to feel a failure that 6mo DD is nowhere near sleeping through the night

[sonostanca]

..She is BF and I have always just tried to feed her whenever she wakes - I'll try and gently shush her first but if she starts working up to a cry I'll feed her. She is in our room.

Family - sister,mum, etc - keeps telling me "she should be sleeping through by now!" and that I "need to be firmer with her".

I did try letting her cry once to see if she would self settle whilst I sat by her cot talking to her and stroking her the whole time and she just got more and more upset so I ended up feeding her. It was horrible.

I've been told by one sister I am teaching her to be over attached and that's a bad thing. She CAN go to sleep without me - she's usually asleep when I put her down but sometimes isn't and just gurgles then goes to sleep.

I just feel I've tried to be as responsive to her needs as I can and have ended up messing everything up whilst everyone else's babies are sleeping through.

Our little girl had a lot of trouble sleeping and we tried different things. It was about 14 months before she slept through. I think they get there when they are ready. I think breastfeeding does make a difference, ours slept through once weaned but everything is a balance. We co slept too so it made things easier for me to get myself back to sleep. The cry it out just doesn't work with some kids and you should do what makes you feel comfortable. Be kind to yourself, sounds like you're being kind to babs. :>

YABU to feel a failure. You are not a failure.

My DS is 9.5 months and has technically slept through (12pm-5am) but never the full 12 hours.

My family have learnt to stop asking or telling me what he should be doing as they're either met with sarcasm or I just ignore. A particularly funny moment was when MIL was telling me what I should do but FIL interrupted to say that none of it actually worked

My 6.5 month old dd wakes at night for feeds. She gets so upset if not fed and its far less stressful just to feed her. I used to stress about this issue with my first dc and tried to make him self settle but it is not worth the stress IMO. I am far more relaxed now than I was then.

Our 11 month old has slept through the night only a couple of times but she now only wakes once or twice.

Currently, I leave her two minutes before going in as she'll sometimes self-settle. Otherwise, I'll go in, pick her up and lay her on my lap. Sometimes she'll go back to sleep, if not I'll offer her water in her bottle. Finally, I'll offer her a BF. If I'm tired, she'll come into our bed in the morning and we usually both go back to sleep.

Your DD is quite a bit smaller and at that age I was just BFing on demand. She'll sleep through in the end, how many people do you know that wake up for a bottle during the night?! What you need to ask is... are you're happy with the situation and is DD happy. If so, there's not a problem!

TBH, we stopped mentioning DD's lack of sleeping as it invited well meaning comments from parents. We just say she's sleeping fine.

if that is failure then I have failed on so so so many levels with both mine....YANBU your family are.

you have to do what you feel comfortable with, some people will leave babies to cry some won't.

i was like you, with DD2 kept her in our room till she was 11 months old, fed her through the night (even got to hourly at one point) till she was 7.5 months, at that point i did crack a bit and did reduce the night feeds to once a night.

you will get there, DD2 is one now, shares a room with her sister, sleeps through 730 till 530/6ish, doesn't make a peep, just goes in her cot of an evening and goes to sleep on her own. i could never in my wildest dreams imagine this happening when she was 6 months old.

My DS2 is 11 months. He has not slept through. His brother didn't sleep through until 18 months. You can't force them to do it, so don't worry about it. It does happen, eventually.

Mine were both ff and weaning didn't make a difference either!

my 16 month old doesnt sleep through yet, reading the responses i am wondering whether people just lie IRL about sleeping through. shame it makes others feel like crap!

I would also recommend reading no cry sleep solution, you can pretend to others its a sleep training book! its written by a BF, co-sleeping mum and i found it really helpful for some sleep issues at age 11 months, i wish i had bought it earlier though

your doing fab job by the way BF and listening to your instincts xxx

IGNORE THEM ALL, AND WHATS MORE TELL THEM THEY ARE CAUSING YOU MORE WORRY THAN YOU LITTLE ONE NOT SLEEPING THROUGH. IT WAS LIKE THAT WITH MY IN LAWS WITH BOTH OF MINE AND AM EXPECTING THE SAME IN SEPT WHEN DS 3 ARRIVES. UGH AM REALLY CROSS ON YOUR BEHALF. TELL EM TO STICK TO THIER OWN ADVICE BUT NOT TRY TO INFICT IT ON YOU AND YOURS, THEY SOUND LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN READING TOO MUCH GINA FORD, ugh. WELL DONE YOU FOR KEEPING WITH THE BF, xxxxxx

My ds woke up at 2am on the dot every night until just before he was two years old. He then suddenly began to sleep all night without waking.

Don't feel a failure because you're not. All those people telling you that your dc should be sleeping through at 6 months are simply opinionated and uninformed.

You are so not a failure! It is very easy to blame yourself as a mum and carry around guilt but you really mustn't. I have two children and they were both bf. DD slept through from 3 months DS took 7 months. I tried giving him water and just stroking him but he got so distressed I fed him anyway. Anyway, he gradually self weaned himself off and he now sleeps from 6:30pm till 7am. Well, unless his sister wakes him up but that's another story!!

Poor you - you are not a failure.

Your DD sounds just like mine was at that age, and I am very glad and followed my instinct to just be responsive and give her what she seemed to need. Now she is 13 months, so affectionate and loving and we have such a lovely deep attachment, she thinks I am the bees knees, as I do her. SHe literally gazes into my eyes, pats my knee, blows a kiss and says "mamamama" adoringly. Worth a few sleepless nights ...

