Is this normal wedding state of play?

AIBU??

OP posts:

ArcticRoll · 19/07/2010 20:06

I would go with your gut instinct and not leave your ds.

girlylala0807 · 19/07/2010 20:08

I wouldnt...

Im paranoid too though so perhaps someone less so may be able to try and reassure you.

I think its a bit rude though, not offering proper childcare for you.

potplant · 19/07/2010 20:09

I wouldn't have left my two when they were 8m and I wouldn't do it now they are 6.

Go with your gut

MrsJamin · 19/07/2010 20:09

I don't think I'd do this. Lots of people have keys to rooms in hotels, e.g. cleaners etc.

santander · 19/07/2010 20:09

Personally I wouldn't do it because dodgy members of staff may know of it and have keys or something. Or what if he woke up, alone in a strange place?

It would probably all be perfectly fine but I wouldn't do it I don't think.

YANBU to have reservations..

What about a webcam onto and Iphone or something? That might be an idea if some techno dude could organise it!

slushy · 19/07/2010 20:10

I wouldn't we had a similar wedding a tear ago the dc stayed up late and then me and dp were tired anyway went back with the kids put them to bed late at 9 and went in our jacuzzi.

smokinaces · 19/07/2010 20:10

its a hard one. I went on holiday when my son was 8mo and did this - it was a family run hotel out of season and the only guests were us, and 2 sets of our own friends. I could hear the baby monitor the entire time we were down 1 floor in the bar - it was more like a big house than a huge hotel as it only had 15 rooms.

However, any bigger than this and no, I wouldnt. I knew I could get from bar to our room in less time than it would take me to get from my own back garden to his bedroom at home so was comfortable with it. But a bigger hotel, more people (especially some of which I wouldnt know) no, I wouldnt.

When DS2 was 6mo we went to a wedding. He was a 7pm sleeper, so we took his pram in - he happily settled in a quieter corner of the room with a blanket and slept for a few hours there, which I was much more comfortable with than him being elsewhere.

IMO I would keep him with you, maybe seeing if he will settle in a pushchair.

nigglewiggle · 19/07/2010 20:11

I wouldn't do it. You also need to check what "intercom" means. We stayed at a hotel where they offered an 'intercom service' which basically involved you leaving your phone off the hook in the room and you could then dial in from phones in hotel reception to check on your baby.

I was not comfortable with this set-up so we ended up eating out evening meal in our room.

Do you have anyone who would be willing to babysit in the room for you for 3.5 hours?

ifancyashandy · 19/07/2010 20:11

Your baby - your gut instinct.

But disagree with girlylala - not the B&G's job to organise childcare for you. They've booked the entire hotel - it's your choice whether to use the hotel facilities for baby monitors or not...

Pavlov · 19/07/2010 20:11

I would not at 8months tbh. I did this with DD when she was older, around 2 and slept through when settled without problem even when not at home, but I did check on her still every half hour, and was not entirely at ease. I did not feel as relaxed as if she was say asleep in the pushchair near me, but there were other guests there other than us, who we did not know.

However, at 15 months she slept in the cottage we rented while we partied outside of the cottage to celebrate our own wedding, we had intercom on then, and felt completely relaxed, no one around who we did not know, lots of family around to check on her lots, which they did.

At 8months, she would happily sleep in her car seat under a table in the middle of a party not that we did that much. Is that a possibility?

If your gut instinct shouts no, you have to follow it, otherwise you will have a lousy time worrying anyway.

Melaniefhappy · 19/07/2010 20:12

Could you take a friend, relation or babysitter along who would stay for the two or three hours and then drive home?

For 5 pounds an hour you'd have peace of mind (or whatever is the going rate with you!)

How far is it from home? Could Grandma or Grandad help?

Hope you find a solution.
xx

Pavlov · 19/07/2010 20:14

(when I say we did this when she was 2, we actually went down to the restuarant for dinner, rather than to a party. And did not stay after we had eaten as we were a bit anxious.

PatriciaHolm · 19/07/2010 20:16

Unlike other responses, I would and have done this, pretty frequently, and still do (DCs aged 5 and 4). Only in places where I knew the monitor would work well (so you can't be very far from the room anyway otherwise they don't). So you're only just downstairs from the room anyway - you can't be any further. Our monitor is very sensitive so if - and I don't think it's remotely likely - someone did go in, we would hear them. It's a million miles away from what (may have) happened to Madeline McCann.

wildmutt · 19/07/2010 20:16

I wouldn't do it and would say follow your gut instinct. I went to a wedding at hotel when mine were almost 2 and 4 months. We were staying at the hotel and we got a local babysitter to come in and sit in our room. She had our mobile numbers and she knew we were just downstairs if there was a problem. I wouldn't have been able to relax if they had been on their own with just the monitor.

MrsMalcolmTucker · 19/07/2010 20:16

People do do it, and many parents would feel fine with this I'm sure.

