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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a failure that 6mo DD is nowhere near sleeping through the night

71 replies

sonostanca · 19/07/2010 09:48

..She is BF and I have always just tried to feed her whenever she wakes - I'll try and gently shush her first but if she starts working up to a cry I'll feed her. She is in our room.

Family - sister,mum, etc - keeps telling me "she should be sleeping through by now!" and that I "need to be firmer with her".

I did try letting her cry once to see if she would self settle whilst I sat by her cot talking to her and stroking her the whole time and she just got more and more upset so I ended up feeding her. It was horrible.

I've been told by one sister I am teaching her to be over attached and that's a bad thing. She CAN go to sleep without me - she's usually asleep when I put her down but sometimes isn't and just gurgles then goes to sleep.

I just feel I've tried to be as responsive to her needs as I can and have ended up messing everything up whilst everyone else's babies are sleeping through.

OP posts:
WowOoo · 19/07/2010 09:52

My one year old still does not sleep through. He needs a quick feed to settle down again. I think this is perfectly normal and I'm happy with it.

Would ignore your family. Don't know if they think they are trying to be helpful but hey are not!

You're not messing anything up - you are being responsive to her needs and doing a great job!

Clayhead · 19/07/2010 09:53

My eldest is 8 now so I'm a long way from this stage but it was exactly the same for me.

My dd co-slept and I had all the "she's too attached", "rod for your own back" comments.

She did start sleeping through (gradually, between 6 months and a year I think.

Just do what makes you and your baby happy

Interestingly, my dd is a brilliant sleeper now and some of her firneds who slept through at 6 months are less so...

You haven't messed up and I can guarantee you that not all other babies are sleeping through!!

kveta · 19/07/2010 09:54

oh, don't listen to them - I'm constantly being told that DS should be sleeping through by now, and he blatantly isn't (although managed 8 hours last night - quite a rare occurence!).

you do what suits you and your baby, and when asked if she's sleeping, say 'yes' and move on to another topic. She's your daughter, and so long as you're not trying to keep her awake at night, and you're both reasonably happy, then go with the flow

(my DS is nearly 10 months, and I had a lot of 'why isn't he sleeping through/in his own room?' from family and friends, and itused to upset me - but now I just ignore it, and tank up on caffiene.)

pjmama · 19/07/2010 09:55

Your family are talking a load of crap. Trust your instincts and carry on as you are and ignore them - better still tell them she's your baby and they can mind their own bloody business! All babies are different and she'll sleep through when she's ready.

Sounds to me like you're doing a brilliant job!

crikeybadger · 19/07/2010 09:55

NO, no, no you - you are not a failure and it's sad that your family are making you feel that way.

Why is that as soon as babies reach six months everyone feels they should be sleeping through?

My 9 mo old still wakes at least once a night and that suits me just fine. Don't worry about what everyone else's babies are doing - just do what feels right for you.

I found this article useful here

oliviacrumble · 19/07/2010 09:55

Ignore your family! What ridiculous 'advice'.

Loads of 6mo babies are not sleeping through the night.

You sound like you're doing a great job, and being a lovely mum.

And as for a 6mo being 'over-attached'... on your behalf!

You haven't messed anything up at all, quite the opposite, I'd say.

Well done you!

seeker · 19/07/2010 09:56

Most babies are not sleeping through at this age. People who tell you that their babies are are generally lying. People who tell you their babies did have forgotten.

You cannot be over attached to your mother at 6 months old - forming good strong attachments to you now will help her form good healthy relationships throughout her life.

Do what feels right to you - feed her when she cries, be gentle with yourself and her and be proud that you are meeting your baby's needs so kindly and sensitively.

You're doing the right think - carry on and ignore the bossy doubters!

mumofthreesweeties · 19/07/2010 09:56

Don't feel like a failure. My DD is one this month and she still does not sleep through. I breastfeed her about twice during the night. My DS who is 5 years old still also wakes up every night to come into our bedroom and squeeze himself in the middle - now there's a failure!!!

EleanorHandbasketsWalking100k · 19/07/2010 09:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Cheepz · 19/07/2010 09:57

DS did not sleep through until 18 months and we tried everything - some babies are restless, light sleepers who feed alot and other sleep through early.

Your family are definitely not helping and don't know their arse from first base - ignore them and trust your instinct. You are her Mum - you are with her all the time - you know what she needs.

Used to piss me off so much when people implied the reason DS didn't sleep was my fault. Sleeps through fine now, just came to it a little longer.

loopyloops · 19/07/2010 10:00

6 months is really early to be worrying about this. DD slept through at 9 months, and for that I had to do (only one night of) controlled crying (being next to the cot or in the room IME made things worse, she got more worked up, if you're going to do this then leave the room.)
Your family will always have something to tell you you're doing wrong. If you can cope with the lack of sleep (I couldn't in the end), then there is nothing wrong. Babies naturally wake in the night and BF babies like to BF for comfort. It's only a problem if it's getting too much for you.

MsPrufrock · 19/07/2010 10:01

I have been forced out of lurker-dom to reassure you and tell you what total complete nonsense your family are talking. A 6 month old being over-attached is a ridiculous idea. And the idea that any child 'should' be sleeping through by a certain age - let alone by 6 months old! - is total garbage.