My DD used to wake up a couple of times a night, sometimes more, at 6 months old. Nowadays she still doesn't usually sleep through, and perhaps wakes once or twice for me to give her dummy back. My NCT friends all seem to have babies that sleep right through from 7pm till 8am and sometimes I think I am a failure and I ought to be "stricter". Thankfully then DH reminds me not to be so silly - she is 13 months old, for goodness sake. Maybe if I did controlled crying DD would sleep better, but at what price? Not one I want to pay or want DD to pay.

My DH is a psychotherapist and all the evidence shows that when children are very small, the more love and responsiveness, the better. Its all about being appropriate. Its not appropriate to give in to a seven year old on everything. It is appropriate to let a baby lead the way and not try an impose "firmness" when they are very small. The trick is to get the gradual adjustment right where you start to expect more as they get older and lay down firmer boundaries as time goes on.

It is very hard in the face of family who view babies as puppies that need training rather than human beings, but babies need to be attached and loved. You cant be firm with a 6 month old! What does that mean??? If you are responsive to your DD you are teaching her that she matters and counts for something in the world, important when she is so vulnerable. As she develops into a person, you will reap the rewards of a responsive approach. Discipline is easier with babies who are very attached, because the love which is the basis of respect is there in spades. I have no childproofing in my home - because if I say, "No, DD", she says "nononono" and wags her finger at herself and then stops what she was doing. Likewise firmly attached babies are more secure as they grow up.

I actually tried to be a bit "firmer" with DD last night when she wouldn't settle. I was tired and we had guests downstairs and I was fed up and wanted to join them. I left her crying for a couple of minutes and then went back in and did shush shush pat pat. She got more and more upset. Eventually I gave up and cuddled her. Two minutes later she was asleep - she just wanted a cuddle to help her to calm down. It would have been much easier just to have given her what she needed in the first place. It isn't unreasonable for a baby to want a cuddle for a couple of minutes and so I am resolved to stop comparing myself and DD to other babies and do what I think is right from now on.

Yawn, though! !

Don't worry my 3 year old has only slept through about 5 times in her life!!
My other 2 started sleeping through at 7-8 mths once they went into their own rooms. Don't listen to them, every baby is different, do what you are happiest doing.

I think you already know that you are not a failure having seen all the comments here! Thought it might help to know - my DD is now 14 months. We also did co-sleeping at first as she refused to sleep any other way, and got all the comments you have had. We gradually weaned her off full co-sleeping (getting her into her basket at the start of the night, trying to put her back in after she woke for a feed etc) - but she was no where near sleeping through at that age.

It improved a bit when she moved to her own room - she woke twice a night for feeds and would go back down again. When she was about 8 months or so she dropped the 4am feed and then the midnight one, and suddenly I have a baby that sleeps from 7.30 to 7.30 - we never had to do controlled crying or anything, the only thing we did was work on doing a very clear routine and putting her down awake - she sorted the rest out herself.

So a) don't feel bad and b) don't imagine that she will never sleep through - if it's important to you to get her sleeping (going back to work often makes it a necessity) then she can learn to do it later, she is too young right now anyway! Good luck x

Blimey if you are a failure I dread to think what I am, DS1 didn't sleep through the night till he was about six!!! and it would only be occasionally when he would I might add.

Mind you he's 18 now and still a crap sleeper, wakes up at 2 or 3 can't get back to sleep, I'm just the same and have always been this way.

You just keep up the good work, it will sort itself out don't worry.

"Most babies are not sleeping through at this age. People who tell you that their babies are are generally lying."

DS2 slept through the night at 8 weeks. I am not lying although I do give him a dream feed in his feed at around 10pm and yes he is EBF.

DS1 briefly slept through the night at 3 months but it didn't last long. We had to do sleep training type things at 6 months.

OP: You have not failed, on the contrary i would say I did (with DS1) as I could not deal with getting up several times in the night. If you are happy getting up in the night, just ignore your family.

Thank you all, you don't know how much all your responses have helped me - I feel so much better.x

Are you sure that everyone lies about sleeping through ?
I never lied. Never known anyone else to either. Most were honest.
Where is all this lying,that you think goes on ?

My DD is nearly 6 months and wakes 2-3 times a night. It's normal.

And I don't give a toss about other peoples' opinions

Aw don't worry!!! My little girl has only just THIS WEEK started sleeping through and she's 15 months! It was no problem when she did wake up tho, just a quick slurp of her bottle and a cuddle and she was back off. Quite miss it actually

If it's a big prolem (sorry not read all the posts) and you're knackered then you could try some sleep training or something but I always preferred to go to my dd if she needed me. It soon passes !

OP - do what works for you. If you are happy feeding her and cuddling her in the night, then do so. It is for no one else to comment on. No way have you messed anything up.

Each to their own. Enjoy your baby.

My DD is 7.5 months and is far from sleeping through. I do feel a bit crap when so many mums at baby groups seem shocked that she isn't sleeping through. I really hate that so many people tell me I 'need' to leave her to scream. I figure that I like to have a drink of water in the night and have a cuddle with DH if I can't sleep, so why would I deny that to what is still a baby? You are doing great!