Personally I would freak out, but that's because like you, I'm not good at evaluating risk and responding normally to anxiety. Given that, I'd ruin the event for myself if I tried to do it.

My dh and I went to something similar when DD was about 1 - we took it in turns to sit in the room with a book and a torch for an hour while the other one went downstairs and danced inappropriately. (We don't drink that much so not being hammered wasn't a biggie for us)

char3mum · 19/07/2010 20:17

you are not being unreasonable, over anxious or any other lable you may be given by people irresponsible enough to leave their children alone in a srange room, they is no way i would leave my boys 5 and 3 yrs alone in a hotel room at home or anywhere. you won't hear an intercom over the noise of the reception, you wouldn't visit a neighbour at home and leave him alone, even with a monitor on, and you would be closer, my god there could be a fire or worse, THIS IS NOT NORMAL YOU WOULD NEVER FORGIVE YOURSELF IF SOMETHING HAPPENED YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HEADLINE NEWS THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING

reddaisy · 19/07/2010 20:17

I wouldn't and didn't do this when dp and I went away to the Lakes earlier this year. But the hotel offered a babysitting service instead and a nice, CRB checked woman from a local school came and sat in our room while we had dinner. I got her to sleep first.

Could you do this instead?

mamatomany · 19/07/2010 20:19

I've done it before, I wouldn't do it again, both times the DC woke up screaming and were really upset, never again.

mumoflittlemouse · 19/07/2010 20:19

I absolutely, definately would not do this no matter what the circumstances. You said it yourself in two words, 'Madelaine McCann'. Melodramatic? Maybe, but she disappeared and she is still gone.

Don't put yourself through the worry, plus you'd have your ear glued to the monitor the whole time as wedding receptions are noisy affairs. He probably won't settle if you're not near in a strange environment anyway.

I wouldn't leave our DD even if she was under CCTV surveilance. No, no, no.

Go with the pushchair idea and the worst that can happen is he doesn't settle and gets a bit overtired. At least he will be with you, where you will both be happiest.

I hope you get to have a lovely time. Stick to your instincts and your guns when you get there too as people will try to persuade you otherwise.

Marjee · 19/07/2010 20:21

I'm in a similar situation, going to a family wedding in a hotel with ds who will be 9mo. Pil have arranged an intercom so I can leave ds and stay at the party downstairs but I know I won't be able to relax so I've decided not to leave him. He normally goes to bed at 7 but as its a big family event, strange environment etc I know he won't settle so I'm going to let him stay up, change him into his pjs when he starts getting tired and let him sleep in his pushchair. Is this an option for you? You are obviously not comfortable with the plans as they stand so I doubt you'll enjoy the celebrations anyway.

Original poster

FionaSH · 19/07/2010 20:23

Thanks for all the responses guys - seems on the whole my risk-radar was working appropriately on this!

I must admit I think it was really kind of them to arrange the intercoms (my friend, the bride, doesn't have kids yet, so was really touched she'd even thought of intercoms etc at all) - but if the music is loud, I'll be worrying we won't hear it/its not in range etc, so wouldn't really enjoy myself anyway.

I know it's one of those things where 99% of the time it'd probably be fine, but as someone pointed out, what if he was ill or something and we couldn't tell over the monitor.

I'll speak with my parents and see if they can help out. I really want to go - it'd be my first night out and with the last few months, god I need one!! Plus, he's just given up the dreamfeed, so I could have a drink WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

whoneedssleepanyway · 19/07/2010 20:25

I did this when DD1 was 5 months...i wouldn't do it again, we were back and forth to the room and didn't really enjoy the evening so it was pointless, as i was worrying. She was fine though and even when the fire alarm went off she didn't wake up.

Are there other parents with DCs going that you know. What i would have done in retrospect was made sure that the 3 of us there with babies who were all friends got rooms on the same corridor and then take it in turns for one of us to sit up there outside for say 20 mins and then between 6 of us we would only have had to do it once every 2 hours....

Would that work?

ReasonableDoubt · 19/07/2010 20:25

I wouldn't do this in a million years. You'll just spend the whole evening worrying. Not worth it. Get a babysitter/bring a relative if you can, or bring your baby and then retire early (and raid the minibar ). I did have some success getting my DS to sleep in his buggy at a very raucous wedding once (he was about 18 mths old), but only you know if that is realistic with your baby.

MumNWLondon · 19/07/2010 20:25

Would only do it with babysitter, although have done with shared babysitter between 2 families them in next door room, babysitter sat in corridor outside both rooms, with both doors slightly ajar. She had our mobile number we could be back very quickly if they woke up.

FWIW I would feel slightly happier doing this with 8 month old who is stuck in cot than slightly older child who could get out of bed.

Call hotel and ask if they have babysitting service. Or ask bride and groom if they know anyone?

electra · 19/07/2010 20:27

I wouldn't be happy with this arrangement either and I'm not fussed about leaving my children generally if I know they're safe.

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