If it's any consolation, I also BF my little girl, who has always been a reasonably good sleeper - certainly compared to the nightmares many of my friends have been through. She started sleeping through of her own accord at about 9 months and pretty much carried on since then. Like you, I would always feed her if she woke upset, and used to worry I was 'encouraging' her to wake, but in fact this wasn't the case at all. Actually, now when I tell people she's been sleeping through since 9 months they are all v. impressed and jealous, which adds even more weight to the argument that a 6 month old shouldn't have such expectations heaped on them.

By being responsive to her needs, you are being a wonderful parent, and she will grow up happy and secure and knowing she can depend on you. Other people may happen to have babies who sleep through earlier (or babies who wake up hungry, but realise that when they cry nobody comes ) but that shouldn't affect you or the decisions you take about your daughter.

FakePlasticTrees · 19/07/2010 10:01

well I'll join you on the failure bench then, DS is 6.5 months and managed to sleep through for a month, but we're now on week 2 of waking some time between 3-5am.

Tell your sister she's talking crap as 6 month olds haven't learned they are separate human beings from their mothers yet - unless they have attachment issues. If they push you, push back and tell them you aren't going to neglect your child's needs because it makes your life easier.

If shes feeding, she's hungry (DS won't feed in the night when he wakes up, he's just not tired rather than hungry, so your DD must be hungry/thirsty - and the weather is hot, she might just be a bit dehydrated)

WelliesAndPyjamas · 19/07/2010 10:03

such pressure to make babies be trained out of being babies babies need company, comfort, milk, human warmth - what's so wrong with that? it's a strange habit that the west has got in to, distancing themselves from their babies

I was like you with my first baby, always trying to train him in to doing what I thought he was meant to be doing when in actual fact he just wanted to do what came naturally to him. I'm no follower of any 'trend' or book, I just feel that I've been a better parent by following my and baby's instincts the second time around.

FranSanDisco · 19/07/2010 10:05

Dd was 9 mo before she slept through. It didn't last and she returned to her 'habit' . You are responding to your child's needs so don't listen to your family.

threenoisyboys · 19/07/2010 10:06

you are not a failure.

you cannot spoil a 6 month old baby

ds1 didnt "sleep through" till he was nearly two. we coslept. he is now 6 and would sleep in his own bed through a hurricane. we are very close (i'm not sure if its related or not)

meanwhile ds3 has slept through in his own cot since about 4 months.... he didnt like co sleeping at all. personally i wouldnt have minded more overnight cuddles

just smile sweetly at them when the give you the rod for your own back chat. and do what you think is best for your family enjoy the cuddles. they grow up sooooo quickly

ApocalypseFlangePop · 19/07/2010 10:09

Your family are talking rubbish.

Both mine slep through before 6 weeks, but that was just luck, I didnt make them.

Babies sleep through when they're ready and able, end of.

JoandMax · 19/07/2010 10:17

Talking a lot of rubbish, my 4 month old has about 3 feeds a night plus a couple of other wakings for cuddles and I wouldn't expect anything else!

My 2 year old still usually wakes up for a drink and a cuddle, am only up with him for about 10 minutes but anyone and everyone keeps telling me how "awful" this is and I MUST do control crying..........
Ignore ignore ignore!

Galena · 19/07/2010 10:19

My DD is 15 months, she slept through for 4 glorious weeks when she was 11 months. She now sleeps through occasionally. However, other nights she wakes 1-3 times. I love her. I comfort her. She goes back to sleep. One day she'll sleep!

SirBoobAlot · 19/07/2010 10:21

Your family are talking shit.

And you are not a failure.

Children are individuals and will sleep through when they're ready.

constantlytired · 19/07/2010 10:22

Utter utter garbage...its hard enough being a parent without worrying about this as well. My DS is a toddler now and still wakes up during the night, DD was the same. She is 5 now and sleeps brilliantly, hoping DS is the same. You're doing a great job, don't let the sleep deprivation / bad advice convince you otherwise.

nicm · 19/07/2010 10:23

you are not a failure! ds started sleeping through at 14 months- i too co slept and bf. he is now 2.4 years and sleeps really well(bet he doesn't tonight now!) in his room from 8-8 every night and also sleeps during the day.

he is a happy wee man and me and dp were talking about this the other night about how well he sleeps on his own now and we think it was because he wasn't left until he was ready and fed and shushed when he needed it rather than left on his own. i'm now pg with no 2 and would do nothing differently this time except maybe not listen to people saying about oh still /not sleeping through!

yankbabymum · 19/07/2010 10:23

My DS is 6mo and had a couple of phases of sleeping through the night when he was 3mo and 4mo each time for a couple of weeks. Now he's waking once or twice a night and needs feeding.

He's at a stage where he's hungry but not eating solids very well yet so he needs plenty of BF.

It's what he needs so I'm going with it - lots of other mums have said the same thing and seems to me that most babies are not sleeping through at 6mo so dont' worry

MummyBerryJuice · 19/07/2010 10:24

YABU. MY DS is 7months and he also has not slept through. Not once and still wakes up every 2-3hrs during the night for a quick feed. It suits me fine as we are co-sleeping and it doesn't really disturb me. Iot is only an issue when he is teething and doesn't settle as easily.

IMHO you should be proud of yourself for responding to your baby's needs.

TrinityRhino · 19/07/2010 10:27

your family are talking shit

you are doing great

gecko is starting to go longer at night
sometimes 5 or 6 hours instead of 2 hours

she is bf and we cosleep
she is 3 years and 4 months